Presidential Reviews

[sane]

Can I change my Jurassic Park to another movie

[Samos]

Could you please review Items of Power from beginning to end?

Spoiler: 

Chapter 1: The first line makes things exciting right off the bat. Putting the backstories in spoilers is a nice touch, doesn’t feel like too much exposition. Putting Michael Bay in with 3 Presidents in describing people with superpowers seems pretty out of place.

Chapter 2: Basically just a good introduction to Ludwig. Sets him up as a villain but a light-hearted one.

Chapter 3: Cookie Clicker’s intro is kind of mysterious and kind of interesting. I was hoping for more references to the actual game, but that’s a minor gripe.

Chapter 4: I really like the dialogue in this chapter. Pretty intense. The sudden tonal shift to the French accent seems kind of like a quick shift.

Chapter 5: The four POVs right in a row are kind of overwhelming for me. Nice cliffhanger ending though.

Chapter 6: I really appreciate the font changes. Gives a nice sense of personality. Some of the dialogue in this chapter drags on a little.

Chapter 7: Starting off with dialogue instead of the POV is a nice move. Ending with Chaotic’s POV also works well.

Chapter 8: The new format of this chapter really gives a vibe that things are getting serious, and that we’re reaching a climax. Ludwig is great in this chapter.

Chapter 9: Great opening to the chapter, but the lack of punctuation at the end of the opening action is pretty distracting. Some of the dialogue is pretty villain cliche-y. In all, I think this is a little too short to be a finale. It’s satisfying plot-wise, and sets up the next volume well, but it just doesn’t feel like the kind of climax it seemed to be leading towards.

Overall: The storytelling is pretty great. Not too much narration, but not too much needed. The dialogue and backstories are in the right places so as to keep the story from dragging. A lot of the characters aside from Ludwig aren’t super memorable though, and as such the dialogue kind of drags in parts. Still, it was a pretty good read overall.

Can I change my Jurassic Park to another movie

Yeah sure

[BrineBlade]

Thanks

[Samos]

Okay, if you're not busy, could you review something really old? Old by my standards because I made it before I joined. Grease x Pokemon.

Spoiler: 

This joint could be aromatic… emblematic… full of static… why, it could be Feast Lighting!
Great opening.
Feast Lighting!
We’ll get some roasted Pikachus with a side of mashed Electrodes, oh yeah!
(Keep talking, whoa, keep talking!)
Then some deep fried Pachirisu and some Raikou a la mode, oh yeah!
(We’ll get the money, we’ll kill to get the money!)
When we offer Jolteons and all electric Pokemon, we’re gonna rake in lots of dough with boiled Luxio, it’s Feast Lighting!
The references are decent. Maybe the jokes about said references could be a bit more specific to them, but it’s still effective and the rhyming makes it sound really funny.

Go Feast Lighting, you’re cooking up a thunderstorm! (Go Feast Lighting, Go Feast Lighting!)
Nice pun.
Go Feast Lighting, it’s looking like the folks will swarm! (Feast Lighting, Go Feast Lighting!)
You look so cool! The world will drool! For Feast Lighting!


Perhaps you’ll be a bit rocked when we cook the Mons before your eyes!
(So morbid! Oh, so morbid!)
I love the chant that goes here. Kinda wish there was more of this kind of thing.
But after, you’ll be shocked when the food’s so good, you’re paralyzed!
Nice one.
(Feast Lighting, go Feast Lighting!)
It can travel near and far, so much faster than a car!
So step aside, John Travolta! Here’s a boiled Thunderbolt-a!
Funny rhyme, but there could’ve been a better John Travolta reference.
Feast Lighting!


Go Feast Lighting, your meals are smelling mighty fine! (Feast Lightning, Go Feast Lighting!)
Go Feast Lighting, the feels I get are just divine! (Feast Lighting, Go Feast Lighting!)
You are supreme! Each night I dream! For Feast Lighting!
Wish this verse here had more Pokemon references.


