Presidential Reviews

[BobbyBobber]

You should review a song from Bolly... He's a huge inspiration... And he's totally not me...

http://genius.com/Bolly-all-i-can-ask-for-lyrics
https://soundcloud.com/isaiahbollyfe...-i-can-ask-for

http://genius.com/Bolly-verse-for-vanity-lyrics
https://soundcloud.com/isaiahbollyfe...-greg-williams

http://genius.com/Bolly-nowadays-lyrics
https://soundcloud.com/isaiahbollyferrara/01-nowadays

http://genius.com/Bolly-thats-enough...e-night-lyrics
https://soundcloud.com/isaiahbollyfe...-greg-williams

I repeat this

[Turtlesauce]

Thanks for the review Sam, this really makes me want to re-write some bits of it

[Klonoa]

I'm thinking you might want a casual read. Could you review Moon, LAWL, and my REWF?

[Samos]

Here's my review of Polar vs. Log's REWF.

Spoiler: 

Log:
Round 1:
You’ll flop in this battle of the coolest MC
Still won’t show your face, you’re probably an old Creep
Pretty good references.
I see you're co-admin now, you're just like that Sam
Especially when you try to suck up to Dion man
As far as “Sam sucks” jokes go, this is one of the better ones I’ve heard. It’s at least a pun.
I'm Ace in a fight, hit the heart of the matter
Good parody of the original line.
So let’s see how pink was bestowed upon this disaster
Kinda filler.
Used forum drama to end a lifetime of green
Great parody of the original.
The most overrated co-ad anyone's ever seen
Generic insult.
You should demote that sense of pride after I’m done with you (bitchhhh)
Only thing stepping down now is your rhyming skills dude
Awesome puns.
You should be conceding, your chances are as real as my feelings
Funny.
Trust me, you can’t no sell these deals I’m sealing
Very good.

Verse Overview: One or two lackluster lines hold this back, otherwise a great verse. Probably a 9.25.

Round 2:
THAT PINK NAME ISN’T EDGY ENOUGH BITCH
Very generic insult.
MY RHYMES WILL CUT YOU DEEP LIKE A DUST MAN QUOTE BITCH
The line itself isn’t bad, but rhyming bitch with bitch is really lazy.
BEST THING YOU HAVE? KITTY CAT
Not an insult or a boast.
I don’t believe in bestiality wtf
Also not an insult or a boast.

Verse Overview: Huge step down from the last verse. Only one decent line, and that line is brought down by the lazy rhyme attempt. Maybe a 5 if I’m being generous, because the other lines really aren’t anything special.

Round 3:
(... bloop.) LOG IS LOG SO IDENTIFY MY LOG
No references.
ME THINKS POLES MIGHT WANT MY LOG
Not really an insult anyway.
I DON’T CARE THAT YOU’RE GAY BUT YOU’RE ALSO A BITCH
I DISS YOU FOR BEING A BITCH YOU BITCH
Generic insults. I guess it’s an OK parody of the original line, but that’s it.

Verse Overview: The only arguably good thing in this verse is the way it parodies the original verse. 1/10 probably.

Overall: 13.5/20


Polar:
Round 1:
I think your lines for TJB are a lot more satisfying
Honestly, your raps are a bit cringey when you're trying
Very clever how this parodies the original by foreshadowing the future.
I'll Jack this win almost 100 times
It’s a good line, not really crazy about lines that say “I’ll win a bunch of times” since the purpose of rap battles is to win the one you’re in not win a bunch of them but that’s really nitpicking..
I’m a rad co-ad, blow Sama high up like mines
Good references.
My target’s just monkeying around in the arctic
This line could be a little more referency. Neither of you are really well known on here for liking the Arctic Monkeys so the joke doesn’t really hit too hard. The fact that you’re both arctic animals still makes it a decent line though.
Crash into ya til you’re a carcass, I’m the Greatest, a Polartist (uh)
Carcass and Polartist are both pretty good puns.
Magic mofo getting guys bewitched
Good references.
I got some sick burns, you must be living in hell, bitchhhhhhh
The end of the line is a pretty forced rhyme. The rest of the line is good though.
You’re like a blue meanie, you just fuss and fight
If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have gotten the green light (oh!)
Nice, I especially like the subtle references to mod colors.
I don’t care for all of your raps I’ve seen
My memes could be matched by you only in a (nice dream)
Good ones.

Verse Overview: A few minor flaws maaaaaybe hold it back from a 10, but I’d definitely have to think about it more. Probably a 10 or at least 9.75.

