Presidential Reviews

[Samos]

Hey Sam, can you review my Roy vs. Roy battle please?

Spoiler: 

Fire Emblem Roy-Round 1:
Hide your forks, tongue, drills, boxing gloves and turtle toys.
Koopaling, you're about to get smoked because - (Ike, Lucina, Marth and Robin) "ROY'S OUR BOY!"
I've been cuttin' sharp since the beloved GameCube with Melee
References without jokes.
And now that I'm back, I can DL- See you being cut any day.
I like this pun.
I'm known for blowing competitive viewers right out of the stands
While all you do is piss off all the Mario Kart fans!
Not bad, although not the best Mario Kart joke.
Just because I cost money makes you think that you can undo me?
Well everyone else disagrees, and they had to include me.
No real jokes.
Score: 7/10

Roy Koopa-Round 1
You hype yourself up for a clone of a low tier
Pretty good.
I can hammer you into the slammer, I have no fear
Not much of a reference.
Pick up a copy of the game, and see you're not on the roster
"Hey man did you get Roy", "Nah bro, I just haven't bought her."
Funny, not super clever
The only Emblem you should Fire is the one where
The fans are upset that all of your series is Marth. Now is that fair?
Decent pun for the set up, the pay off is more fact statey than jokey.
Speaking of Mario Kart, have you seen my movepool?
The most original of the series, so how are YOU cool?
Again, not really any jokes.
Score: 7/10

Fire Emblem Roy-Round 2:
Funny you mention the roster, where are you by default?
Oh yes you're not there, because you're only a bad alt.
Decent comeback, but could’ve been a better joke about this.
I'm not a clone, cause I spit fire, leaving you with a scar.
Could’ve been worded in a more clever way.
But you're merely joke, that's why you ride in the Clown Car.
Nice one.
Score: 8/10

Roy Koopa-Round 2:
Oh boy using fire? Ike and Robin did it better
A bit obvious but it works.
Nobody wants to pay for a veteran, did you not get the letter?
Pretty simple insult.
You can fight anyone you want, but don't mess with me though!
Filler.
Cause I'll leave you looking shittier than your series' amiibo!
Nice finisher.
Score: 7.5/10

Overall: It’s clear you know and care a lot about these characters, which is going to help throughout the series. Just cut down on the filler lines and try to fit a joke into every line, not just a reference or a normal insult. 7.5/10

Fire Emblem Roy’s Worst Line: Just because I cost money makes you think that you can undo me?
Fire Emblem Roy’s Best Line: But you're merely joke, that's why you ride in the Clown Car.
Roy Koopa’s Worst Line: You can fight anyone you want, but don't mess with me though!
Roy Koopa’s Best Line: Cause I'll leave you looking shittier than your series' amiibo!

Final Results:
Fire Emblem Roy: 15/20
Roy Koopa: 14.5/20

Total Score: 37/50

[Turtlesauce]

Damn, Sam's on fire with the reviews

[Samos]

Rebiew my Smallpox vs HIV rap battle plz? :3

Spoiler: 

Smallpox:
There’s no AID for you if you think you can spit sicker than this germ
These two obvious jokes for some reason work OK as an opener.
I’ll shave off this 80s fad like it’s a perm
Funny.
I’m an American hero, forget the Superman bullshit
Good set up.
But I sure did tear through Natives faster than a speeding bullet!
Awesome.
I say back to Africa with the closeted hypocrite called HIV
Who sucks Magic’s Johnson but hates on gays like a mini-WBC
Nice pun.
Yes this God hates you, prepare to get Shapwn’d
Interesting historical references.
Spin dash right through your victims cause you’re too slow
Nice.
You think you’re a silent assassin going in for the kill
But I’ve seen better ninjas out of Beverly Hills!
Referring to the disease as a ninja is kind of stretchy, but still funny.
I dethroned real kings how could you fight with me?
Worst you did was show rock how to Kill-er Queen
Not really an insult.
I’m the Kraken just waiting for my next supper
You’re an inkling after kids that Splatoon with no rubber
Nice modern reference.
Score: 9/10

HIV:
What’s that pimple up in my face? Might as well pop it
Good.
I’m the next X-Man and the human race still can’t stop it
Decent boast.
You udderly failed thanks to some fat Brit
Kind of obvious but funny pun.
What kind of disease can be stopped by a cow’s tit?
Kind of fact-statey.
I’m a top line invader, mastered taking down guards to a T
Cool biological reference.
You think I’d be scared by a bad case of acne?
Not super clever, just funny.
Bitch I’m H I V the S T D
Get A I Ds and you’ll D I E
I’ve seen jokes like this done before. Doesn’t make it bad though.
Take down whites John Brown style and paint the whole town red
Sort of a stretchy historical reference, but OK.
I do all of that while I’m still in bed
Funny.
Meanwhile to the books you’re just a scab fading
This works only because it’s a battle about sicknesses.
Shot down faster than Lennon in the 80s
I like this pun.
I don’t need blanket statements when I spit sick raps
But your rhymes must have ebola ‘cause they’re a bloody pile of crap!
Both good references.
Score: 8.75/10