Go Feast Lighting, you’ll never need financial help! (Expensive! We’re expensive!)
Go Feast Lighting, you’re gonna get five stars on Yelp! (Through bribing! Threats and blackmail!)
Great reference, and the chant afterward makes it even better.
We’ll rule the world! We’ll get the girls! With Feast Lighting!


Lighting! Lighting! Lighting! Lighting! Lighting! Lighting! Lighting! Lighting!

Overall: This was a really funny premise, and it was done pretty well. I could really hear it in my head, and it sounded really funny. The rhymes are great, only problem is that there are probably some lines that could use more references, and more of the chants could’ve been like the “threats and blackmail” or “so morbid” ones. Still, great job.

[sane]

Spoiler: 

Chapter 1: The first line makes things exciting right off the bat. Putting the backstories in spoilers is a nice touch, doesn’t feel like too much exposition. Putting Michael Bay in with 3 Presidents in describing people with superpowers seems pretty out of place.

Chapter 2: Basically just a good introduction to Ludwig. Sets him up as a villain but a light-hearted one.

Chapter 3: Cookie Clicker’s intro is kind of mysterious and kind of interesting. I was hoping for more references to the actual game, but that’s a minor gripe.

Chapter 4: I really like the dialogue in this chapter. Pretty intense. The sudden tonal shift to the French accent seems kind of like a quick shift.

Chapter 5: The four POVs right in a row are kind of overwhelming for me. Nice cliffhanger ending though.

Chapter 6: I really appreciate the font changes. Gives a nice sense of personality. Some of the dialogue in this chapter drags on a little.

Chapter 7: Starting off with dialogue instead of the POV is a nice move. Ending with Chaotic’s POV also works well.

Chapter 8: The new format of this chapter really gives a vibe that things are getting serious, and that we’re reaching a climax. Ludwig is great in this chapter.

Chapter 9: Great opening to the chapter, but the lack of punctuation at the end of the opening action is pretty distracting. Some of the dialogue is pretty villain cliche-y. In all, I think this is a little too short to be a finale. It’s satisfying plot-wise, and sets up the next volume well, but it just doesn’t feel like the kind of climax it seemed to be leading towards.

Overall: The storytelling is pretty great. Not too much narration, but not too much needed. The dialogue and backstories are in the right places so as to keep the story from dragging. A lot of the characters aside from Ludwig aren’t super memorable though, and as such the dialogue kind of drags in parts. Still, it was a pretty good read overall.

Yeah sure

Inside Llewyn Davis

[Klonoa]

Well I'll be honest, I didn't expect you to go section by section and give feedback on each individual part. Thanks a bundle anyway!

[Samos]

I'VE GOT MORE! So you can review this now:

Spoiler: 

The Creepypasta Fandom:
Creepypasta Leader:
Do you have time to talk about our lord and savior, Slenderman,
who saved us from a life of eternal pain and overweight body mass?
Funny, but not really insulting or boasting, so kind of pointless.
The Creepy Cosplayer: OR EYELESS JACK OR TICCI TOBY OR LAUGHING JACK OR HOMICIDAL LIU,
OR HEARTFUL LIU OR THE OBSERVER OR BOOTLEG SPONGEBOB,
References without jokes.
Creepypasta Leader: Yep. We’re going to utterly defeat you!
We turn innocent kids into sleep-deprived maniacs,
you turn hopeless kids into Furries with an eyepatch. (eyepatch)
Pretty good.
You ruined the world, tried to make it all iFunny,
Decent pun-reference.
but you’re only in the Collective!
The Creepy Cosplayer: Try being a bit more creepy!
Not jokey enough.
Creepypasta Leader: Five Nights at Freddy's? Yeah, I’ll cut ya like a Slim Jim,
scatter around all your suits’ blood and gore and hide them in your “entertainment!”
Decent
Your fandom is the farthest thing from Zalgo’s eyes of perfection!
Good reference, maybe could be a better Zalgo reference.
The Creepy Cosplayer: LET'S DO ZALGO COSPLAY AND ROLEPLAY FOR HIS AFFECTION!
Creepypasta Leader: Now with the cosplayer gone, let’s take a more balanced approach.
Storytelling without much joking.
You couldn’t even get fame if it weren’t for some blonde douche, bro!
Could’ve definitely been a better joke about this.
Yo mama so stupid, she liked that trend of your FNAF!
Generic insult.
Repost in the next 2 seconds, or I’m KILLING YOUR ASS!
Good finisher.
Score: 7.5/10

