Presidential Reviews

[laithXRLD555]

Can you review my battles (new style):
Neil Armstrong Vs. Felix
Pele Vs. OJ Simpson
http://www.erboh.com/forum/showthrea...les-of-History
They were both on the previous list.

[Samos]

Brine vs Gonad http://www.erboh.com/forum/showthrea...573#post400573

New style review pls.

I'll get to the other one later.

Spoiler: 

Brine Blade-Round 1:
Sam, stay back, I'll ban this mofo
Fairly predictable.
I'm gonna whoop Doug's ass until he says nothing but YOLO
Not really directly referencing anything to my knowledge.
A Lime like me will ruin this imposter's day
This is a good line if the "like" "lime" thing was intentional.
Cause I'm gonna whoop him faster than you can say "not being gay"
Heh, funny. Kinda predictable but I like it.
I'm a writer, rapper, LPer who's only got time issues
Not really an insult or dis.
Pop a cap in you from one of the guns you use.
Not bad, at least it's a reference and joke.
Cooking up spam pie, and having a REWF high
By the end of TDFE though, you're gonna fry
Pretty generic threat.
You tore out the space universes, meme by meme
While I tear through your personas, theme by theme
Decent attempt.
And Clue Cherry, the last one to cry
will be sliced by my blade, before being put on a pie.
I kinda like this line.
Score: 8/10

Gonad the Nomad-Round 1:
If I were to explain why I am mad
All anyone'd say is "shut up gonad"
Not much of a dis or boast.
Ask Cheez, you don't want to get violent towards me
Not bad for a set-up line.
You'll get yourself chatbanned, and later, permanantly
The joke is kind of predictable after the last line but that's fine I guess.
(Hue) Your sense of "memey" makes Polar's bags look swaggy
Alright, kind of unrelated to the 2 rappers at hand though.
Getting owned like a suka when the ****stick's in play
Doesn't really rhyme, and kind of a predictable joke.
I'm a Gunnut, at 13 researching HK's
Going shooting with my peeps for my next birthday
I get that it's trying to parody's Walt's line here, but that one was a boast, whereas this is kind of just fact-statey.
Run you over with my minivan (Polar: Gunt's scaryyyyy)
A little more to this line that I first thought when I read it, but nothing too special.
If you ever try to take my rights as a living HUMAAN awaaay
Decent parody of the original line I guess.
Here's a Bust-a-Nut, let me watch you go in for the kill
Clever little twist on the "go in for the kill" line.
You look up to me like YOUR FIRST NAME WAS BILL
I don't really like the wording of this line. Feels a bit forced into the right amount of syllables.
Cause you're just a blade,no match for my whole entire cache, you
I like the line, but that "you" at the end does bug me.
I've seen good TDFE'ers handle Dion's ass (MEJOR QUE TUUUUUUU)
Decent line, though I'm not really sure what Dion has to do with Brine. Aside from that they're on the same forum of course.
Score: 7.5/10

Brine Blade-Round 2:
SAM! I said I'm gonna pwn this suka
Ban him from using the only word worse than cunt 'n muthafucka
Not too insulting or threatening.
You have no knowledge of me Gun, so shoot all you want
Alright, I guess this is a decent reference.
I'll slice you so bad, even Freddy'll go (WAT)
Kind of a random reference.
Score: 7/10

Gonad the Nomad-Round 2:
Your tactics don't scare me, and JUMPSCARES CAN FITE ME
Decent reference.
I'll be sitting right here in my TWD jammies
Kinda random.
(Huagh) I'll ruin you faster than my first name when I signed up for Skype
Funny.
The only person better at beating you on ERBoH is, in fact, Lohuy
Weird wording here. The joke isn't too bad though.
Score: 8/10

Overall: I'm seeing some real signs of improvement from both of you, the references are definitely getting better. Just remember to make good jokes about your references and to make sure each line has a purpose, be it to dis, boast or threaten. 7.5/10

Brine Blade's Best Line: (And Clue Cherry, the last one to cry) will be sliced by my blade, before being put on a pie.
Brine Blade's Worst Line: I'm a writer, rapper, LPer who's only got time issues
Gonad the Nomad's Best Line: Here's a Bust-a-Nut, let me watch you go in for the kill
Gonad the Nomad's Worst Line: (If I were to explain why I am mad) All anyone'd say is "shut up gonad"

Final Results:
Brine Blade: 15/20
Gonad the Nomad: 15.5/20

Why They Win: This was actually really, really close for me. When I first scored it, it came out a tie. I only rescored it because I try not to have ties with these things. I guess in the end I gave it to Gunnut because attempted a few more specific references (there was pretty much one in every line), even if not all of them paid off.