Ebola:
Hey don’t rope me in like that don’t you know that I’m the best son?
The rope pun is good, but it’s not enough to carry the entire line.
Even got max level for my monkey business down in Reston
Confusing, good once you get it all though.
Doc says I got only a 90% chance of killing it when I spit sick
But he’s just afraid that I’m too fly for that dipshit
Nice double pun.
Only need to kill one American to make the internet explode
Not super clever, but funny.
So now I’ll burn both of you, call it my Hot Zone!
Nice reference.
Smallpox, you’ll be the first disease to get destroyed
Good set up.
Why don’t you go back to being some pervy scientist’s lab toy?
Funny, makes you think.
If you aren’t chicken why be scared of your ego getting shattered?
Decent chickenpox reference.
Sorry but all your stupid god Shitala don’t Mata!
Nice pun. Maybe could’ve tried to work a way to fit “ala” into a pun too but it still works.
And then there’s HIV, the Luigi of stealth
I’m not really sure if Luigi is the number one epitome of cowardly in pop culture, since I didn’t really get this until I checked the guide.
Why don’t you stop taking the Eazy way out and kill ‘em yourself?
Cool science fact and pun.
Your verse was a wreck you can't even control your own rhythm bro
Maybe that's why you're repped by the drunk driving ribbon OH!
Puns feel a little stretchy. It’s still good, I can’t really think of a better way to do it.
You know When Ebola In Town there’s no stopping it
I’m glad this was referenced. Line isn’t brilliant or anything though.
And anyone who mentions a vaccine can put a Salk in it
Nice one
Score: 9.25/10

Polio:
Ahem.
Hide yo kids ‘cause it’s time for Polio’s brand new season
The Bed Intruder reference is a bit random.
I’ll disable these diss-able pricks so watch ‘em get beaten!
Nice pun, surprised I’ve never heard that one before.
I spit hot packs, you all think you’re spitting sick rhymes?
The hot packs isn’t enough to carry the line.
Your style’s like a broke ass March of Dimes
Decent historical reference.
*laughs* WHO do you think you are to try and beat me with that junk?
Oh lord I can’t breathe I might need an iron lung
Good. Just hard to imagine in my head.
I turned a land of lawn chairs and beer to wheelchairs and fear
Even the president couldn’t stand up to me when I went full gear
Obvious FDR reference but it works.
Do Ice Cube and the Gorillaz think they can top that?
These references are a little stretchy.
Why don’t you rinder-pests get out and stop plaguing these tracks!
The rinderpest pun is OK but this mostly just feels like a set up for the next verse.
Score: 8/10

Black Death:
Yo, you called?
Cause I’m the OG BD MC y’all bitches can’t stop
Too similar to those HIV lines earlier.
I’m the only black death that’s bigger than Tupac’s
(y)
I’m a swag lord and a sex machine for sure
Even turned those pussy ass docs into dildo birds!
Not brilliant, just funny.
I mean yo I bring the heat you bring out your dead
Why don’t y’all stuff your shitty ass rhymes in my wagon instead?
Very good reference.
Niggas you ain’t even alive how could you be a challenge?
A bit fact statey, though the whole thing about the Black Death being alive makes it a little better.
Y’all just a bunch of leeches sucking off my talent!
Good historical reference.
I’m on top of you rats cuz I’m da illest rapper
Alright historical reference.
Yo I’ve seen badder viruses made by a geeky fucking cracker
Wording on this is a bit awkward. Like what it was going for though.
So Imma catapult over any motherfucker in my way
Good, although it is probably the most simple catapult joke you could do.
Smoked Europe so hard I made it my ashtray
This is pretty clever, had to think about it.
Destroy the mic so often they don’t know how many kills I got
Kinda fact statey.
Y’all haters can’t take it when I fire some shots
This shot pun is good but I don’t know of the Black Death should be bringing up shots.
I do my girls like my fleas, cause I go deep
Kind of clever but the wording comes of as a little dumb.
I’m the slickest and the sickest, I can’t be beat!
Super obvious, for some reason it works OK as a finisher.
Score: 8/10

Idea (Ungraded): So I guess I’m just going to do this category whenever I feel like it. Anyway, this was a really clever idea for a rap battle. Actually a good amount of history. Black Death works alright as a finisher, although Bieber Fever might’ve been funny too.