The FNAF Fandom:
The FNAF Leader: You wanna talk about Freddy Fazbear, the leader of our crew?
Foxy Fanboy: AND FOXY TOO!
Kind of hard to follow the flow for these lines. If the joke is that the Foxy Fanboy totally messes up the flow, that’s pretty funny.
The FNAF Leader: We’re gonna leave the Creepy Linguini with a bruise!
Creepy Linguini is clever.
You’re not better than a bunch of Happy Appy apple juice.
Jokeless reference.
Foxy Fanboy: NOT EVEN FOXY LIKES YOU! SO WE’LL SCREECH!
Basic insult.
The FNAF Leader: And defeat you!
We’ve gotten into raps ever since our encounter with your experiments
At the rate you're going, you'll almost be as bad as your fanfics!
Funny, maybe could’ve been a better fanfic line.
You claim that I’m a Furry? Well, get a taste of my YIFFING.
Foxy Fanboy: YIFF LIKE FOXY!
The FNAF Leader: YIFF YIFF YIFF YIFF YIFFING!
The yiffing isn’t really insulting or boasting or anything.
Now that you’re out of the way, let’s diss out the cosplayer.
Go back to your Axis of cheap rhymes,
Foxy Fanboy: YOURE ALL JUST A BUNCH O’ FAKERS! (OOH!)
Axis is an OK pun, the fakers thing seems just tacked on to get a rhyme.
FOXY WENT AGAINST CAPTAIN CRUNCH AND HE CRUNCHED HIM!
Decent boast.
The FNAF Leader: Creepypasta is only for lonely boys without a relationship.
Not really following the flow here either.
But since we’re here, let’s diss out your little fandom on iFunny too!
Going to massive ratings to make “sexy” artwork out of you?
OK iFunny reference.
Foxy Fanboy: THAT'S A LIE! FURRIES WILL SOON BE THE BEST!
*pops cap*
The FNAF Leader: Now would you look at that? YOU’RE ALL DEAD!
Just storytelling.
Score: 6/10

Emos, Reposts, Cars, and Gravity Falls:
Counting this as one verse just to keep the scoring from getting too out of hand.
Emo Leader: My mom wouldn’t let me go out to the Death to the Public-itarians Concert.
I feel like I wanna die!
Emo Sidekick: I’ll die too because we’re both Stuck in the Nuclear Dirt!
These references aren’t bad, they’re just not insulting or boasting. Just seems kinda pointless.
Emo Leader: But that’s not a song made by Death to the Public-itarians!
Emo Sidekick: WE QUIT!
Emo Leader: Someone else finish these rhymes for us... blip...

Repost Leader: Creepypasta is only for lonely boys without a relationship!
This is pretty funny.
FNAF just has terrible screeches and god-awful fanfictions!
Basic insults.
Repost Bar: THE REPOST BAR SAYS - 20 MINUTES INTO BKR3 AND CHILL,
Repost Leader: He gives you this look!
Repost Bar: We quit too, Emos!
Repost Leader: Someone else finish the jiggles!

Car Leader: YOU CAN BUY THIS CAR ONLY FOR $199999.99!
Car Admirer: I mean, just look at those handcrafted designs!
Car Leader: This is too good to be true!
Car Admirer: Get this car with all the viruses!
Car Leader: Wait.. we got the viruses.... So long story short... WE QUIT!
Another storytelling heavy verse.