Total Score: 38/50

[Poles]

Lil Wayne's 6 Foot 7 Foot

[Samos]

Could you please review my Ultron vs Apocalypse?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aEiM5LsW_FQ

Spoiler: 

Beat: So new review style for beat, it'll be out of 4 categories of 2.5 points each; Relevance (how it fits the characters), Catchiness, Intensity and Variety
Relevance-Feels very powerful and dangerous, just like these two. 2.5 points
Catchiness-The instruments are definitely memorable, but the tune isn't at all. .5 points
Intensity-This beat is, if nothing else, extremely intense. 2.5 points
Variety: As the battle progresses, more and more instruments come into play. 2.5 points
Score: 8/10

Voices:
Frenzy as Apocalypse-I like the voice itself, but I think it needs more audio effects. Especially when compared to Ultron, this sounds kinda naked, for lack of a better term, and not quite as threatening as Ultron. 3.5/5
MaNCHA as Ultron-I really like the effects on Ultron's voice. It sounds super robotic and pretty intimidating. Some individual lines don't have quite enough energy, while some individual lines are a bit overdone on the energy, but the voice in general is pretty flawless. 4.5/5
Score: 8/10

Apocalypse-Round 1:
Feel your lack of confidence, it’s time for the Apocalypse
Cool flow, lyrics are fairly filler.
The first mutant Egyptian will put you in a sarcophagus!
Not extremely clever but definitely not bad.
(Huh!) When I awaken, you’ll see the danger’s grave
Cool sounding and threatening, but not too clever.
So bow before I make you my robo-bitch slave!
Pretty generic insult.
I don’t need no wires or no chips to take you out
This is a decent line.
You’re less of an issue than this damned daily drought!
Funny, but the delivery makes the daily drought seem like it actually upsets Apocalypse, whereas the line would be better if he pretended like the drought was nothing to him.
Celestial Technology to end you flowing through me!
Kinda like the flowing pun.
All your circuits turned to shrapnel while you’re busy losing to me
Pretty good.
All who oppose me… I’ll be crushing
Much destruction… is now coming!
These last 2 lines are too generic for me.
Score: 7.5/10

Ultron-Round 1:
Welcome to the new age, it’s Ultron in the flesh
Generic opening line.
Let my intellectuality show you I’m the best
Not really a reference.
Stop with the tough act, though I may a machine
I’ve never been one to hold back from being mean
I don't really get why him being a machine would make him less likely to be mean.
Unstoppable? I’ve never seen a bigger villain cliche
Generic insult.
Fed up from being beat up, and you’re looking rather gray
OK. Not brilliant but Ultron's best line so far.
I find it quite enjoyable you weren’t supposed to exist
Could've been a better joke about this.
Your immortality’ll be useless when I make you my bitch
This isn't really a joke.
Great parents; after birth left you for death all alone
This joke has kind of been overdone in a lot of previous battles.
Kang you handle these times? You’re more ancient than stone!
The puns are alright.
With these disses I’ll kick you up a wicked sandstorm
Again, decent.
With no strings attached, this bad omen has been warned
The "with no strings attached" part doesn't really seem related to the last clause.
Score: 6.5/10

Apocalypse-Round 2:
Smooth words from the philosophic Mr. Roboto!
While not extremely clever, this line is pretty funny.
I’ll slaughter you, and give your minions a new boss to follow!
This line is OK, just feels like it needs an extra pun or something.
While this demigod makes plagues to wipe out the weak
Too fact-statey.
You’re a soft-speaking can who tries his likes at poetry!
Again, funny, even if not extremely clever.
Really, I don’t mean to get your gears greased
Pretty good for a set-up line.
But step to Apocalypse, and you know you’re screwing with a beast!
Decent reference.
I rose to power, I don’t need more than one mark
Not really a reference.
Shower this narcissistic pile of parts in his own sparks
This is a pretty good threat.
(I was a bit torn between an 8.5 and a 9 here, but I went with a 9 because of the flow in this verse.)
Score: 9/10

Ultron-Round 2:
As big as a boulder and you rap like one too
I'm not really sure what "rapping like a boulder" means.
My age is now dawning as yours is forever through
Not bad.
Demigod my adamantium ass, you bribed a scientist
This is pretty good.
for things you couldn’t have, try to tell me what natural is
Wording's kinda weird here.
Ultron initiative is something you shouldn't have faced
Generic threat.
Like some hacked software, I’ll have your database erased
This is a better threat for sure.
Your defeat was obvious, though I have a great Vision
Kind of forced but not bad.
This battle will end peacefully; with your extinction
Not super clever but a cool way to end the battle.
Score: 9/10

Presentation: I'm not going to give this a score or anything, it's just something I'd like to make a category since ERB is becoming increasingly strong in this category. Anyway, the editing for this battle is really cool. The cartoony speech bubbles seem pretty out of place sometimes, but this battle is still pretty fun to watch despite just being still images.

Overall: This battle really picks up near the end. Most of the jokes are pretty funny, the main problem is that there's not enough references and a few too many generic threats/insults/boasts. Even the jokes, a lot of them aren't really specific references. Try to reference as many things about the character as you can so no stone is unturned, while keeping the jokes intact. 7.5/10

Apocalypse's Best Line: Shower this narcissistic pile of parts in his own sparks
Apocalypse's Worst Line: Much destruction… is now coming!
Ultron's Best Line: Demigod my adamantium ass, you bribed a scientist
Ultron's Worst Line: Let my intellectuality show you I’m the best

Final Results:
Apocalypse: 16.5/20
Ultron: 15.5/20

Why They Win: Ultron had a few more "ooooh" lines than Apocalypse I suppose, but Apocalypse had less generic or referenceless lines.