Overall: Lots of references, which is awesome. Just some minor problems with some obvious lines and sometimes some fact statey lines. Other than that, great battle that I learned a lot from. 8.5/10

Smallpox’s Worst Line: I dethroned real kings how could you fight with me?
Smallpox’s Best Line: But I sure did tear through Natives faster than a speeding bullet!
HIV’s Worst Line: What kind of disease can be stopped by a cow’s tit?
HIV’s Best Line: But your rhymes must have ebola ‘cause they’re a bloody pile of crap!
Ebola’s Worst Line: And then there’s HIV, the Luigi of stealth
Ebola’s Best Line: And anyone who mentions a vaccine can put a Salk in it
Polio’s Worst Line: *laughs* WHO do you think you are to try and beat me with that junk?
Polio’s Best Line: Even the president couldn’t stand up to me when I went full gear
Black Death’s Worst Line: Cause I’m the OG BD MC y’all bitches can’t stop
Black Death’s Best Line: I’m the only black death that’s bigger than Tupac’s

Final Results:
Smallpox: 9/10
HIV: 8.75/10
Ebola: 9.25/10
Polio: 8/10
Black Death: 8/10

Total Score: 51.5/60

[GonadTheNomad]

Ebola always wins.

[Samos]

Review my Freddy Fazbear VS Chuck E Cheese rap battle: http://www.rappad.co/rap/170577

Spoiler: 

Chuck E Cheese-Round 1:
No one fucks with the chuck, if they did they'll be shit out of luck
Pretty filler.
Now bend down and get on your knees and give me furry mouse balls a suck
This could be used for mostly anyone, just replacing “furry mouse” with something else.
My raps would tear through you so much you would be mangled
Obvious but decent pun.
Bitch slap you so much you'll be put back into parts and service dismantled
Not bad.
You don't want a pizza me, I'm not afraid of a mechanical bear
Funny pun.
People watch me for entertainment, while people watch you for cheap jumpscares
Basic insult.
Even gamers are complaining that the game ain't scary and the second game is too hard
Fact statey.
If I was in your game I would of toreador down to get the security guard
Nice pun, but this isn’t really an insult or a boast.
Score: 7.5/10

Freddy Fazbear-Round 1:
I stand tall on the stage with a mic at the front
That giant yellow C on your top chuck stands for Cunt
Not very creative.
Can your animatronics ever achieve facial recognition?
Quit your bitchin, before I get chica to whoop your ass in the kitchen
Neither of these are really jokes.
You're just a larger version of Stuart Little who wants to fit into the times
Funny.
When you start to move on-stage shivers go down children's spines
Fact statey.
Call me the mousetrap, you're about to be crushed
My rhymes are as tasty as pizza toppings while yours will be as bland as the crust
Good two finishers.
Score: 7.5/10

Chuck E Cheese-Round 2:
Your whole series is lame, The only reason you're big is because of your internet fame
Fact statey.
I'll be whooping your ass more faster than scott can release the next game
Pretty brutal actually.
The only thing disturbing about your games is the fanart that is drawn
Good.
I rather beat pasqually's drums to a song instead of beating to animatronic porn
This pun is OK but the wording is too confusing.
You'll look as torn as your fredbear counterpart, your screaming in the first game sounds like a dying banshee
After this match you'll end up as burnt as you were in Five Nights At Freddy's 3
These two lines are a bit similar, but they’re good.
You are a sad excuse for a bear, fucking winnie the pooh is more threatening than you
Not super clever, but funny.
All of your installments is just the same shit all the time, your going to give your fanbase deja vu
Meh, could’ve been a better joke about this.
Score: 8.5/10

Freddy Fazbear and Foxy the Pirate Fox-Round 2:
When I'm nearby you better close the doors
You can't run from me because your ass is bolted to the floor
Nice.
Crusty the cat should of stayed and you should of been forgot
Could’ve been a better Crusty the Cat reference.
Yarrgh, did somebody forget to check on the fox?
OK for a set up.
Keep pirate cove checked or I'm running down the halls
Badass motherfucker who will use his hook to rip off your balls
Torn to pieces but I'm still in the condition to give you an ass ripping
Go as hard as 4/20 mode on mofo's like you, you would be quitting
All references without real jokes.
You may have started concept unification and threw the rock-afire explosion in a ditch
But lets remember your restaurant went bankrupt so you had to become Billy Bob's bitch
Pretty funny.
This fox says, put down that electric guitar and retire
Obvious reference but it works.
Me and Freddy burned you so badly you'll be the one this time to die in a fire
Decent reference.
Score: 8/10

Overall: This battle does have a handful of kinda bad lines. But it also has a handful of good lines that aren’t just clever lines, but just good insults in general, and the “ooh” factor is very important in these. Just make sure less lines are fact-statey and that there are more jokes about the references. 7.5/10