Round 2:
That’s my Little cat mang stop dancing me bitch
References without jokes.
Here’s an ass whoopin since you want everything free bitch
This line doesn’t really make sense when you think about it. He wants free stuff, so you’re going to give him an asswhooping. I don’t follow the logic.
I mean I like Bernie too but that doesn’t mean you don’t suck
Not an insult.
You should change your name to LohuydaBUTT lol
Very obvious pun.

Verse Overview: I don’t like any of the lines, so I guess I’ll just give a point for every reference in this verse. There’s the cat, stop dancing me, Bernie, and Loh’s name, which is barely a reference so that gets a half point, so like a 3.5.

Round 3:
Look, I understand that you’re a little bitch
But you don’t need to be a little bitch
No references.
You a seal, you’re also a little bitch
Very generic insult.
You gotta be big enough and by big I mean 300lbs+ bitch
Not a terrible parody of the original, but the wording makes it seem as if he SHOULD be fat, not that he is fat.
Get hit with an RKO outta nowhere
Could’ve been a much better joke about this reference.
You’re green and lonely like There There
Not a bad reference.
Also the amount of people who think you look good in that purple
Is about as much as the amount of words that rhyme with purple
Kinda clever.
In the pictures of your face that you text
You look a little like AIDS Skrillex
Generic insult.
That’s probably not something you seen as a child
Because that video wasn’t made when you were a child
Not an insult.
Log not fab enough to deal with my pink
Generic boast.
Draining you out or whatever, that’s kitchen sink
Like the original line, this doesn’t need to be here.
Examine this under your old ass microscope
That you have in your house according to youuuope
Lazy attempt at a rhyme and barely a reference.
After battling me, you’ll still be emotionless
So dammit I guess this battle was kinda pointless
Not an insult, boast, or threat.

Verse Overview: One or two decent lines, the rest just seem very rushed. Probably a 4, but under my new scoring system this brings you down below Log, since Log has a higher percentage of good lines.

Overall: 13/20

Overall Battle: The first two verses were both top notch on both sides, and without them this battle would’ve gotten horrible scores. But the battle sorely drops in quality after that. I don’t know what happened, but try to work on that next time. 6.5/10

Log’s Worst Line: I don’t believe in bestiality wtf
I really just don’t see any point to this line pair.
Log’s Best Line: You should demote that sense of pride after I’m done with you (bitchhhh)
Personal and clever, never heard this pun used before. Honorable mentions are lifetime of green, stepping down, seal deals.
Polar’s Worst Line: But you don’t need to be a little bitch
One of the most generic lines I’ve ever heard in a battle.
Polar’s Best Line: Crash into ya til you’re a carcass, I’m the Greatest, a Polartist (uh)
Best use of references and puns. Honorable mentions are green light, and blowsama.

Winner: Log (13.5/20) over Polar (13/20)

Total Score: 33/50

[Poles]

Here's my review of Polar vs. Log's REWF.

Spoiler: 

Log:
Round 1:
You’ll flop in this battle of the coolest MC
Still won’t show your face, you’re probably an old Creep
Pretty good references.
I see you're co-admin now, you're just like that Sam
Especially when you try to suck up to Dion man
As far as “Sam sucks” jokes go, this is one of the better ones I’ve heard. It’s at least a pun.
I'm Ace in a fight, hit the heart of the matter
Good parody of the original line.
So let’s see how pink was bestowed upon this disaster
Kinda filler.
Used forum drama to end a lifetime of green
Great parody of the original.
The most overrated co-ad anyone's ever seen
Generic insult.
You should demote that sense of pride after I’m done with you (bitchhhh)
Only thing stepping down now is your rhyming skills dude
Awesome puns.
You should be conceding, your chances are as real as my feelings
Funny.
Trust me, you can’t no sell these deals I’m sealing
Very good.

Verse Overview: One or two lackluster lines hold this back, otherwise a great verse. Probably a 9.25.

Round 2:
THAT PINK NAME ISN’T EDGY ENOUGH BITCH
Very generic insult.
MY RHYMES WILL CUT YOU DEEP LIKE A DUST MAN QUOTE BITCH
The line itself isn’t bad, but rhyming bitch with bitch is really lazy.
BEST THING YOU HAVE? KITTY CAT
Not an insult or a boast.
I don’t believe in bestiality wtf
Also not an insult or a boast.

Verse Overview: Huge step down from the last verse. Only one decent line, and that line is brought down by the lazy rhyme attempt. Maybe a 5 if I’m being generous, because the other lines really aren’t anything special.

Round 3:
(... bloop.) LOG IS LOG SO IDENTIFY MY LOG
No references.
ME THINKS POLES MIGHT WANT MY LOG
Not really an insult anyway.
I DON’T CARE THAT YOU’RE GAY BUT YOU’RE ALSO A BITCH
I DISS YOU FOR BEING A BITCH YOU BITCH
Generic insults. I guess it’s an OK parody of the original line, but that’s it.