Gravity Falls Leader: Here comes the one people actually listen to!
I’m giving you the first worthwhile thing to do in your life, and you won’t even listen!
Decent reference.
MoringMark Admirer: Too bad for you!
Gravity Falls Leader: Stanley, WAIT! Don’t push me into the device!
MoringMark Admirer: Can it, Poindexter! You CAN HAVE IT!
Gravity Falls Leader: NOOO!!!! YOU WON’T GET AWAY WITH THIIIIIIIIIISSSS!!!!!
More storytelling without jokes.
Score: 5/10

KiK and Tumblr:
Merging these 2 together for the same reason as before, to keep scores from getting crazy
KiK Leader: KiK ME NOW FOR NUDES! #beingsuperrebel!
Nice reference, but not boasty or jokey enough.
Gravity Falls can’t KiK me! That show is made by the Devil!
Kinda obvious but decent pun.
But I did Netflix and Chill,
KiK SideKiK: With her boyfriend/girlfirend and succeeded!
OK reference, wording is weird.
KiK Leader: Cars can’t do Netflix and Chill! So they’re losers, BEEYATCH!
Too simple.
KiK SideKiK: We have pumpkin spice flavored raps and Starbucks’ latte!
KiK Leader: And don’t forget fake blonde highlights!
KiK SideKiK: Do you really think I’d forget that, eh?
Kinda fact statey, but at least they’re references.
KiK Leader: Creepypasta and FNAF? BLEEEEEEEGH! THATS FOR NERDS!
Basic insult.
I’d prefer Instagram and Vine (Instagram: Finally! PRAYERS ANSWERED!)
The Answered thing seem like a rhyme stretch.
KiK SideKiK: You know what? We quit from this bullshit!
KiK Leader: Don’t ever KiK us! You’re not worthy of
KiK SideKiK: IIT!
OK finisher/”I’m leaving” line

Tumblr Leader: We’re the Tumblr leaders, taking place of these failed KiK’s!
Not really a reference aside from that KiK just quit.
Tumblr Sidekick: No wit when it comes to spit,
Tumblr Leader: Much like the Gravity Falls and their horrendous,
fanfictions, fan-art, and MoringMark worship that you do!
Too fact-statey.
Tumblr Sidekick: Really, though? You’d best know
Tumblr Leader: That we have a Staff that knows kung-fu!
Also doesn’t really seem like the best joke you could make.
And Creepypasta, huh?
Tumblr Sidekick: Claim that you’re a big deal?
Let’s see how you like it,
Tumblr Leader: And give you FEELS ON WHEELS?
This line works pretty well for Tumblr, and give some personality.
Score: 7/10

MLG and YTP:
MLG: 1v1 me rusts! Here comes the MLG
YTP: And the Youtube Poop here to brawl!
We’re like an infinite DINNER blaster, because we’re coming for your balls!
Maybe not the best dinner blaster reference, but it works.
MLG: Play Darude - Sandstorm (da na na na na na num)
YTP: Because we’re bringing a total killer!
Pretty clever, if it means what I think it means.
MLG: Your memes are about as dank as Hannah Montana!
Fairly random reference.
YTP: If you don’t hear from us in a month, send LINK to help you with your needs!
I get the reference, but what needs exactly is Link fulfilling? The wording is just a bit off.
MLG: Tumblr will get noscoped ‘cuz he’s a member of the LOOMINARTY!
OK reference mixing.
DAYUM SON, WHERE’D YOU FIND THIS?
YTP: I don’t know.
Funny chemistry between these 2.
I don’t see how a KiK could protect you all from our Hotel Mario!
I don’t really see why Hotel Mario is threatening.
We’ve got SPAGHETTI and MEATBALLS and toasters that toast.. TOAST!
Nice reference mixing, but needs to be a dis or boast or threat.
MLG: GOTTA GO FAST!
YTP: SANIC!
MLG: SIKE! Y’all about to be NOSCOPED! *hitmarker*
At this point it’s just craziness, which works pretty well for them.
YTP: We’re like Toys Gone Wild, because if you know what’s in store,
Really clever set up line.
then you’re gonna laugh at your failure! Also,
Unfortunately not much of a punchline.
MLG: FUCK YOU BALTIMORE!
420 BLAZE IT MOTHERFUCKERS, WE’RE LIKE PEPE THE FROG!
Sub now bitch or I will noscope ur mum.
These lines are by no means clever, but it works well here so I can give it a pass.
YTP: You’re feeble, and unpredictible!
MLG: Not successful in the least!
From now on, never mess
YTP: With the
YTP and MLG: THE HUMOR EMCEES!
These last 2 lines are pretty underwhelming.
Score: 8/10

