Hades:
Rise from your tomb, mutt, so that I may put you to sleep permanently.
Pretty good, straightfoward opener.
You were upstaged by Frankenstein, yet you think you can step to me?
Funny, but Frankenstein isn’t really a symbol of anything that would be really embarrassing to lose to.
I can predict your coffin texts; there won't be any scale tipping.
Nice reference.
And I can tell I'm bringing the heat from the wounds you're licking!
Good dog joke.
I'm spitting hellfire, while you're fighting with Styx and stones.
Styx and stones is clever.
You don't need to enter my underworld to know that you're boned!
The wording on “you’re boned” is kind of weird to me.
Trust me, this ain't a labor, I'm bringing more harm than is allowed.
The wording on this line is also confusing, though I like the reference.
I'm not a bad fellow, but Zeus knows I'll bring a bitch down!
I don’t know if the “I’m not a bad fellow” is necessary. Ending joke works OK.
Score: 8.5/10
Anubis:
Hm. If you think you're hot, you must be in denile.
Pretty obvious but still fairly effective.
'Cause I'm about to fuck up this reject; doggy style!
I like this, but the dog jokes are starting to pass the line into overkill.
Step off, your skills on the mic are Tartarusty!
Nice pun.
I'll leave you in so many bandages, you'll look like my mummies!
Good one.
You're irrelevant, roman all the place with your claims.
Aside from the basic “irrelevant” insult, this isn’t really an insult. Pun is OK though.
Your power's as tiny as Pluto, so it's good you're living up to your name!
I didn’t know Hades was the Greek version of Pluto. This puts that to good use.
Your flow's like Athena, giving me a headache that would cause Dionysus to suffer!
Athena being a headache is pretty funny. The Dionysus reference works well too. My only issue here is that I can’t really imagine how this flows in my head, but I won’t mark off for it.
Fall like the Trojans; you have as much chance to win as hell freezing over!
Great.
Score: 9.5/10
Hel:
It's Hel, bringing hell, in this dawn of the dead!
Nice opener.
Bringing Ragnarok on the mic; Lassie and Johnny got no cred!
References without too many jokes.
What's wrong, Hades, you rap like you have Bifrost bite!
Could it be because of Persephone blue-balling you every night?
Really clever reference mixing in these two lines.
And Anubis, I'll be the judge of your lack of rhymes!
Nice set up.
You're not sick, but I'll make an exception for you in my domain this time!
The wording of “you’re not sick” is a bit too straightforward to me, but I like the joke it was going for.
My words may be cold like Ymir, but I'm still burning you hotter than Surtr!
Kind of obvious jokes about these references, but still good.
Your boasts are baldrdash; when you fall, no one will shed a tear!
Nice.
Score: 9/10
Izanami:
The queen of the dead is here to reign in on all your celebrations!
Good, my only issue is that this pun could kind of be used just the same by any figure of royalty.
I can predict all your actions; you'll send yourself to Yomi in frustration!
Confusing, but great once you figure it out.
Listening to all of you rap is worse than labor, but I'm heating things up even more!
Good reference to her death.
I'm killing all these verses, and none of you will be able to create more!
I get the joke, it’s just that the threat doesn’t make too much sense to me in actual context. Saying everyone else won’t be able to create more verses isn’t really insulting or threatening.
You're all just products of my creation, so roll over Anubis, and everyone leave!
I really like this dog joke. It feels weird having her only directly insult Anubis and no one else though, so maybe this could’ve fit in somewhere earlier.
All of you are fishing for ammo, but we're the ones who are still being believed!
A bit fact statey.
Score: 8.5/10
Baron Samedi:
It's the baron, bringing class and life to this funeral!
Funny opener.
All you boneheads, listen up, as I make your bones shake and rattle!
Nice reference.
Anubis and Hades, why so serious? I prefered the two of you on Disney.
Probably could’ve been a better Disney joke.
And yikes, Izanami and Hel, who'd Voodoo either of you to make babies?
Joke is amusing, the rhyme doesn’t really sound right.
I've got friends on the other side, and even they're lighter than you.
Funny.
Yeesh, at least dress sharp, I'll have to Loa-n all of you a funeral suit.
Good pun, and adds to the personality.
I got more flow than Agwe, and trust me, you're all meeting only one face of Erzulie.
I’m fine with jokes that are subtle and won’t usually be understood on the first reading, but the Erzulie joke isn’t really subtle, it just feels like it’s trying to make you think.
Let me just snuff out all the candles, 'cause this about to get unruly...
Pretty good finisher.
Score: 9/10
Overall: This was a great battle. Lots of references and pretty good joke ideas. The only issue for me is the wording of some of the jokes. It gets a bit wordy at times. Aside from that, there’s a lot to like here. 8.5/10
Hades’ Worst Line: You were upstaged by Frankenstein, yet you think you can step to me?
Hades’ Best Line: I'm spitting hellfire, while you're fighting with Styx and stones.
Anubis’ Worst Line: You're irrelevant, roman all the place with your claims.
Anubis’ Best Line: Fall like the Trojans; you have as much chance to win as hell freezing over!
Hel’s Worst Line: Bringing Ragnarok on the mic; Lassie and Johnny got no cred!
Hel’s Best Line: Could it be because of Persephone blue-balling you every night?
Izanami’s Worst Line: All of you are fishing for ammo, but we're the ones who are still being believed!
Izanami’s Best Line: Listening to all of you rap is worse than labor, but I'm heating things up even more!
Baron Samedi’s Worst Line: Anubis and Hades, why so serious? I prefered the two of you on Disney.
Baron Samedi’s Best Line: Yeesh, at least dress sharp, I'll have to Loa-n all of you a funeral suit.
Final Results:
Hades: 8.5/10
Anubis: 9.5/10
Hel: 9/10
Izanami: 8.5/10
Baron Samedi: 9/10
Total Score: 53/60=44/50
Originally Posted by Bigkidrant3
Yep. It's bad. Now can you review
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