Verse Overview: The only arguably good thing in this verse is the way it parodies the original verse. 1/10 probably.

Overall: 13.5/20


Polar:
Round 1:
I think your lines for TJB are a lot more satisfying
Honestly, your raps are a bit cringey when you're trying
Very clever how this parodies the original by foreshadowing the future.
I'll Jack this win almost 100 times
It’s a good line, not really crazy about lines that say “I’ll win a bunch of times” since the purpose of rap battles is to win the one you’re in not win a bunch of them but that’s really nitpicking..
I’m a rad co-ad, blow Sama high up like mines
Good references.
My target’s just monkeying around in the arctic
This line could be a little more referency. Neither of you are really well known on here for liking the Arctic Monkeys so the joke doesn’t really hit too hard. The fact that you’re both arctic animals still makes it a decent line though.
Crash into ya til you’re a carcass, I’m the Greatest, a Polartist (uh)
Carcass and Polartist are both pretty good puns.
Magic mofo getting guys bewitched
Good references.
I got some sick burns, you must be living in hell, bitchhhhhhh
The end of the line is a pretty forced rhyme. The rest of the line is good though.
You’re like a blue meanie, you just fuss and fight
If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have gotten the green light (oh!)
Nice, I especially like the subtle references to mod colors.
I don’t care for all of your raps I’ve seen
My memes could be matched by you only in a (nice dream)
Good ones.

Verse Overview: A few minor flaws maaaaaybe hold it back from a 10, but I’d definitely have to think about it more. Probably a 10 or at least 9.75.

Round 2:
That’s my Little cat mang stop dancing me bitch
References without jokes.
Here’s an ass whoopin since you want everything free bitch
This line doesn’t really make sense when you think about it. He wants free stuff, so you’re going to give him an asswhooping. I don’t follow the logic.
I mean I like Bernie too but that doesn’t mean you don’t suck
Not an insult.
You should change your name to LohuydaBUTT lol
Very obvious pun.

Verse Overview: I don’t like any of the lines, so I guess I’ll just give a point for every reference in this verse. There’s the cat, stop dancing me, Bernie, and Loh’s name, which is barely a reference so that gets a half point, so like a 3.5.

Round 3:
Look, I understand that you’re a little bitch
But you don’t need to be a little bitch
No references.
You a seal, you’re also a little bitch
Very generic insult.
You gotta be big enough and by big I mean 300lbs+ bitch
Not a terrible parody of the original, but the wording makes it seem as if he SHOULD be fat, not that he is fat.
Get hit with an RKO outta nowhere
Could’ve been a much better joke about this reference.
You’re green and lonely like There There
Not a bad reference.
Also the amount of people who think you look good in that purple
Is about as much as the amount of words that rhyme with purple
Kinda clever.
In the pictures of your face that you text
You look a little like AIDS Skrillex
Generic insult.
That’s probably not something you seen as a child
Because that video wasn’t made when you were a child
Not an insult.
Log not fab enough to deal with my pink
Generic boast.
Draining you out or whatever, that’s kitchen sink
Like the original line, this doesn’t need to be here.
Examine this under your old ass microscope
That you have in your house according to youuuope
Lazy attempt at a rhyme and barely a reference.
After battling me, you’ll still be emotionless
So dammit I guess this battle was kinda pointless
Not an insult, boast, or threat.

Verse Overview: One or two decent lines, the rest just seem very rushed. Probably a 4, but under my new scoring system this brings you down below Log, since Log has a higher percentage of good lines.

Overall: 13/20

Overall Battle: The first two verses were both top notch on both sides, and without them this battle would’ve gotten horrible scores. But the battle sorely drops in quality after that. I don’t know what happened, but try to work on that next time. 6.5/10

Log’s Worst Line: I don’t believe in bestiality wtf
I really just don’t see any point to this line pair.
Log’s Best Line: You should demote that sense of pride after I’m done with you (bitchhhh)
Personal and clever, never heard this pun used before. Honorable mentions are lifetime of green, stepping down, seal deals.
Polar’s Worst Line: But you don’t need to be a little bitch
One of the most generic lines I’ve ever heard in a battle.
Polar’s Best Line: Crash into ya til you’re a carcass, I’m the Greatest, a Polartist (uh)
Best use of references and puns. Honorable mentions are green light, and blowsama.

Winner: Log (13.5/20) over Polar (13/20)

Total Score: 33/50

You just can't handle my memes mang

[Samos]

Here's the second part of the Terrifying Threequel review.