Total Score: 55.5/70

[Samos]

Gunt vs Clem http://www.erboh.com/forum/showthrea...082#post399082

New style review pls.

Spoiler: 

ClemiHW-Round 1:
How dare you make me remove my headphones ?
Not really insulting or boasting, but this is funny and clever so I'll buy it.
I’m a pioneer on the forum, put any member out the throne !
Average boast.
Maybe you let people threaten you, but when Clemi stop being lazy
Not bad for a set-up line but not great as a standalone line.
He rocks the game like a lyrical Pretend you’re Xyzzy !
OK. A little predictable maybe, probably could've been a better Xyzzy joke.
I'm like Zyroda, I bbgun down that bitch when he tryhards against me !
Kind of an overdone joke but this is still pretty damn funny.
Rhyme versus a lime ? You haven’t a clue, chéri !
Clever. I like this line a lot.
My lines are spooky, scary like the Phantom Blade of Arno,
Cool double meanings.
Filling my verse with more shot fired than Charlie Hebdo !
These kinds of lines are always the most impactful, and it helps when they're well written too like this one is.
Score: 9/10

Gunt-Round 1:
Allow Gunt to rebut, you*Orléans*maiden
Kind of witty.
So MG Suka Owner can get back to r***in’
Seems like just a bunch of common jokes without much of a twist.
Enabled by the rage from when my behavior was bad
Sort of a self-dis, but still clever I guess.
But where you got limes, I got swag (Lil’ Wayne: Swag!!)
Barely a joke, I'd say. These references are just brought up and not really joked about.
Go holla at the mods, and we’ll all F.L.I.G.H.T. a bunch
This is a pretty good parody of the original line.
But keep that white flag out, Doug’s gonna Bust-a-Nut
Again, references brought up without really being joked about.
You rap as your opponent, that's more selfish than Bluesocks
This is really funny, and a nice twist on a common joke.
I'm an Islander asunder, pioneering quote blogs
No jokes here.
Why would anyone recall someone so lacking illness as Clem is
Generic insult.
Your country hasn’t coolness, your Frenchness is an abyss
More generic insults, and the wording is weird here
Coming from a place called Toulouse, and your wit’s like a staircase
These two clauses seem pretty much unrelated.
Try to stick your tongue out at me, I’ll rip it straight out of your face
This is awesome. Nice meme-mixing.
Score: 8/10

Clemi of Arc-Round 2:
Only a Americon*would face off against the French foreigner,
Nice little pun there, but nothing too special.
My parodies built the bedrock of the Writer’s corner !
Pretty basic boast.
My victories are as plain as the nose under my breather,
Decent reference.
Whole HenTeaBaguette to my side and me as their leader !
Could've been a better HenTeaBaguette joke.
It’s all ogre ! I finished you off like my name was Brobern,
There also probably could've been a better Brobern joke.
Cleminem’s turn to be on fire with the sick sickest burn !
[B]I'm kinda partial to TJB references, but I think this one is clever on its own.
You’ll never win ! I won’t be the last one to write that in a post !
Pretty simple insult.
Gonad The Nomad just got expelled by the host with the most french toast !
I'm glad there's a reference to that in this battle, but this one is kind of just attached on to the end here.
Score: 8/10

Gunnut-Round 2:
Clemi is a French who can only say*hon
This is definitely too simplistic.
I’ll make him 2D with my car and call him Anime One
Like this line a lot, cool double meanings.
You can keep ripping off Weird Al, I’ll give REWF my*seminalis
The Weird Al insult is pretty basic. 2nd clause is a little more clever I guess.
Drawing in opponents like Gilbert and dropping them like forum-fics
A bit of a self-dis, but the line is definitely clever.
I’m Gregory Nathaniel Terry, you can’t diss me
Like the French Toast line, I'm glad it was referenced because it's funny, but there could've been better jokes about it.
I’ll cleat kick you in Gumb’s pit A.S.A.P.
The Silence of the Lambs reference here is really clever. The ASAP part is a bit of a forced rhyme though.
A bigger fall than the ones that they got in Idaho
Decent reference.
I’ll make like the Cat in the Hat, disown this dumb ho
While the Silence of the Lambs reference had some connections to the rappers at hands, this reference seems really out of place.
Score: 8.5/10

Clemi-Round 3:
You thought your wacky verse was gonna expand your dong ?
OK for a set-up, meh for a standalone line.
That was so terrible, you probably took it out of donkidong !
Could've been a better joke about donkidong.
By the time I’ve finished punching you with lines through the roof,
This is a pretty cool thing to reference, and the line itself is nice too.
You’ll need to nerf me again, cause I’m still the king of REWF !
And a nice follow-up to the last line.
Score: 8/10