Chuck E Cheese’s Worst Line: Now bend down and get on your knees and give me furry mouse balls a suck
Chuck E Cheese’s Best Line: I'll be whooping your ass more faster than scott can release the next game
Freddy Fazbear and Foxy’s Worst Line: When I'm nearby you better close the doors
Freddy Fazbear and Foxy’s Best Line: You can't run from me because your ass is bolted to the floor

Final Results:
Chuck E Cheese: 16/20
Freddy Fazbear and Foxy: 15.5/20

Total Score: 39/50

[Samos]

Can you review my Stanford Pines & Fiddleford McGucket vs Hitler and Goebbels? You can find it (as always) in MANCHA's chizzling center in the "writers block."

PS: It has a LOT of Gravity Falls spoilers.

Spoiler: 

Hitler/Goebbels-Round 1:
I AM ADOLF HITLER! Commander of the Third Reich!
Little known fact, I’m also quite dope on this mic!
Wish you’d done some sort of twist on the cliche or something.
You’re just a six-fingered nerd wearing space gear and a cape,
but a hobo’s beard to covered up your scared-ass face!
Generic insults.
Yo, it’s me, Goebbels, and I’m beating you two skanks!
Stanford, you have a bunker? I’ll make you hide there like Anne Frank!
Cool comparison, maybe could’ve made for a better joke.
You will Nazi this one coming, and you’re all going to Heil!
The Nazi joke is very overused, the Heil joke is a bit better.
now sit back and relax as you watch the Nazi Party prevail!
Basic boast.
Score: 4.75/10

Stanford/McGucket-Round 1:
These two little vermins tried to step up into my lab,
now what is that supposed to mean? Assdolf just needs to take a crap!
Not much of a pun.
We’re observing gnomes, shapeshifters and more, and we did it all in patience
unlike Jew who put millions of innocent people in camps of concentration
Too fact statey.
Now you there, Broseph, you burnt down Jewish books all for the sake of your country?
This seems like it’s about to set up a decent joke but it doesn’t.
We’ll dis up a McStorm over your fascist Nazi Germany!
If this is a reference to MC Storm, it’s pretty random.
Go freeze yourself in Carbonite again or go flop the mic Han Solo!
Decent pun, maybe a bit predictable.
You caused a world war, but took your own world, but you know what they say? YOLO!
The world pun is going somewhere. The YOLO thing just doesn’t make sense to me.
Score: 5/10

Hitler/Goebbels-Round 2:
Ooh, how cute! A Jewish kid and a cowboy stepping up to the chancellor!
Kind of funny comparisons.
We’ll shove these raps up your portal-hole! Bitch, just call us Bill Cipher!
Decent.
McGucket caused rampages through town because his wife left him?
You should have turned to another topic like a Lazy Susan!
OK reference.
Go back to playing the banjo in that old church no one uses.
So quit your Stalin on the mic! We’ll cut through you like the Jewish!
Stalin pun is overdone, Jewish line isn’t very creative.
We’ll beat you ‘till your eyeless, so don’t jack up on us now!
You better heil Hitler or else we’ll turn your town upside down!
Seem kind of filler.
Score: 6.5/10

Stanford/McGucket-Round 2:
Heil Hitler? No thanks, unlike you, America’s on democracy!
Fact statey.
So no need to be direct with your incoming foreign policies.
Yeah, we built a portal together, it’s the least we could do!
While you just cause a worldwide epidemic because you wanted to!
Again, fact statey.
Call us the United Allies, because we’re ending your crisis!
Alright. Not the most creative United Allies joke but it works fine enough.
But you compared to us? It won’t help you in the slightest!
Filler.
We’ll shapeshift around you, and then put you to bust!
At your rate in Nazi Germany, there’s no one you can trust!
OK reference.
Score: 7.25/10

Overall: It definitely picks up in the second half for some reason. A fair amount of fact statey lines, some filler, and some jokes that are just kind of confusing. I’d say be a bit more direct with the jokes and attempt more references. 6/10

Hitler and Goebbels’ Worst Line: Yo, it’s me, Goebbels, and I’m beating you two skanks!
Hitler and Goebbels’ Best Line: We’ll shove these raps up your portal-hole! Bitch, just call us Bill Cipher!
Stanford and McGucket’s Worst Line: But you compared to us? It won’t help you in the slightest!
Stanford and McGucket’s Best Line: At your rate in Nazi Germany, there’s no one you can trust!