Spoiler: 

Luke Ross
Round 1:
You thought the pain wouldn’t continue, but I had to persist!
I think this is a Pain in the Window reference. Not terrible, could maybe go deeper with this reference.
Here comes the rich freckled boy from Hell sending you your Death Wish!
Don’t think this is a direct reference to anything.
I’m a shining star! Been at Christmas since you began!
The wording of this line just doesn’t make much sense.
You’re just a baggage holder boy, no more than Bertram!
”Baggage holder boy” isn’t really a clever insult.
I’m part of the Ross dynasty! A family that’s feared!
Generic boast.
You’re not God here! You’re just a queer! One sec, I’ll make you disappear!
Generic.
You claim you hate everything geeky, but take a look at yourself!
I mean, putting FORD PINES against SIR MAX? Ugh! Put it back on the shelf!
Too fact statey, could’ve been a much better joke about this reference.

Verse Overview: Only one line that’s decent, as far as I can see. 5/10 probably.

Round 2
Oh, I’m the subject of ridicule? Take a look at your past!
Henry Stickmin vs Kade? Can you be less of a dumbass?
That suggestion has no merit! It’s the worst thing that I could think!
Generic insults in these first few lines.
I’ll slice you like a pizza, and do a dance to Hotline Bling!
I don’t really know what pizza or Hotline Bling have to do with either Luke Ross or you.
Did I hurt you? Here, dab on the area affected!
Oh, wait! I forgot! You’re not popular, you jackass!
Don’t know what either of these are references for.
You’re an antisocial loser whose friends don’t even like you back!
The highest you’ll ever make it on the social ladder is with the Tumblrfags!
Generic insults

Verse Overview: I don’t think there are any really good jokes about any of these references. Probably around a 3-5.

Overall: 9/20

Springtrap:
Round 1:
Welcome to Freddy Fazbear’s! Home of furries, weebs and losers!
Not to mention all the tons and tons of obsessed Tumblr users!
This is feeling self-dissy.
Popularized by YoMama! Got all them five nights of CANCER!
I really don’t get this line.
When I come for you, you better stay close to the security camera!
Reference without a joke.
You claim that the FNAF community is a cringe-worthy sight?
*FUCK THAT!* It’s the most terrifying shit you’ll ever see in your life!
Pretty generic lines.
Got my Foxy rhymes to make this Big kid run and cry!
OK puns but they could’ve been much more clever with these.
*SCRATCH THAT, I’LL JUMPSCARE YOU SO YOU CAN FINALLY DIE!*
Also could’ve been a better jumpscare joke.

Verse Overview: No individual line I really like here. 5.25/10.

Round 2:
Oh, it seems you still remember my mythology.
Seems like it’s setting up for something, but doesn’t really. This line doesn’t need to exist.
Powerhouse of all evil, and I’ll break down the terminology.
”Powerhouse” is a decent pun.
Your laptop always breaks? Try matching up with my technology!
OK comparison line.
You say you hate my game, but from my point, you’re just full of hypocrisy!
Generic insult.
You even put Freddy and Foxy in your battles! That’s seems like a fan!
I want to believe this is a reference to the desk fan in the FNAF games, but I think that’s probably a stretch, in which case this line is only OK.
If anything, you’re cancerous with your love for Grunkle Ford and Stan!
Decent retort but could’ve been more clever with this reference.
Your series has been a failure ever since you stepped away from me!
Generic insult.
So ready or not, *HERE COMES SPRINGTRAP AND FREDDY!*
Could’ve gotten more clever with this reference.

Verse Overview: A step up, a few lines I like decently. 6.75 probably.

Overall: 12/20

Barry the Bully:
Round 1:
Oh, look! It’s the dork they call BKR3!
I’ll beat his ass for good, and I mean LITERALLY!
I’m at the top of the food chain, and you’re just a nerd!
All my hoes are one-hundred, and you’re stuck with the turd!
You don’t have any fans! People only follow you of sympathy!
But when I step onto the mic, the viewers come almost instantly!
I don’t really see any specific references in any of these lines.
I’m the king of the chessboard, and you’re just a little pawn!
After I noscope your ass, you won’t get a chance to respawn!
See, I get that these are references, but I don’t really know what either of them has to do with either of you.

Verse Overview: Feels very rushed. 2-4.

Round 2:
Say that one more time, Mr. Big Hypocrite.
Not super clever but kinda funny.
You guilt people into doing what you want every second!
You indulge yourself in raps, but no work of your own!
Statements, not jokes.
You just scream at countless people for “questioning your throne”!
Funny, but also not super clever.
I earned my way to the top, you just got promoted,
by the posthumous Pokemon who doesn’t even exist!
I think I get this reference enough to enjoy it.
You went drunk with power, and you think you’ve gone so far,
but you wouldn’t be _shit_ without your friend BRVR!
I don’t know who BRVR is but this seems pretty fact statey and not jokey enough.

