Presidential Reviews

[Samos]

Will you review the version of Big Sean's song Dance featuring Nicki Minaj

:^)

Spoiler: 

Ass [x22]
off to a good start
Stop... now make that motherfucker hammer time like…
This reference has nothing to do with anything. Is he saying to drop the ass like a hammer? Because he doesn’t make that clear enough if so.

Go stupid, go stupid, go stupid
How does one go about doing this

[Verse 1:]
Wobble-dy wobble-dy wa wobble wobble
OK, so this is a reference. That’s kind of it.
I'm sta-stacking my paper my wallet look like a bible
Funny image I suppose.
I got girlies half naked that shit look like the grotto
An Ancient Greece reference. Okay.
How your waist anorexic and then your ass is colossal, like whoop
Fact statey.
Drop that ass make it boomerang
Amusing, but I don’t think it’s supposed to be.
Take my belt off bitch I'm Pootie Tang
why reference this of all things
Tippy tow tippy tay you gonna get a tip today
OHOHOHOHOHHOHOHOHOH
Fuck that you gonna get some dick today
oh okay i guess that last line was too subtle
I walk in with my crew and I'm breaking they necks
This is maybe a little clever? I don’t know.
I'm looking all good I'm making her wet
They pay me respect they pay me in checks
man you’re so cool big sean
And if she look good she pay me in sex, do it
Bounce that ass it's the roundest
This is just so blatant and not even trying to be clever
You the best you deserve a crown bitch
Right on that,

[Hook:]
Ass [x22]
Is this clever? I’m not entirely sure. Probably not.

Stop... now make that motherfucker hammer time like...

Go stupid, go stupid, go stupid

Wobbledy wobble, wo-wo-wobble, wobbin'
Ass so fat, all these bitches' pussies is throbbin'
How does that make sense
Bad bitches, I'm your leader, phantom by the meter
Somebody point me to the best ass-eater
OK but why would you write those feelings into a song they’re not deep
Tell 'em "Pussy clean!" I tell 'em "Pussy squeaky!"
Those mean the same thing
Niggas give me brain 'cause all of them niggas geeky
what why are they geeeky
this is probably slang i don’t get that no one uses so why would you even
If he got a mandingo, then I buy him a dashiki
Dashikis have nothing to do with the song
And bust this pussy open in the islands of Waikikiiiiii…
Is this just a random place?
Kiss my ass and my anus, 'cause it's finally famous
And it's finally so, yeah, it's finally so!
ugh
I don't know, man, guess them ass shots wore off!
Bitches ain't poppin', Google my ass
No thank you I’ve already seen it
Only time you on the net is when you Google my ass
That’s not even a little bit true
Ya fuckin' little whores, fu-fuckin' up my decors
Couldn't get Michael Kors if you was fuckin' Michael Kors
This is really the best Michael Kors dis you could think of
B-B-Big Sean, b-boy, how big is you?
*are
Gimme all yo' money and gimme all yo' residuals
Then slap it on my ass, ass, ass…
It’s just NOT FUCKING CLEVER


[Hook:]
Ass [x22]
Stop... now make that motherfucker hammer time like...

Go stupid, go stupid, go stupid

Woah, white girls, black girls, tall girls, fat girls
Shake that ass shake that ass, shake that ass
Shake that ass, shake that ass, shake that ass
Go, go
I think you’ve made your point

Short girls, smart girls, skinny girls, all girls
Shake that ass shake that ass, shake that ass
Shake that ass, shake that ass, shake that ass

And I want all of that,

[Hook:]
Ass [x22]
Stop... now make that motherfucker hammer time like...

Go stupid, go stupid, go stupid

Go stupid!

Overall: This song is not art. It’s just noise. It’s noise for you to have on in the background of clubs and dance to. Which is fine I guess there's nothing immoral about that but that’s it. There is no cultural value to it whatsoever beyond that single use.

[Samos]

Here's the review of the first Suit of Space chapter, since I was requested to review each chapter individually. Next is Shark Tank vs. Payday Gang, then I'll keep going with Suit of Space chapter by chapter (unless I misunderstood what Ludwig wants in which case he can correct me)

Spoiler: 

-Opening goes a little quickly. Might've appreciated a little more character development of the two characters before they instantly start jumping into a conversation about black holes.
-Writing style is pretty engaging, didn't find myself wanting to skim over any of it. Which is surprising since some of this is a little technical and would probably be a little boring without the captivating writing style.
-The Nightmare Segment comes at just the perfect time. It comes just when you're starting to get a little suspicious of Liam in the back of your mind but not so suspicious that the nightmare segment isn't still really creepy and surprising.