Final Results:
Hitler and Goebbels: 11.25/20
Stanford and McGucket: 12.25/20

Total Score: 30/50

[BKTurner47]

Spoiler: 

Hitler/Goebbels-Round 1:
I AM ADOLF HITLER! Commander of the Third Reich!
Little known fact, I’m also quite dope on this mic!
Wish you’d done some sort of twist on the cliche or something.
You’re just a six-fingered nerd wearing space gear and a cape,
but a hobo’s beard to covered up your scared-ass face!
Generic insults.
Yo, it’s me, Goebbels, and I’m beating you two skanks!
Stanford, you have a bunker? I’ll make you hide there like Anne Frank!
Cool comparison, maybe could’ve made for a better joke.
You will Nazi this one coming, and you’re all going to Heil!
The Nazi joke is very overused, the Heil joke is a bit better.
now sit back and relax as you watch the Nazi Party prevail!
Basic boast.
Score: 4.75/10

Stanford/McGucket-Round 1:
These two little vermins tried to step up into my lab,
now what is that supposed to mean? Assdolf just needs to take a crap!
Not much of a pun.
We’re observing gnomes, shapeshifters and more, and we did it all in patience
unlike Jew who put millions of innocent people in camps of concentration
Too fact statey.
Now you there, Broseph, you burnt down Jewish books all for the sake of your country?
This seems like it’s about to set up a decent joke but it doesn’t.
We’ll dis up a McStorm over your fascist Nazi Germany!
If this is a reference to MC Storm, it’s pretty random.
This is actually a reference to McGucket's last name, which begins with a MC.
Go freeze yourself in Carbonite again or go flop the mic Han Solo!
Decent pun, maybe a bit predictable.
You caused a world war, but took your own world, but you know what they say? YOLO!
The world pun is going somewhere. The YOLO thing just doesn’t make sense to me.
Score: 5/10

Hitler/Goebbels-Round 2:
Ooh, how cute! A Jewish kid and a cowboy stepping up to the chancellor!
Kind of funny comparisons.
We’ll shove these raps up your portal-hole! Bitch, just call us Bill Cipher!
Decent.
McGucket caused rampages through town because his wife left him?
You should have turned to another topic like a Lazy Susan!
OK reference.
Go back to playing the banjo in that old church no one uses.
So quit your Stalin on the mic! We’ll cut through you like the Jewish!
Stalin pun is overdone, Jewish line isn’t very creative.
We’ll beat you ‘till your eyeless, so don’t jack up on us now!
You better heil Hitler or else we’ll turn your town upside down!
Seem kind of filler.
Score: 6.5/10

Stanford/McGucket-Round 2:
Heil Hitler? No thanks, unlike you, America’s on democracy!
Fact statey.
So no need to be direct with your incoming foreign policies.
Yeah, we built a portal together, it’s the least we could do!
While you just cause a worldwide epidemic because you wanted to!
Again, fact statey.
Call us the United Allies, because we’re ending your crisis!
Alright. Not the most creative United Allies joke but it works fine enough.
But you compared to us? It won’t help you in the slightest!
Filler.
We’ll shapeshift around you, and then put you to bust!
At your rate in Nazi Germany, there’s no one you can trust!
OK reference.
Score: 7.25/10

Overall: It definitely picks up in the second half for some reason. A fair amount of fact statey lines, some filler, and some jokes that are just kind of confusing. I’d say be a bit more direct with the jokes and attempt more references. 6/10

Hitler and Goebbels’ Worst Line: Yo, it’s me, Goebbels, and I’m beating you two skanks!
Hitler and Goebbels’ Best Line: We’ll shove these raps up your portal-hole! Bitch, just call us Bill Cipher!
Stanford and McGucket’s Worst Line: But you compared to us? It won’t help you in the slightest!
Stanford and McGucket’s Best Line: At your rate in Nazi Germany, there’s no one you can trust!

Final Results:
Hitler and Goebbels: 11.25/20
Stanford and McGucket: 12.25/20

Total Score: 30/50

Yeah, it's not one of my proudest raps.

Now can you review THIS:

Spoiler: 

Beat: Time Machine by Allrounda

EEEEPIC RAP BATTLES OF BIGKIDRANT3!!!! SELLBOTS... VERSUS... LAWBOTS... VERSUS.... CASHBOTS... VERSUS... THE BOSSBOTS!!!! BEGIN!

The Sellbots: Greetings, fellow bots! We’re the Sellbots here to battle,
the OCD money freaks, some overachievers and some fancy golf prattle!
Glad Hander: We’d love to hand it to ya! That deserves a nice slap on the back!
The Mingler: We’re not interested in your charges, Sharky! We’ll Pummel you, and that’s a fact!
Mover and Shaker: Shaking this battle up with my quaking and shaking,
been an all-star rapper while you three types were sitting around and debating!
The Sellbots: You want to shift, Spinny Steve? Here, try our Mingler’s paradigm!
Two-Face: Up against us? You’re gonna have to get the Sellbot EVIL EYE!
Cold Caller: Our disses are almost as cold as my double-talking tactics!
Telemarketer: You need small business loans? Well, you can have them!
The Sellbots: Worthy of our throne? We’re the original HQ owners outside of the garden!
Name Dropper: Looks like you cashed up! Time to steal your credit charges?
Did I mention I know Sir Max?
The Sellbots: We’re on the top of the bracket!
Mover and Shaker: You’re in my spot, Law-phonies! So move it, or lose it!
You feel a little shaken, need of some fixing up in rhyme!
The Sellbots: Fortunately for you three loser types, your shifts are just clipped-on paradigms!