Gunnut-Round 3:
Tu enviando termina ahora,*no victims live to tell ya:
¡Que te voy a violar y hago una puta!
The Spanish thing is kind of done a lot on here, so it really only works when the lines are still good when translated. These are just kinda basic insults put into Spanish.
Here, lose in Ded Forumer to ERBoH’s harp seal
This reference is sort of brought up and not joked about.
Get some burn cream and I’ll start a harmony to help you heal (Everyone:*OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH)
Calling the “OOOOH” a harmony is kinda creative, never seen that done before, but why exactly does it “help heal”?
Score: 7/10

Overall: Definitely no shortage of references in this battle, which is definitely good. Just remember to keep the jokes fresh. Look at some of the lines I especially liked and try to make all of your jokes like those. 8/10

Clemi's Best Line: Rhyme versus a lime ? You haven’t a clue, chéri !
Clemi's Worst Line: I’m a pioneer on the forum, put any member out the throne !
Gunnut's Best Line: I’ll make him 2D with my car and call him Anime One
Gunnut's Worst Line: Your country hasn’t coolness, your Frenchness is an abyss

Final Results:
Clemi: 25/30
Gunnut: 23.5/30

Why They Won: Some big ups and downs for both of these rappers. Gunnut definitely had a handful of real zingers, some of which were better than any of Clemi's lines, but Clemi I just thought was a bit more original regarding jokes about the references.

Total Score: 56.5/70

[Samos]

Well, now that you're not dead (I should really get back into writing these) could you review my Brutus vs. Altair? http://www.erboh.com/forum/showthrea...l=1#post370217

Also, new style

Spoiler: 

Idea: I'll make this a new category too because it's usually something I have something to say about in these fan mades. It won't be scored, just discussed. Regarding this idea, I really like it. Just earlier I was thinking about the 4 presidential assassins vs. the 4 AC assassins, but Princip and Brutus are more well known and significant than Charles Guiteau or Leon Czolgosz, so I get why you did this instead.

Brutus:
It's the battle of Assassini, and like the Ides of March, I'm coming out on top!
Kind of simple for an Ides of March reference. It seems like you could've gone a bit deeper with that reference.
Sorry, Brother, but I'm afraid your arrogance needs to be dropped.
Generic insult/threat.
You're taking more than a leap of faith, you're in for a revelation,
The leap of faith reference is well used.
that this senatorial MC can wreck any fake Syrian!
I think there could've been a good joke about the “fake Syrian” thing, but here it's just kind of mentioned.
I was conspiring against Caesar, while you were playing soccer!
Funny. Not the best joke you could've made about it but just mentioning it is funny enough.
For being named after Aquila, you're not very bright, are ya?
Very nice pun.
I've got more flow than the oceans you immediately drown in.
I've heard this sort of joke a few times before, though I do like it.
This verse will be immortalized in history, sic semper tyrannis feriam!
Obviously that line needed to be mentioned. It's definitely not used poorly here, but for such an obvious thing to reference I was maybe expecting something a bit more creative.
Score: 8/10

Altair:
Nothing is true (like your claim of talent) and everything is permitted. (except you rapping)
This is funny, even if a bit obvious.
Like a templar, you should be afraid of me, you'll see what this master can bring.
The templar joke could've been better, since templars aren't specifically known for causing fear.
Call me Nero, 'cause I'll lyrically be burning down you and Rome.
Nero is more known for “fiddling while Rome burned” than for actually burning down Rome.
Killing your own father, even for an assassin, I'll admit that's cold.
Funny, though I've seen this kinda thing done before.
I rap sharp like a longsword; rhyming's in my Bloodline,
Nice puns.
kick this brute off the edge, but a hay bale won't be there this time.
This is a pretty good reference.
I'm on a crusade, just try to run, I'll follow you from Jeruselem to Damascus.
These references are a bit thrown in there, without much real depth to the jokes.
You're an eagle's prey, but I'm not selfish, let's see how you fare in the Animus!
Just a set-up for the rest of the battle.
Score: 8.5/10

John Wilkes Booth:
Oh jeez, we're up against Desmond's clones, a statue, and a common crook?
Generic insults, but for some reason it works alright here.
Even I couldn't act like you three have personalities warranting a look!
Pretty good pun.
Call this Our American Cousin, 'cause it'll end the same way when
I rap quick and precise like a bullet to the back of your head!
Alright. Probably could've gotten a bit more specific on this reference, maybe mentioned something about the actual play.
Don't need eagle vision to see that I'm more of a genius than all of you.
This kind of joke is done a lot before, but it's definitely not bad.
God's made me the instrument of your punishment, this Booth is giving you the boot!
Decent references.
Score: 7.5/10

Ezio:
Brothers, let me handle this bigoted bastardo,
who'll forever be in his father's shadow.
These are both pretty generic insults without any real jokes.
"The strings should be severed. All should be free." It's a shame you didn't follow this creed.
Not bad for a set-up.
If you did, maybe your life wouldn't have ended in a barn, blazing.
This line is too fact-statey and not jokey enough.
I'm handy with poison, both lyrically and weaponry.
Cool little double meaning.
With this Brotherhood behind me, all I have left to say is Requiescat in pace!
The Brotherhood reference is fairly simple. I like the Requiescat part a little better I guess.
Score: 7/10