Overall: This is a pretty crazy battle. In some parts, that’s a good thing because it’s funny, in other parts it’s just confusing. Just remember that references are better than no references, but you want to make clever or creative jokes about as many of the references as you can. Also, the storytelling format of this battle could’ve been handled better. It seemed like some of the combatants spent the whole time building their personality and none actually attempting to boast or dis. But the YTP and MLG verse shows that you can do the personality thing alright in a rap battle. 7/10

Creepypasta Fandom’s Worst Line: Now with the cosplayer gone, let’s take a more balanced approach.
Creepypasta Fandom’s Best Line: Repost in the next 2 seconds, or I’m KILLING YOUR ASS!
FNAF Fandom’s Worst Line: Creepypasta is only for lonely boys without a relationship.
FNAF Fandom’s Best Line: We’re gonna leave the Creepy Linguini with a bruise!
Emos/Reposts/Cars/Gravity Falls’ Worst Line: He gives you this look! (We quit too, Emos!) (Someone else finish the jiggles!)
Emos/Reposts/Cars/Gravity Falls’ Best Line: Creepypasta is only for lonely boys without a relationship!
KiK and Tumblr’s Worst Line: You know what? We quit from this bullshit!
Let’s see how you like it, and give you FEELS ON WHEELS?
MLG and YTP’s Worst Line: You’re feeble, and unpredictible! Not successful in the least!
MLG and YTP’s Best Line: Play Darude - Sandstorm (da na na na na na num) Because we’re bringing a total killer!

Total Score: 40.5/60 (33.75/50)

[BKTurner47]

Yep. It's bad. Now can you review I know this is like the 5th review, but lay off! THIS:

Spoiler: 

BEAT: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jfhs04SjJTU

EEEEEEEPIC RAP BATTLES OF BIGKIDRANT3!!!! VICTOR KRANE.... VERSUS.... DR. CROSS!!! BEGIN!!!!

Dr. Cross: The doctor is in, now tell me your name,
so I can put that identity of yours into anarchy and shame.
Victor Krane tried to put the whole world on his lap,
until he got blasted out of the world with a Leo glove blast!
Abusing your orphans and abusing your bionics.
Abusing your heart, I truly think you’re chaotic!
As a psychologist, I suggest you’d turn back and go back to your lab rats,
or else this Cross is gonna turn a crane into a hack of a man!

Victor Krane: Someone better call Red Cross because a bitch going down.
A wannabe terrorist tries to rob me of my Modern Family crown?
Well clearly, you’re gonna have to try a lot harder than that!
So quit acting like a doctor, because you can’t fucking win like that!
You’re not a sir, mister! You stole your doctorate and your PhD.
Unlike me, you just stole every penny of your money.
You’re giving me a R.A.S.H., doctor with your terrible rhymes.
I’ll chomp down on a George W. Bush faker like it’s l-l-lunchtime!

Dr. Cross: You must be crazy, Victor! Allow me to cure you of your insanity.
What’s anger issues compared to me and my invulnerability!
I’m feared by Milton Krupnick, Jack Brewer and the US officials!
While you’re feared by Tak with his Juju but can’t afford medical and dental!
Now let’s cut to the Chase, I heard you’re treating Douglas like shit.
A born megalomaniac? It’s best off if you’d quit!
Remove those veins from your head, they make you look uneducated.
You’re a billionaire, huh? Well I’m about to rob you of your fortune!

Victor Krane: Rob me of my fortune? Ha ha, what a laugh.
My sensors are telling me from the looks of you, you’ve never taken a bath.
While I’m beating out Adam and Chase, and Bree-zing by government goons,
you mutinize millions of innocent people watching them suffer in doom!
You ripped off Hitler’s discrimination and Albert Einstein’s haircut.
And now you’re burning the world’s largest penny into a little tiny pot?
This wasn’t even a contest! S-1! Tell me who’s next.
Because the doctor that is in is now the doctor who’s dead.