CHANGE BEAT TO COUNT TRAPULA BY TRISTAN ON THE TRACK

The Cashbots: We’re the Cashbots, taking in your debt and replacing it with levies!
We’ll bounce your checks and snap your necks! I hope your Seller-bots are ready!
Bean Counter: I’ve been researching these three phonies and counting their beans,
but it seems to me like you’re gonna have to PAY through fucking with me!
Loan Shark: Not interested in my charges? Well, two can play hardball!
I’ll chomp and bite you and scatter your remains like a book of “Where’s Waldo?”
Money Bags: It’s not all about the money? The chunky, fresh money!
Call me Donald Trump,
Bean Counter: ‘Cuz you’re all getting FIRED tonight, sonnies!
Penny Pincher: Pinching all your pennies, because unlike you two, I actually care,
The Cashbots: About how much money we’ve spent and we do it quite fairly!
Cold Caller? You’re too cold! Mind if we get you an ice pack or two?
Short Change: Freeze us all you want, but as a matter of fact, we’re going to defeat you!
Number Cruncher: We didn’t cash up! We dried in like those goji berries you want to sell!
You know Sir Max?
The Cashbots: I bet you break the law as well!
Loan Shark: Me and my bros are tight, wad, you’re all just tightwads!
Tightwad: Straw-Fly nihilists won’t make it
The Cashbots: Through the money squad!

CHANGE BEAT AGAIN TO EL CHAPO BY TRISTAN ON THE TRACK

The Lawbots: We’re the Lawbots! Too quick on the law, arresting you all for foul rapping!
Bouncing our checks? We’ll sue you for ranting and ranting about your yapping!
Ambulance Chaser: Loan Shark, Loan Shark, causing people to lose their trust?
Back Stabber: You stabbed people in the back, but that’s my job, you bub!
I’ll file you a restraining order! Don’t come 20 miles near me!
Spin Doctor: Want to file a complaint? Well, you’re gonna have to get through me!
I do want to shift, thank you very much! SHIFT YOU ALL TO BITS!
Ambulance Chaser: Want to call you Donald Trump? No wonder why you’re balding!
Legal Eagle: (CAAWW!) Dropping fresh rhymes so cool they make all your rhymes deemed illegal!
These medieval Bowgart’s couldn’t dare come near us or else we’ll pull you off the market, BALD EAGL-
wait! I already am one and I’ll have this battle won for me and my peeps!
The Lawbots: These numbers you’re crunching cannot compare to the medical troubles we’ve caused in just one week!
Big Wig: I’m the big wig of the block, beating me is illegal in this nation.
You’re all due for jury duty! Time for you all to be arrested!
Double Talker: Gee, like I was glad to see the hander,
Bottom Feeder: Until we realized that it
Bloodsucker: Wasn’t a very ordinary sight!
Justice will be served on this court,
The Lawbots: And on the mic!

CHANGE BEAT TO HARD DARK VILLAIN RAP INSTRUMENTAL 2014 KILLERS PROTOCOL BY REDHOOK NOODLES

The Bossbots: These lower tier cogs think they’re so sophisticated because they have the skills to make
us crying and leaving? Well then, we’ll pummel you down like a birthday cake!
We’re the true OG’s of the game! The original masters of the game.
We’ll rewrite you in time and then school you all in fresh rhymes to get us all to fame!
Head Hunter: I’m bringing home your heads for dinner! Feeling a little shrinkage?
Bloodsucker? Suck on this! You’ll need a lot of legal help to survive this!
Corporate Raider: These three blind types over yonder glen,
can go despise a sweet maiden, you’ll never get here again!
Downsizer: (fast) Making my way to the bossing department
of these redundant types trying to step into my boss market!
These illegible, fallible, government scams,
ain’t nothing compared to the skills we have!
Bean Counter, don’t get your fancy hat in a knot,
like Fort Knox on the door of the money that you bought,
illegally from black markets across the CogNation!
The Big Cheese: You’re really teeing us off!
The Bossbots: Need a bit more information?