Verse Overview: Also a definitely step up, 2 lines that I found amusing. 6.25/10

Overall: 8.25/20

Overall Battle: I feel like this battle is mostly made for your own fun, and if you had fun writing it then keep doing exactly what you’re doing, but I feel like your battles are kind of hard for other people to really appreciate. There’s some filler and not a lot of really strong jokes. My strategy for writing battles is generally that I try to make each and every individual line the kind of line someone can look at individually and be like “hey, that line was a really good one”, whereas this battle doesn’t really attempt too many real zingers. Don't be afraid to chisel a single line several times. I think you are putting a lot of work into your battles, but not really in the right places. Remember: quality of lines over quantity of lines. 6/10

Modern Family’s Worst Line: You’re barely at the top, and you haven’t made a bit of change!
Modern Family’s Best Line: I’m a pro at gaining lots of fans, you’re just a Pro on Wii Sports!
Bigkidrant3’s Worst Line: Alright, I admit it! I had some troubles in my past!
Bigkidrant3’s Best Line: But in a twist of fate, it seems that I will _bury the bully_!
Luke Ross’ Worst Line: Oh, wait! I forgot! You’re not popular, you jackass!
Luke Ross’ Best Line: You thought the pain wouldn’t continue, but I had to persist!
Springtrap’s Worst Line: Welcome to Freddy Fazbear’s! Home of furries, weebs and losers!
Springtrap’s Best Line: You even put Freddy and Foxy in your battles! That’s seems like a fan!
Barry the Bully’s Worst Line: All my hoes are one-hundred, and you’re stuck with the turd!
Barry the Bully’s Best Line: Say that one more time, Mr. Big Hypocrite.

Winner: Modern Family (15.25/20) over BKR (12.75/20), Springtrap (12/20), Luke Ross (9/20), and Barry the Bully (8.25/10)

Total Scoe: 63.25/110

[Samos]

Sorry for delay, I've been musicalling. Here's my review of the beloved new ERB

BANNER VS JENNER

Spoiler: 

Beat:
Relevance-I LOVE the sound effects for when Bruce is getting angry. The poppy feel fits Jenner pretty well, and there are even some big booming instruments to fit Hulk. Somehow this beat manages to fit all of these characters really well. 2.5/2.5
Catchiness-There’s not really any tune until the end. It’s just a bunch of sounds, not really a fan. The end helps this problem a lot though. 1.75/2.5
Intensity-The whole beat doesn’t need to be intense, just enough to get you excited, and there are some exciting parts of this beat. Namely the Banner and Hulk parts. 2.5/2.5
Overall: No huge glaring flaws in this beat, but the fact that so much of it has virtually no tune brings it down a notch. Still love the fittingness and intense parts. 8.75/10

Costumes:
Bruce Banner and The Hulk-Yeah, Lloyd does look a little like Mark Ruffalo, maybe the lips are a little off. And WOW did they get a perfect guy for The Hulk. I was worried about some crappy CGI Hulk, but they got pretty much one of the most muscular guys I’ve ever seen and it looks perfect. 2.25/2.5

Bruce Jenner and Caitlyn Jenner-Peter’s head shape is...a little off? At parts? I can’t take off many points for that, he looks enough like Bruce Jenner. And Caitlyn Jenner’s lips could be bigger I suppose, but otherwise she looks pretty accurate. 2.25/5

Impressions:
Bruce Banner and The Hulk-Ruffalo is usually really quiet and doesn’t have too distinctive a voice. He does have a bit of a NY accent though that Lloyd didn’t really pick up in this. Which is weird, because his normal rapping voice for his own raps probably would’ve fit pretty well instead of this professor-y voice he went with. Oh and Hulk sounds perfectly Hulky. I like the effects they put on his voice. 2.25/2.5

Bruce Jenner and Caitlyn Jenner-Now this one is hard to judge. Caitlyn Jenner DID have a different voice in her youth, but Peter’s sounds like he’s using the voice that she has NOW. And then NoShame isn’t even attempting any voice, so I guess I can’t really give high marks to either of these. Although NoShame does sound pretty cool, and she doesn’t really sound NOT like Caitlyn Jenner. So eehhhhh 1.75/2.5