Dr. Cross: Shockingly enough, I wasn’t even surprised,
by the fact you’re trying to fill me up with toxic experiment lies.
You claim this is a Bree-ze? Well then, I’m too cold for you!
But no matter how much I chop and punch, it doesn’t matter because I still hate you!

Victor Krane: That verse was almost as bad as your crooked overbite.
Yikes! With those teeth of yours, there'll be no heroes left to bite!
I’m getting tired here, Cross, of this illogical nonsense rapping.
But it ain’t half as a flimsy shim-sham as your victory, bitch!

Announcer: WHO WON? WHO’S NEXT? YOU DECIDE!!!! EPIC! (Victor Krane grunting in the background as a result of bionic repair) RAP BATTLES OF BIGKIDRANT3!!!!

[Turtlesauce]

Yep. It's bad. Now can you review I know this is like the 5th review, but lay off! THIS:

Spoiler: 

BEAT: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jfhs04SjJTU

EEEEEEEPIC RAP BATTLES OF BIGKIDRANT3!!!! VICTOR KRANE.... VERSUS.... DR. CROSS!!! BEGIN!!!!

Dr. Cross: The doctor is in, now tell me your name,
so I can put that identity of yours into anarchy and shame.
Victor Krane tried to put the whole world on his lap,
until he got blasted out of the world with a Leo glove blast!
Abusing your orphans and abusing your bionics.
Abusing your heart, I truly think you’re chaotic!
As a psychologist, I suggest you’d turn back and go back to your lab rats,
or else this Cross is gonna turn a crane into a hack of a man!

Victor Krane: Someone better call Red Cross because a bitch going down.
A wannabe terrorist tries to rob me of my Modern Family crown?
Well clearly, you’re gonna have to try a lot harder than that!
So quit acting like a doctor, because you can’t fucking win like that!
You’re not a sir, mister! You stole your doctorate and your PhD.
Unlike me, you just stole every penny of your money.
You’re giving me a R.A.S.H., doctor with your terrible rhymes.
I’ll chomp down on a George W. Bush faker like it’s l-l-lunchtime!

Dr. Cross: You must be crazy, Victor! Allow me to cure you of your insanity.
What’s anger issues compared to me and my invulnerability!
I’m feared by Milton Krupnick, Jack Brewer and the US officials!
While you’re feared by Tak with his Juju but can’t afford medical and dental!
Now let’s cut to the Chase, I heard you’re treating Douglas like shit.
A born megalomaniac? It’s best off if you’d quit!
Remove those veins from your head, they make you look uneducated.
You’re a billionaire, huh? Well I’m about to rob you of your fortune!

Victor Krane: Rob me of my fortune? Ha ha, what a laugh.
My sensors are telling me from the looks of you, you’ve never taken a bath.
While I’m beating out Adam and Chase, and Bree-zing by government goons,
you mutinize millions of innocent people watching them suffer in doom!
You ripped off Hitler’s discrimination and Albert Einstein’s haircut.
And now you’re burning the world’s largest penny into a little tiny pot?
This wasn’t even a contest! S-1! Tell me who’s next.
Because the doctor that is in is now the doctor who’s dead.

Dr. Cross: Shockingly enough, I wasn’t even surprised,
by the fact you’re trying to fill me up with toxic experiment lies.
You claim this is a Bree-ze? Well then, I’m too cold for you!
But no matter how much I chop and punch, it doesn’t matter because I still hate you!

Victor Krane: That verse was almost as bad as your crooked overbite.
Yikes! With those teeth of yours, there'll be no heroes left to bite!
I’m getting tired here, Cross, of this illogical nonsense rapping.
But it ain’t half as a flimsy shim-sham as your victory, bitch!

Announcer: WHO WON? WHO’S NEXT? YOU DECIDE!!!! EPIC! (Victor Krane grunting in the background as a result of bionic repair) RAP BATTLES OF BIGKIDRANT3!!!!

You should seriously start paying him for this

[BKTurner47]

You should seriously start paying him for this

Okay. I'll try to....