[BobbyBobber]

You should review a song from Bolly... He's a huge inspiration... And he's totally not me...

http://genius.com/Bolly-all-i-can-ask-for-lyrics
https://soundcloud.com/isaiahbollyfe...-i-can-ask-for

http://genius.com/Bolly-verse-for-vanity-lyrics
https://soundcloud.com/isaiahbollyfe...-greg-williams

http://genius.com/Bolly-nowadays-lyrics
https://soundcloud.com/isaiahbollyferrara/01-nowadays

http://genius.com/Bolly-thats-enough...e-night-lyrics
https://soundcloud.com/isaiahbollyfe...-greg-williams

[Samos]

my Shark Tank vs. Payday Gang? http://www.erboh.com/forum/showthrea...l=1#post426085

Spoiler: 

The Payday Gang-Round 1:
Alright, gang, let's not blow this, we have to be stealthy.
Kind of a cool opening line in terms of personality.
We're Silent Killers; we can easily do this when we're quiet as Shinobi.
Shinobi is kind of a random reference.
We got a Criminal's Ambition, no chance of failing, we're Infamous!
Kind of obvious jokes to make about these references.
And if things go South, well, no hesitation to go Berserk on these execs.
With our razor sharp minds, we'll clear through here faster than a Carbon Blade.
Pretty good puns in these two lines.
I mean, fuck, this place is pretty much a Monument to Greed.
Cool in a storytelly way.
Shit, hold up, I think the one who left FUBU FUBAR is giving us the Evil Eye!
Not really an insult, but for a storytelling line it’s pretty clever.
And now baldy's getting some Nerves of Steel, does the brat of an inmate think he's a Tough Guy?
Sorta obvious jokes to make about these references.
I never did like Plan A. Like a Dozer, let's knock these pricks down!
Plan A reference is pretty clever.
With all your beatings, we'll bring a new meaning to "going loud!"
Could’ve been a more clever joke about this quote.
Score: 8/10

The Sharks-Round 1:
Nice try, but you'll need to show a bit more if you want to deal with us.
Clever.
With your wack lyricism, it's safe to say your presentation was a bust.
Kind of simple insult.
This isn't the Dragon's Den, but Lord knows you'll still be burned.
Could’ve been a more creative Dragon’s Den reference.
Your armor will be useless when we're finished Sniping you with words!
Could’ve been a more creative sniper reference.
Our rapping's as cold as Winters; we'll lyrically bankrupt you clowns!
Kind of obvious insults.
I've been taking notes, and your skills are nowhere to be found.
Decent reference.
We're the Bain of your existence, and you're still under our control.
First part of the line is obvious, second part makes it more clever.
We're generating a hurricane of disses; this time we're actually spitting gold!
Funny reference.
I see no perks in this deal; anyone who hires you must be suicidal.
Clever.
If you want to rap about cash, consider your cleaner costs, and then we'll see what you bring to the table!
Cool comparison line. Flow sounds really awkward in head though.
Score: 7.75/10

*The doors to the Shark Tank burst open, and a man and woman in suits step forward with guns in hand.*

The Payday Gang-Round 2:

Hoxton:
Didja miss me, ya wankers!? This time I've brought a Diamond of a friend!
Clover:
The Burglar with the flow to start a fire under these pricks' rear ends!
Easy jokes to make about these references.
Time to leave some dead presidents, though I dunno if Kev's ego will fit in my bag!
Cool reference mixing.
I need a Breath of Fresh Air, all the product from Rob is starting to make me gag.
Funny.
You think you're Daredevils? I've got the Luck of the Irish to be able to clown on you.
Not crazy about the wording here.
I'm known as a Sneaky Bastard, So develop stockholm syndrome and pay up, 'cause we want our Payday, tools!
Kind of obvious joke to make. Also very wordy.
Score: 7.5/10

*Two chairs start emerging from the ground, as they slowly turn around, it's revealed to be Mark Cuban and Lori Greiner*

The Sharks-Round 2
Mark Cuban:
Coming in hot, smoking these franchise players like a cigar.
Clever.
Lori:
With the Queen of QVC here to deliver them some bars!
Not much of a joke.
You're like your Metacritic and Steam scores; falling fast.
Nice and brutal.
And now you're catching goats in a hope to bring your relevancy back!
Also very brutal.
Your loss; come get it. Since the beginning you've had no chance in this bout!
First part of the line is alright, second part feels too fillery.
You're as pathetic as your community. If you're not going to put up a fight then we're out!
Could’ve been better jokes about these references.
Score: 8.5/10

Overall: I think the main problem with this battle is that the wording interferes with the impact of the line. There’s definitely no shortage of references here, and for that reason it’s still definitely well above average for FMERBs. Just remember that these battles are all about comedic timing, and if you have to think for too long to get the jokes (even if you have the references right there), then it just needs to be reworded. 8/10

Payday Gang’s Worst Line: Didja miss me, ya wankers!? This time I've brought a Diamond of a friend!
If this is the worst line on either side, that’s pretty dang impressive. I just didn’t think there was too much thought put into this line, but it’s definitely not a bad line at all.
Payday Gang’s Best Line: Time to leave some dead presidents, though I dunno if Kev's ego will fit in my bag!
I like how well this mixes the references.
Shark Tank’s Worst Line: With the Queen of QVC here to deliver them some bars!
Just a reference without much of a joke to go with it.
Shark Tank’s Best Line: And now you're catching goats in a hope to bring your relevancy back!
Just too real.