CHANGE BEAT TO NEW ERA BY DIDEKBEATS

Factory Foreman: Watching over these failure cogs smoking on a factory line.
I’m the foreman of this rap-machine, I’ll eat you all up like lunchtime!
The Downsizer can talk fast? Well then rap fast to this!
(fast) You’re a bean counting, downsizing disgrace of mankind who claims that he’s a god although he’s really a bitch!

The Mint Supervisor: I am the Mint Supervisor. Care me to say more?
I’ll beat out your little Mr. Hollywood’s with just one simple FORE!
Sell me goji’s all you want, but the only goji’s you’ll get,
are the mary janes you smoke when your life’s in major debt.

The District Attorney’s Clerk: (sighs) You all don’t understand on the road we’ll pave.
But instead of course, you had to bring our big title to our graves.
The toon forces are getting stronger and their devices are way smarter!
So what are we even doing here? Come on, we have to fight harder!

The Club President: You wannabe warrior therapist! I’ve got you in a barricade!
You can’t sue me! After all, we’re two members of the same robot race.
I’m the big bad boss of this big bad battle rap.
Tell your bones to stay in your shell, bitch! Out-rap to that!

CHANGE BEAT TO JUSTIN BUCKNER - FALLOUT 3 VS FALLOUT NEW VEGAS - FULL INSTRUMENTAL (start at 2:41)

The Director of Ambush Marketing: ENOUGH! I’ve had it with all you pesky servant mice!
I’m the true alpha boss! So you can all go run away and hide in fright.
Club President? No, thank you! As a director, I’m cutting you out!
Mint supervisor? Get a chewable mint because your raps are quite foul!
These Sellbots over here can go back to telemarketing the toons!
Get beaten up by them all day in night with no fragile review!
Cashbots can go back to charging people mortgage rates on their real estate!
But the only thing real about you eight is that you can’t seem to overpopulate!
Lawbots, get a grip! Law school is all over for you!
You’re acting all snooty and act like you have a higher IQ?
The best you’ve got in your systems are level 12 skeletons!
WHILE I’M THE LEVEL 50 WITH 2560 HP WITH SUPREME MARKETING!
Come on! We’re a team, guys! Let’s not overreact about it!
Any Toon who steps to us, we’ll give some positive reinforcement!
This battle is pointless, so let’s bury the hatchet!
So what if the game crashes? It’s still fun around the planet!

CHANGE BEAT TO DISNEY INSTRUMENTAL FROM STAN LEE VS JIM HENSON BY SHURANISTAKEN

Sir Max: (evil laughter Fun around the planet? Not this time!)
I am Sir Max, the maximum owner of your mints unstoppably!
The evil land-owner of all your intellectual property!
SO GET BACK TO WORK! This is my time you’re wasting!
I didn’t steal you all for billions so you could play around debating!
You no longer belong to Disney, you’re all just products to me!
SO DO WHAT YOU DO BEST AND EXPLODE DOWN FOR ME!
Toons wanting to do Storm Sellbot but have to beat Oldman? I WON’T LET THEM!
Glitches causing my game to crash? I WON’T FIX THEM!
If I can steal Mickey Mouse’s ears, Donald’s Ducks boat and still be off the hook,
than it’s obvious that the winner is none other than me, you kooks!
CLEARLY, there’s NOBODY near me!
I’m OWNING this battle! But wait, I REWROTE YOUR WHOLE SERIES!
So get right onto the Toontown bandwagon, cogs, but don’t rock it!
I’ll put you all in a sweatshop with no green in your pockets!
I don’t care if I’m a criminal, I’m only doing it for myself!
NOW JOIN ME NOW, FILTHY PEASANTS! OR YOU’RE ALL GOING TO ROBO-HELL!

Announcer: Who won? Who’s next? You decide.. I guess... I don’t even know anymore..... EPIC..... (oh why am I still in this position?)

Sir Max: GET BACK TO ANNOUNCING, FACELESS!

Announcer: frightened for all that is holy RAP BATTLES OF BIGKIDRANT3!!!!!!!

[Klonoa]

Alright, let's try this again... review my Sully and Stahl vs Sain and Kent, please? ...You know, I should probably name it "My last Fire Emblem rap battle" ...No promises, though.

You'll have to scroll down. Thanks!

[Samos]

Alright, let's try this again... review my Sully and Stahl vs Sain and Kent, please? ...You know, I should probably name it "My last Fire Emblem rap battle" ...No promises, though.

You'll have to scroll down. Thanks!