Gavrilo Princip:
Quit cawwing, bird brain, those noises are giving me a headache.
A few too many eagle jokes it seems to me.
You're not a challenge; a warm up, call this the Bleeding Effect.
Really good, funny line.
I caused World War 1, what can you say you accomplished, huh?
There is something funny about Princip taking credit and pride in starting WWI.
You should probably find a better outlet, and I mean besides vaginas.
I don't really like these types of lines that just copy a quote word for word. It feels like it needs some kind of twist.
Your "lyrical poison" doesn't effect me, you're just vomiting words.
Clever historical reference.
I'll black back hand you, don't need a line of six to kill you, just one serb!
This line flows weird in my head, but as a line it's pretty good.
Score: 9/10

Connor:
Your raps aren't revolutionary, they're just some weak bait.
Nice weaving of references here.
I'm dual wielding lethal lyrics, hope you're ready to meet your fate.
The word dual wielding is a bit misused here.
You're in for a rude awakening, the end is nigh when I start to flow.
Pretty obvious joke about said reference, but it's a fairly obscure thing to reference so you don't need to get too deep.
I'd say craft some decent rhymes, but you wouldn't be skilled enough to do so.
Well done, this is funny and clever.
You couldn't even commit suicide correctly, yet you still think you're hot?
Congrats, you started a world war, too bad it took six to actually take the damn shot!
These two lines are kind of jokeless references.
Score: 8.5/10

Lee Harvey Oswald:
I'm sorry, I didn't catch that, you seem to be glitching.
I'll assume that the good raps come as dlc or in the special edition?
Excellent opening lines. These two are both really funny.
Considering you're a hero, is it a surprise I defected from this nation?
Not as good as the first two lines but pretty good.
It seems to be obvious though that true talent skips a generation.
Basic insult.
I'm an MC sharpshooter, splattering the head of this braindead foe.
Rather obvious but still alright.
And this time I definitely don't need someone on the Grassy Knoll!
This is also a pretty clever reference.
Score: 9.5/10

Edward Kenway:
Over the horizon, the Black Flag appears to signify your defeat!
Not bad, but fairly easy to predict.
Pull out all four flintlocks, end you harder than Jack Ruby!
This is a really easy Jack Ruby joke to make.
I won't hold back, in this battle my heart's as black as Thatch's beard.
This is a decent line.
My raps are Hornigold, there's a reason Jackdaw is a name you should fear.
I like the Hornigold part of this line, the Jackdaw part is pretty simple.
There's been so many conspiracies about you, but I'm not sure I get it.
Considering what I'm looking at, they're giving you too much credit.
This is really funny.
Score: 8/10

Overall: You've got the whole “fit a reference in as much as you can” down pretty well, and so not only are a lot of these jokes really get big laughs, but also there's very few lines that I don't like to some degree, meaning picking “worst lines” was kind of annoying for me here. Just make sure all the jokes about the references are clever and not done before. 8.5/10

Brutus' Best Line: You're taking more than a leap of faith, you're in for a revelation,
Brutus' Worst Line: Sorry, Brother, but I'm afraid your arrogance needs to be dropped.
Altair's Best Line: Kick this brute off the edge, but a hay bale won't be there this time.
Altair's Worst Line: Like a templar, you should be afraid of me, you'll see what this master can bring.
John Wilkes Booth's Best Line: Even I couldn't act like you three have personalities warranting a look!
John Wilkes Booth's Worst Line: I rap quick and precise like a bullet to the back of your head!
Ezio's Best Line: I'm handy with poison, both lyrically and weaponry.
Ezio's Worst Line: Brothers, let me handle this bigoted bastardo,
Gavrilo Princip's Best Line: Your "lyrical poison" doesn't effect me, you're just vomiting words.
Gavrilo Princip's Worst Line: You should probably find a better outlet, and I mean besides vaginas.
Connor's Best Line: I'd say craft some decent rhymes, but you wouldn't be skilled enough to do so.
Connor's Worst Line: I'm dual wielding lethal lyrics, hope you're ready to meet your fate.
Lee Harvey Oswald's Best Line: I'll assume that the good raps come as dlc or in the special edition?
Lee Harvey Oswald's Worst Line: It seems to be obvious though that true talent skips a generation.
Edward Kenway's Best Line: (There's been so many conspiracies about you, but I'm not sure I get it. ) Considering what I'm looking at, they're giving you too much credit.
Edward Kenway's Worst Line: Pull out all four flintlocks, end you harder than Jack Ruby!

Winner: Lee Harvey Oswald

Why They Win: I can't overstate how much I love his first two lines. While the rest of the verse isn't as good, it makes pretty good use of the references.

Total Score: 74.5/90

[Samos]

Can you review my battles (new style):
Neil Armstrong Vs. Felix
Pele Vs. OJ Simpson http://www.erboh.com/forum/showthrea...les-of-History I'll get to this one later
They were both on the previous list.

Spoiler: 

Idea: I've seen this one a few times before. It's funny. I don't know if I'd want ERB to do it, since Neil probably deserves a more historically significant opponent, but for a fan made it's not a bad idea at all.