Final Results:
Payday Gang: 15.5/20
Shark Tank: 16.25/20

Total Score: 39.75/50

[BobbyBobber]

These are actually extremely entertaining...

[BKTurner47]

Review this!

Spoiler: 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1...9IYGpihyg/edit (it's mine!)

And sometime after that, review THIS:

Spoiler: 

BEAT: Black Hat by Kustom Beats

EEEEEPIC RAP BATTLES OF BIGKIDRANT3!!!! SIR MAX.... VS... WALT DISNEY!!!!! BEGIN!!!!

Walt Disney: Nice whiskers, dork! You look like you took one too many tranquilizers!
Monopolizing the business industry; own it all! I couldn’t be anymore wiser!
Started an empire from scratch, made millions off of others.
I’ll work ya ‘till your brain falls out! Work you down ‘till your muscles are butter!
You think you can stop me? Please! I turn hundreds into skeletons everyday!
So don’t try to call up the police on me, kid, I OWN the CIA!
Ruling with a suit made of iron, you’ve got a blue vest and a pie!
So take a look at my dark side, son, it’s clear that you won’t survive!

Sir Max: YOU’RE not the big dog here, THE TITLE BELONGS TO ME!
Work you until you die in starvation and STRINGS OF HOPELESS MISERY!
Started off small, but grew to be THE POWER OF THE WORLD!
Breaking this mysogenic mess, since he ACTS LIKE A GIRL!
I bossed around thousands, BUT YET I’M STILL PRAISED!
Make you feel Jesse Hell for the DAMAGE YOU’VE PAVED!
Shutting down MY game is the thing you’ll ALWAYS regret!
Call me your conditions in China, ’CUZ I’M SHOPPING YOU TO A SWEAT!

Walt Disney: Oh, you think YOU have the AUDACITY to Trump me?
You’ll meet the same fate as Iwerks, LEFT FOR DEAD ON THE STREET!
I make trillions off my investments while you’re stuck in a tenement!
So gather round, useless fool, FOR A TASTE OF YOUR OWN MEDICINE!

Evil Sir Max: I’LL DEVOUR YOUR CHANCES HERE LIKE I DID MILLIONS OF WORKERS!
You’re no less than my ignorant fans, Joe! Your ass will get kicked like JJKoletar!
You think you can stop me! DO YOUR WORST! I’ll just boil you alive!
SO DO WHAT YOU DO BEST AND SWEAT KIDS UNTIL THEY DIE!

Sir Max: Oh my god! Am I that evil? (Evil Sir Max: WHY YES YOU ARE!)
I’m honestly surprised a little steamboat could bring you that far!
So in order to beat the puppet and his master, we’re gonna get at his game.
Sweat down your whole shops, leaving this ragdoll to blame!
(fast) I’m making the world proud, taking you down!
Washing away your little company crown!
Beat you and your slaves like a whipped out master!
Every rhyme you spit, I spew out faster!
Put a cryogenic head inside a deep freezer.
Wouldn’t step on your property with cartoony tweezers!
You illegally put people to work, and what’s the result?
Your shit shows overflow the Disney Vault!

Walt Disney: Okay then! You want to bring my vault into the rap?
I’ll have your whole company destroyed snaps just like that!
So, CLEARLY, it’s time for you to go back to retirement!
You’re not worthy of my presence, scum, YOU KNOW NOTHING!

Walt then turns Max into gold again and plans on bringing someone else to his facility....

Announcer: WHO WON? WHOS NEXT? YOU DECIDE!

EPIC! fireworks RAP BATTLES OF BIGKIDRANT3!!

[Klonoa]

Here, have some more stuff to do! Could you review my new rap battle, Ho Chi Minh vs Suu Kyi? Thanks!

[Katz]

can you review this song by Katz?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ad8LQH9tU8

[GonadTheNomad]

Please review my redux version of me and Polar's HvJ REWf http://www.erboh.com/forum/showthrea...l=1#post400561

Since you apparently restarted list without me realizing.

[Poles]

Honestly mang this list is probably gonna be restarted again