Spoiler: 

Sully and Stahl-Round 1:
With raps sharper than an Eagler’s talons in the skies,
OK reference, kind of straightforward.
I’ll gladly send these arche-typos down to their demise.
Arche-typos is a good pun, not quite enough to carry the line though.
They’ll never be Great Knights; they should check their status.
Sorta fact statey.
Or I’ll shove their Blazing Sword and burn their small little asses!
Pretty simple pun.
They disobeyed-! (I’ll have them slayed!) ...the orders of their captain.
They’ll break my heart--! (Tear them apart!) ...with their sucky rapping.
Also a little fact statey.
May I have the pleasure of your head? ‘Cause I’ll be Caelin you all!
And make Shakespeare’s King Lear think you’re awful to a fault!
Some nice references in these two lines.
The green one’s sane, but strange. He flirts?! I’ll give him what for!
Nice forum reference, the flirt thing isn’t much of an insult though.
And call me a Russian leader; I’m ruling with an Iron Sword!
OK, but kind of a stretch for a reference.
Where should we stab ‘em, Stahl? Everywhere. That’s great advice!
Kind of a simple joke to make about that wuote.
Now let’s do the impossible and kill them twice!
This is pretty great.
Score: 7.5/10

Sain and Kent-Round 1:
Hey Kent? Tell me please, why’s this dweeb and this plebe
beefing incessantly with the two knights of Elibe?
Flow is cool, line’s aren’t too special.
They want to screw with us, Sain, like a young Dr. Huxtable.
This seems like it could be used against almost anyone.
You go destroy that tomboy. I’ll uproot this vegetable.
The vegetable joke is good.
If anyone thinks I’ll hold back for this lady, they’re mistaken.
Funny.
I mean, I’d dis my counterpart, but that Stahl’s already taken…
Really good pun.
You’re no damsel; you’re a monster! Hardly worthy of seduction.
Flip you the bird, then drop you like a plane in the Hudson!
Good double joke on the Sully name.
You hungry for more, Stahl? Let me serve you with this rap.
Works better for Stahl than it would for most people, as I understand it.
Your verse, like your hair, should be cut short. (Oh snap!)
Awesome line. Only problem is the “oh snap” seems a bit stretchy for a rhyme.
Too bad you can’t brush that off, ‘cause your resistance is… yuck.
Decent follow up on the last hair joke.
And there’s nothing special with you. Save for how your raps suck.
Maybe not the best joke about the average stats, but it works.
Score: 9/10

Sully and Stahl-Rest of the Battle:
Was that rapping a joke? It just hastened your decline.
And me putting my boot in your face is the punchline.
Nice joke about the quote.
You remind me of fondue: incoherent and cheesy.
I might be missing a reference, but it seems like this line doesn’t include any reference specific to any of these rappers. Aside from the Stahl likes food thing, which isn’t really enough.
We’re the vicious Bull and Panther! You’re… Mario and Luigi.
This is alright. Mario and Luigi isn’t much of a bad thing but the joke still works.
Those raps were a wash. Worse than mine; I’m appalled!
Pretty good.
I’ll never honor you again! ...Unless you run into a wall.
Joke is kind of confusing. I don’t know why running into a wall would make you honor someone.
Let’s kill ’em now, after all, they’re dying to see the Light.
Clever.
But like FnaF 4, once they see red, it’s knighty-knight!
Sort of a random reference, but I get it.
Score: 9.25/10

Sain and Kent-Rest of the Battle:
Your curses don’t deter me! In fact, they’re bloody dismal!
And those raps you cooked up were disgustingly abysmal…
Not a super specific reference.
Your Iron Sword’s got nothing on my raps and Lance of steel,
Joke works OK, a bit too far away from the last Stalin joke for it to be really effective though.
Sucks this isn’t Pokemon. ‘Cause you need a Burn Heal.
Not really related to any of the rappers in any major way.
You Kent beat us! Aye, you must be inSain.
Neither pun works great on its own, but together it works alright.
If you’re not Abel to fight, then you should be slain!
Pretty clever.
Go back to herding your sheep, ‘cause you talk a lot of bull.
I get it, but it’s a little confusing.
Or else your legacy will be missing from the credits roll!
Good finisher.
Score: 8.5/10

Overall: Another very good battle. Some of the references are a bit out there and random, but I guess that’s kind of necessary for a battle between only people within one game franchise. Jokes have a few real hits, and there aren’t very many below average lines at all. 8.5/10

Sully and Stahl’s Worst Line: They disobeyed-! (I’ll have them slayed!) ...the orders of their captain.
Sully and Stahl’s Best Line: Now let’s do the impossible and kill them twice!
Sain and Kent’s Worst Line: Your curses don’t deter me! In fact, they’re bloody dismal!
Sain and Kent’s Best Line: I mean, I’d dis my counterpart, but that Stahl’s already taken…

Final Results:
Sully and Stahl: 16.75/20
Sain and Kent: 17.5/20

Total Score: 42.75/50

Hope it doesn't look like to some people like favoritism if I do this review so quickly, I really just have more time now that it's the weekend.

[Poles]

yknow what screw it
Review Radiohead vs The Beatles :3