Neil Armstrong-Round 1:
You ain't a match for Apollo so go back to your Audi
These references are more thrown in than joked about.
Wink at the moon Felix, you still look up to me*
This is a pretty clever twist on the “look up to me” cliché.
Spit rhymes harder than the anchoring of the US flag
Alright, but kind of a simple joke to make about anchoring the flag.
One small step for rap a giant leap for kicking your ass*
Pretty obvious joke. Not a bad twist on it but there are more creative ways one could go with this.
Flows so tight making you claustrophobic*
I like this pun a lot. Never heard this one before.
Compared to moonlanding skydiving isn't slick.*
Generic insult.
Neil Armstrong moonwalking with lyrical elegance
I've heard this joke before a lot.
MC Michael Jackson is popping smokin' disses
Took me a second, not bad.
Score: 8/10

Felix Baumgartner-Round 1:
Neill get broken and make like the sound barrier*
The wording is weird but I like the joke.
Flows faster than any jet in your Navy aircraft carrier
This line is alright. For some reason it feels kind of tired to me.
Freefall like BASE's freerhymes it's all class*
This line would probably make more sense if it actually wasn't in a verse.
My toxic raps are like a vascular bypass
Kind of an obvious joke to make but it's decent.
You're forgotten like Michael, I'm the best so don't get fooled
The Michael reference is funny. The 2nd part of the line is just generic.
It's good you're a college teacher cuz you just got schooled
I've heard this one before. I guess I still like it though.
Get ready for a lyrical headbutt I'm like a Red Bull curse
Good line, though the Red Bull thing probably could've made for a better dis from Neil than a boast from Felix.
Baum gardener is harvesting his rhymes for the second verse
Clever little pun, but it's not really a boast or a dis or anything.
Score: 8/10

Neil Armstrong-Round 2:
Rhymes spit by Armstrong come once in a blue moon
This is a pretty good joke about a common saying.
I'm not Felix you bro, you kept falling 'till noon*
This pun is a bit of a stretch. Took me a second to figure out what it was trying to say, even with the reference guide.
Tribute from the White House all you can do is honor Neill
Mostly just fact-statey.
Listen carefully Felix you've been served like the Navy
I've actually never heard a pun on “serving” in the Navy like this. I like it.
Score: 8.5/10

Felix Baumgartner-Round 2:
I'm dropping rhymes faster than a stratosphere space fall
Either of these puns on their own wouldn't be that great, but the way the “dropping” and “faster” jokes go together is nice.
Then hit you harder than Alan Sheppard on your golf balls
Cool thing to reference, and the joke is good too.
I lived a sonic boom while you're scared of being cloned
Too fact statey.
Are you there Houston, this bitch has been owned
Probably a better Houston joke to make, but this is far from a bad line.
9/10

Overall: This is a good battle for sure. I'm glad there are so many references. Some of the jokes are somewhat uninspired and done before, while others are just references without jokes. But overall this is well done. 8/10

Neil Armstrong's Best Line: Wink at the moon Felix, you still look up to me*
Neil Armstrong's Worst Line: Compared to moonlanding skydiving isn't slick.
Felix Baumgartner's Best Line: Dropping rhymes faster than a stratosphere space fall
Felix Baumgartner's Worst Line: I lived a sonic boom while you're scared of being cloned

Final Results:
Neil Armstrong: 16.5/20
Felix Baumgartner: 17/20

Why They Win: It's close. Neil has more “boom” lines, and his first verse is probably slightly better than Felix's, but Felix's last verse was better than Neils' to a greater extent.

Total Score: 41.5/50

[Katz]

Can you review my Christmas Battle Royale from this thread: http://www.erboh.com/forum/showthrea...533#post399533

[laithXRLD555]

Spoiler: 

Idea: I've seen this one a few times before. It's funny. I don't know if I'd want ERB to do it, since Neil probably deserves a more historically significant opponent, but for a fan made it's not a bad idea at all.

Neil Armstrong-Round 1:
You ain't a match for Apollo so go back to your Audi
These references are more thrown in than joked about.
Wink at the moon Felix, you still look up to me*
This is a pretty clever twist on the “look up to me” cliché.
Spit rhymes harder than the anchoring of the US flag
Alright, but kind of a simple joke to make about anchoring the flag.
One small step for rap a giant leap for kicking your ass*
Pretty obvious joke. Not a bad twist on it but there are more creative ways one could go with this.
Flows so tight making you claustrophobic*
I like this pun a lot. Never heard this one before.
Compared to moonlanding skydiving isn't slick.*
Generic insult.
Neil Armstrong moonwalking with lyrical elegance
I've heard this joke before a lot.
MC Michael Jackson is popping smokin' disses
Took me a second, not bad.
Score: 8/10