Bruce Banner and The Hulk:
Round 1:
I'll school you in this battle of the baddest Bruce,
Boring opener.
With your He-Man haircut and your Daisy Dukes.
Not super clever, but kinda funny.
I hear you're good at running; you're just like the Flash,
I’m not really big on this set up line. Maybe if The Flash and Hulk were from the same universe it’d be more effective, but here it just seems like a random reference.
Especially in the 100 meter ditch-your-wife dash!
Great
I'm an ace in the lab, acid, base, and treble,
Clever boast.
So let me break you down on a molecular level:
Great set up line.
You turned one gold medal to a lifetime of green!
Not bad, kinda clever.
The most overrated athlete anyone's ever seen!
whyyyyyy does this line need to be here
You need to carry fatherhood across that finish line!
(Argh!) Kept up with the Kardashians, but left some kids behind!
These lines are both awesome. Some of the best in the battle if not the best.
Now, run along; you'll thank me 'cause I'm getting kinda cranky,
Heh run along isn’t bad
And trust me, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry!
I wish they had gotten more clever with this reference.

Verse Overview: It’s like a 9, I might bring it down a few notches for some really lame filler but I usually don’t like to take away points for stuff like that.

Round 2:
(Urrrgh!) That painted face don't give you class!
I don’t think this is a reference to anything.
Just one more thing Bruce do for cash!
Not exactly clever, but pretty brutal and effective for me.
Best thing you make: Kylie ass!
Feels a little TJB-y, but that’s not necessarily a bad things
She eighteen? Hulk SMASH!
lololololololol

Verse Overview: I’d probably also give this a 9ish. It’s funny and pretty brutal.

Round 3:
(Argh!) Hulk is Hulk; no identify as man!
Me thinks Cait might understand!
This little bit about Hulk not identifying as a man is kinda clever, but the way it’s done it doesn’t feel like a boast or a dis, so it just feels pointless.
No gender issue; this Jenner issue!
Decent wordiness.
Just you being you is enough to diss you!
This feels like it would be a great set up line for Hulk to dis MORE, but then his verse is finished.

Verse Overview: Hmmmmmm I don’t know what score I’d give it. Maybe a 7.5? 8? Either way there’s nothing incredible in this verse.

Overall: 17.75/20

Caitlyn Jenner:
I think you're in your element when you're behaving badly.
Great set up.
Honestly, you're kinda boron when you're happy.
I like it, I think it’s also subtly insulting how audiences usually don’t care about Banner’s struggles, they just want to see Hulk kick ass.
I'll lap and pass your ass ten different ways!
Pretty good boast.
Decathlon athlete, blast through you like some gamma rays!
Decent. Could’ve been a better gamma rays line maybe.
The truth is, there's no truce between the Bruces!
Always a bad sign when it’s not highlighted on genius.com
You're a drifter being useless; I'm a winner, no excuses!
Generic dis and boast.
(Uh!) Beautiful women all up on my jock!
Pretty good as far as “I get lots of grils” lines go.
I got a home gym; check me on the cereal box, doc!
These references feel soooooo wasted. You could’ve done something much funnier with the home gym line or the Wheaties line.
You big green freak, don't try to flex!
Basic.
If it wasn't for your cousin, you'd never have sex!
Kinda clever, I like how it makes it sound like he screwed his cousin.
(Oh!) You're so strong when you get mad!
Too bad you can't go back and protect your mom from your dad!
oooooh

Verse Overview: Pretty on par with Banner’s first verse. Probably a 9ish.

Round 2:
That's my teenage daughter, man; I have to forbid this!
Unnecessary.
I'll put a javelin through your jolly green discus!
I really like this line.
Kylie not the type of girl I'mma let you smash on!
we get it you don’t want the hulk to fuck your daughter
(Hmm.) You'll get the medal without the decathlon!
Clever threat.

Verse Overview: 2 lines I really like, I guess that makes this like a 9.

Round 3:
Look, I understand that you hate yourself, (Huh?)
But you don't need to blame yourself!
You're a tiger; stop trying to tame yourself!
You gotta be big enough to contain yourself,
There aren’t any real references in this, but I do think the concept of Caitlyn trying to get the Hulk to accept himself kinda funny and kinda clever. Still, doesn’t really need four whole lines, and could use more references.
And get hit with a little forgiveness!
Funny but really could use some sort of reference.
Be green; it ain't none of my business,
This is really clever.
But if you think you looking good in those torn-ass clothes,
You're lying, which means you need a new wardrobe!
Nice.
(Aw!) The vision of those shorts kinda scarred me.
I want to believe this is a Vision reference but it’s probably not
What'd you just rage at, a Barney-themed party?
Funny, but definitely not the most clever line in the battle.
That's probably not something you seen as a child!
Kinda clever.
Not one day did you see your daddy smile!
Fact statey.
"Hulk not strong enough to deal with denial!"
This is funny.
Laying you down, easy; that's kitchen tile! (Ugh!)
OK, so NoShame specializes in FREESTYLE. Which is really fun to watch and is probably a much more rare talent than normal lyric-writing, but it doesn’t really fit with ERB’s normal writing style. Members of the ERB team say that they sometimes have to rewrite a line over 50 times just for proper wording. When you’re used to freestyle like NoShame is, you’re probably not going to have that mentality when writing a verse, and that’s why lines like these feel out of place and awkward.
Examine this under your microscope:
that said this is a great set up line
You got no neck, but you still fucking choked!
and this is awesome
After battling me, you're gonna always be pissed,
So the Hulk will stay forever; neither Bruce will exist!
I like this line in a “fuck yeah LGBT” kinda way, and I think it’s good for finishing the battle.