Felix Baumgartner-Round 1:
Neill get broken and make like the sound barrier*
The wording is weird but I like the joke.
Flows faster than any jet in your Navy aircraft carrier
This line is alright. For some reason it feels kind of tired to me.
Freefall like BASE's freerhymes it's all class*
This line would probably make more sense if it actually wasn't in a verse.
My toxic raps are like a vascular bypass
Kind of an obvious joke to make but it's decent.
You're forgotten like Michael, I'm the best so don't get fooled
The Michael reference is funny. The 2nd part of the line is just generic.
It's good you're a college teacher cuz you just got schooled
I've heard this one before. I guess I still like it though.
Get ready for a lyrical headbutt I'm like a Red Bull curse
Good line, though the Red Bull thing probably could've made for a better dis from Neil than a boast from Felix.
Baum gardener is harvesting his rhymes for the second verse
Clever little pun, but it's not really a boast or a dis or anything.
Score: 8/10

Neil Armstrong-Round 2:
Rhymes spit by Armstrong come once in a blue moon
This is a pretty good joke about a common saying.
I'm not Felix you bro, you kept falling 'till noon*
This pun is a bit of a stretch. Took me a second to figure out what it was trying to say, even with the reference guide.
Tribute from the White House all you can do is honor Neill
Mostly just fact-statey.
Listen carefully Felix you've been served like the Navy
I've actually never heard a pun on “serving” in the Navy like this. I like it.
Score: 8.5/10

Felix Baumgartner-Round 2:
I'm dropping rhymes faster than a stratosphere space fall
Either of these puns on their own wouldn't be that great, but the way the “dropping” and “faster” jokes go together is nice.
Then hit you harder than Alan Sheppard on your golf balls
Cool thing to reference, and the joke is good too.
I lived a sonic boom while you're scared of being cloned
Too fact statey.
Are you there Houston, this bitch has been owned
Probably a better Houston joke to make, but this is far from a bad line.
9/10

Overall: This is a good battle for sure. I'm glad there are so many references. Some of the jokes are somewhat uninspired and done before, while others are just references without jokes. But overall this is well done. 8/10

Neil Armstrong's Best Line: Wink at the moon Felix, you still look up to me*
Neil Armstrong's Worst Line: Compared to moonlanding skydiving isn't slick.
Felix Baumgartner's Best Line: Dropping rhymes faster than a stratosphere space fall
Felix Baumgartner's Worst Line: I lived a sonic boom while you're scared of being cloned

Final Results:
Neil Armstrong: 16.5/20
Felix Baumgartner: 17/20

Why They Win: It's close. Neil has more “boom” lines, and his first verse is probably slightly better than Felix's, but Felix's last verse was better than Neils' to a greater extent.

Total Score: 41.5/50

Thanks for the review

[Samos]

Lil Wayne's 6 Foot 7 Foot

Spoiler: 

Beat: I'm not going to score categories on this until the overall, so I'll just talk about these. This beat is definitely catchy, but it's incredibly repetitive. I guess mainstream rap doesn't ever really try to have instrumentals that are much more than one catchy loop of a few seconds, so I can't get too mad about it. But it's definitely not the kind of catchy where I'm glad it's stuck in my head.

Excuse my charisma, vodka with a spritzer
These two clauses are completely unrelated as far as I'm concerned.
swagger down pat, call my shit Patricia
No. This is just stupid.
Young Money militia, and I am the commissioner
The military reference seems pretty out-of-nowhere.
you don't want start Weezy, 'cause the F is for Finisher
Start-finish? OK, not bad I guess.
so misunderstood, but what's a World without enigma?
This sounds pretty Jaden Smithy.
two bitches at the same time, synchronized swimmers
got the girl twisted 'cause she open when you twist her
never met the bitch, but I fuck her like I missed her
These last 3 lines are funny. If he's going for a serious song then this is really stupid though.
life is the bitch, and death is her sister
sleep is the cousin, what a fuckin' family picture
you know father time, we all know mother nature
it's all in the family, but I am of no relation
These 4 lines are just confusing. Is the last line supposed to be bragging about the sex not being incest?
no matter who's buying, I'm a celebration
black and white diamonds, fuck segregation
The segregation reference is just completely random.
fuck that shit, my money up, you niggas just Honey Nut
This is just dumb and too random.
Young Money running shit and you niggas just runner-ups
Little running pun isn't bad I guess.
I don't feel I done enough, so I'ma keep on doing this shit
Pretty basic boast.
Lil Tunechi or Young Tunafish
He just randomly names two of his nicknames in the middle of the song. Kind of stupid ones at that.