Verse Overview: Despite my little rant, this is still a pretty strong verse. I’d probably give it like an 8.75.

Overall: 17.5/20

Ungraded Stuff:
Idea-I like it a lot, to be honest. Jekyll vs. Banner would’ve been great, don’t get me wrong, but this match-up is also really clever. I remember actually seeing this in the comments a long time ago and laughing at it, but never thinking it would ever actually happen.
Presentation-I love the transformations. Hulk’s is done really well and professionally, while Jenner’s is just utterly hilarious, one of the funniest moments of the season so far for me. The boulder effect is a little cheesy, but overall this battle doesn’t disappoint visually at all, and it definitely had the potential to.

Overall Battle: It has some serious flaws, namely that they missed some real joke opportunities for Jenner, there’s a LOT of filler, and they really didn’t need to give Caitlyn THAT many more lines. But I think it’s lyrically pretty good overall, like a solid B+. There’s a lot of really funny lines in this and some brutal disses. Not going on my favorites list, but a strong and fun battle, better than Tolkien vs. Martin and Jefferson vs. Douglass for me. 8.75/10

Bruce Banner/The Hulk’s Worst Line: I’ll school you in this battle of the baddest Bruce
I think the audience gets this part of the match-up already really didn’t need an explanation
Bruce Banner/The Hulk’s Best Line: Especially in the hundred meter ditch your wife dash
This one’s the most personally insulting for me. Honorable mentions are fatherhood finish line, Keeping up with the Kardashians, and Hulk Smash I guess (though it’s not as clever as the others)
Caitlyn Jenner’s Worst Line: Laying you down easy, that’s kitchen tile!
This could literally be used by anyone in any battle ever and it could not make less sense. There are even some characters probably where it would be a decent line.
Caitlyn Jenner’s Best Line: You got no neck, but you still fucking choked!
This line is funny, clever, and insulting. Honorable mentions are Boron, cousin sex, jolly green discus, metal decathlon, none of my business, and lion witch wardrobe.

Winner: Bruce Banner and The Hulk (17.75/20) over Caitlyn Jenner (17.5/20)
They actually both got a 17.75/20 when I first calculated my scores but Banner's was slightly higher and so I bumped Cait down .25

Total Score: 61.25/70

[Diogee]

Best thing you make: Kylie ass!
Feels a little TJB-y, but that’s not necessarily a bad things

???

The Jungle Book?

[Samos]

???

The Jungle Book?

oh lol Terrible Joke Battles of Meh is a series on here of a bunch of battles we make bad on purpose

[BKTurner47]

Next, can you review THIS:

Spoiler: 

BEAT: The Cost of Success by Allrounda Beats

EEEEEPIC RAP BATTLES OF BIGKIDRANT3!!!! GRUNKLE STAN AND SOOS..... VERSUS.... STALIN AND TROTSKY!!!! BEGIN!!

Grunkle Stan: Welcome to the Mystery Shack, gentlemen! What may I interest you in?
May I rotate your Axis around, contrast to your little revolution?
You overthrew the Czar, but can’t drop sick bars.
You may help the U.S, but this time, it’s an Allied war!
Soos: Hey, doods! It’s Soos! Call me the handyman.
You grew to be like the Czar, so why don’t you understand?
You killed 20,000 Russians, and still fought against Hitler?
I won’t Lenin anyone who tries to throw his bro out of the picture!

Joseph Stalin: One remark like that, and I’ll burn down your whole shack.
My self-named government will hammer you, and sickle your ass!
I’ll go Holodomor on your ass if you try to mess with me!
I’m also a professional gambler, Stan, so comrade, come at me!
Leon Trotsky: Now, are we going to let a man with ears bigger than his face,
try to mess up this rap? Now, that’s a Disneyfied mistake!
I’ll leave you in glass shards! Just ask Hitler! We ripped him!
Stalin & Trotsky: Don’t mess with the Communists or you’ll be our next Bolshevik-tim!