I'm going back in
Good to know.
okay, I lost my mind, it's somewhere out there stranded
The wordplay isn't that bad, but it seemed to me like the song was about him boasting earlier and now he's sort of talking about his inner emotions.
I think you stand under me if you don't understand me
The pun could've made for a good line but this wording just doesn't make sense. You “think” they stand under you?
had my heart broken by this woman named Tammy
but hoes gon' be hoes, so I couldn't blame Tammy
Please do not rhyme Tammy with Tammy. Also, these lines are really cliché.
just talked to moms, told her she the sweetest
What does this have to do with anything?
I beat the beat up, call it self defense
The beat was hurting you?
swear man, I be seeing through these niggas like sequins
I've heard jokes like this before but whatever, it's not bad.
niggas think they He-Men, pow, pow, the end
This just sounds childish and weird.
talking to myself because I am my own consultant
Is there some kind of point to being your own consultant?
married to the money, fuck the world, that's adultery
I guess it's clever for a line about money and sex. Which isn't saying too much.
you full of shit, you close your mouth and let yo ass talk
I've heard this one before. From middle schoolers.
young Money eating, all you haters do is add salt
This isn't that bad I guess.
stop playing, bitch, I got this game on deadbolt
Nothing too out of the ordinary from stuff I've already heard.
mind so sharp, I fuck around and cut my head off
This line has potential I suppose but “fuck around”?
real nigga all day and tomorrow
I watched the skit this is supposedly referencing and I still don't think it's very clever.
but these muthafuckas talking crazy like they jaw broke
Funny mental image.
glass half empty, half full, I'll spill ya
Is he saying he doesn't want people to think or something?
try me and run into a wall, outfielder
Not bad I guess.
You know I'ma ball 'til they turn off the field lights
When there's a double meaning to “ball” but not a double meaning to “field lights”, the line doesn't really make sense.
the fruits of my labor, I enjoy 'em while they still ripe
Could be a clever pun, but why is he bragging about this.
bitch, stop playing, I do it like a king do
Cliche.
if these niggas animals, then I'ma have a mink soon
Is animals a good thing or bad thing?
tell 'em bitches I say put my name on the wall
I don't really get the point of this line beyond the “On the Wall” reference.
I speak the truth, but I guess that's a foreign language to y'all
This is a cool line, actually.
and I call it like I see it, and my glasses on
The way the line is worded it feels like he's bragging about glasses, which is weird.
but most of y'all don't get the picture 'less the flash is on
This is kinda cool too.
satisfied with nothing, you don't know the half of it
Not really clever.
Young Money, Cash Money
Why.
paper chasing, tell that paper, "Look, I'm right behind ya"
Not terrible for a line about money.
bitch, real G's move in silence like lasagna
So I've thought about it and I decided I like this line. The “lasagna” thing sounds weird I guess but I think the line is clever.
people say I'm borderline crazy, sorta kinda
Kind of clever I guess.
woman of my dreams, I don't sleep so I can't find her
A surprisingly sad turn from the rest of the song. I like the line.
you niggas are gelatin, peanuts to an elephant
These references are kinda random.
I got through that sentence like a subject and a predicate
Well, how does a subject and predicate go through a sentence? Do they do it in a manner that's worth bragging about?
yeah, with a swag you would kill for
Lame.
money too strong, pockets on bodybuilder
Again, not bad for a line about money.
jumped in a wishing well, now wish me well
Why did he jump in a wishing well?
tell 'em kiss my ass, call it kiss and tell
Actually not that bad. I like the wordplay.

Word to my mama, I'm out of my lima bean
Why a lima bean exactly?
don't wanna see what that drama mean, get some Dramamine
Nice double meaning I guess.
llama scream, hotter than summer sun on a Ghana queen
These references are pretty random.
now all I want is hits, bitch, Wayne signed a fiend
Doesn't seem clever in any way.
I played the side for you niggas that's tryna front, and see
The wording of this is just way too confusing, and the “and see” at the end is too desperate for a rhyme.
son of Gunz, Son of Sam, you niggas the son of me
pause for this dumber speech, I glow like Buddha
These are really out there references.
disturb me, and you'll be all over the flow like Luda
Pretty clever.
bitch, I flow like scuba, bitch, I'm bold like Cuba
Do you really need to put bitch in the same line twice as an interjection? And the Cuba referernce isn't that clever either.
and I keep a killer ho, she gon' blow right through ya
This one doesn't quite cross the line from stupid to clever.
I be macking, 'bout my stacking, now I pack like a mover
”Packing like a mover” is clever.
shout to ratchet for backing out on behalf of my shooter
I don't really think this is a reference to Ratchet and Clank like Rap Genius says. I think it's just generic.
niggas think they high as I, I come laugh at your ruler
”High as I” is weird sounding. The ruler pun isn't super clever either.
Cash Money cold, bitch, but our actions is cooler
I've heard “cool” puns like this tons of times before.
Wayne, these niggas out they mind
I done told these fuck niggas, so many times
that I keep these bucks steady on my mind
tuck these, I fuck these on your mind, pause
to feed them, on my grind, did I get a little love?
keep throwing my sign in the middle
No references, not really any puns, this is just a stretch of lame lines.
hit 'em up, piece on my side, 'cause ain't no peace on my side, bitch
This is more clever.
I'm a man, I visit urinals with pride
This is not cool, this is just stupid. It sounds like something a little kid who thinks girls are icky would say.
Tune told me to, I'm shooting when the funeral outside
Why is he doing this again?
I'm uptown, thoroughbred, a BX nigga, ya heard?
Just bragging, nothing really clever.
Gunna
Cool.

Overall: Having never heard a Lil Wayne song in its entirety before, this was better than I expected I suppose. I'm a sucker for puns as a lot of you know, and there are definitely some good ones in here. The whole song is also fairly confusing. I don't know how you could even enjoy it without looking up all the lines, and t seems like he's on one point and then the next line he's on another point. It also definitely suffers from some really tired rap cliches, like money and sex and drugs and stuff. I understand Lil Wayne fans a little more now. It's just not my thing really. 6/10