Grunkle Stan: Bicker with us? We’ll leave you more beat than King Nicholas!
Soos: Throwing gun-swords at the speed of light that’ll leave you doods trickling!
Grunkle Stan: Don’t run off and get Molotov to scare us off.
You’re like your Five-Year Plan; you seem to never pay off!
Soos: Bringing a Red Scare to us? We’ll bring you down in a heap.
We won’t be taught jackshit from the Crappy Comrade Commie Party!
We’ll collect all your rhymes,
Grunkle Stan: Like you did with the peasants in barns.
Grunke Stan & Soos: You’re not meant to be rulers! You two belong on an Animal Farm!

Joseph Stalin: GAH! You’re a Rip-Off, like your little band-aids!
Between you and your bro, Cave Johnson, you’re all just the same!
Leon Trotsky: They don’t pay attention to warnings?
Joseph Stalin: Ah, shut it, you old log! Russian agents come to kill Leon Trotsky in the background
Go back to Colombia and rot, I’ll just put the spic in the Gulag!
I’m the MC of the KGB! Better than you two will ever be!
Just like your fate, this rap battle will be nothing but a forgotten memory!
Now, let’s zoom in on the man-child whose role model is a brother-fraud!
Your chances of victory are like your dad, they’re both long gone!

Announcer: WHO WON? WHOS NEXT? YOU DECIDE!

EPIC! (JOAJE) RAP BATTLES OF BIGKIDRANT3!!!!

REFERENCE GUIDE:

Spoiler: 

Grunkle Stan: Welcome to the Mystery Shack, gentlemen! What may I interest you in?
Whenever new visitors come to the Shack, Stan usually says this
May I rotate your Axis around, contrast to your little revolution?
Rotate is a word you would associate with Axis, and the Axis Powers were a team in World War II
You overthrew the Czar, but can’t drop sick bars.
Fact-stating, no real joke
So don’t call up for U.S! Tonight, this is Cold War!
The Soviet Union and The US were part of the Allied Forces in WWII, but they later grew to be harsh enemies
Soos: Hey, doods! It’s Soos! Call me the handyman.
Just an introduction to himself
You grew to be like the Czar, so why don’t you understand?
The Czar was a very mean and harsh ruler, and the Communists overthrew him, but quickly grew to be like him
You killed 20,000 plus Russians, and still fought against Hitler?
Stalin is a notoriously evil dictator. So was Hitler. It’s basically saying “If you’re so evil, why weren’t you with Hitler?”
I won’t Lenin anyone who tries to throw his bro out of the picture!
Pun of “let in” and Lenin, and Stalin “threw Trotsky out of the picture”

Joseph Stalin: One remark like that, and I’ll burn down your whole shack.
Basically just a simple threat
My self-named government will hammer you, and sickle your ass!
Under Stalin's reign, he had a STALINIST government, and the Communist logo is a hammer and sickle
In Soviet Russia, cheapskates find themselves shot!
Pun on the “In Soviet Russia” jokes, and Stan is a bad cheapskate, and notoriously cheap
I'm on a verbal Holodomor, while you're stuck in the parking lot!
Stalin is also infamous for Holodomor, which is when he starved his citizens. Pretty scary stuff if you ask me.
Leon Trotsky: Now, are we going to let a man with ears bigger than his face,
In the early designs of Stan, he had VERY big ears, but they shrunk down over time
try to mess up this rap? Now, that’s a Disneyfied mistake!
Gravity Falls was made by Alex Hirsch, and it is a Disney Channel TV Show
I’ll leave you in glass shards! Just ask Hitler! We ripped him!
Stan’s hometown is Glass Shard Beach, New Jersey
Stalin & Trotsky: Don’t mess with the Communists or you’ll be our next Bolshevik-tim!
During the Russian Revolution, the Communists were nicknamed "Bolsheviks", and it's also a pun (Yes, I know ERB already used it in a demo)

Grunkle Stan: Bicker with us? We’ll leave you more beat than King Nicholas!
When Nicholas was overthrown, he was beaten, and put into jail, where he eventually went riperoni in pepperoni
Soos: Throwing gun-swords at the speed of light that’ll leave you doods trickling!
SPOILER: In “Take Back the Falls”, Soos tells the resistance against Bill that if they wanted to defeat him, they needed gunswords (He saw it in an anime once)
Grunkle Stan: Don’t run off and get Molotov to scare us off.
Vyacheslav Molotov was the Soviet Union’s propagandist during the times of WWII, and his propaganda was VERY effective
You’re like your Five-Year Plan; you seem to never pay off!
Stalin famously said that he wanted to industrialize Russia with a “five-year plan”, but he never did, and he kept delaying it, until eventually it was cancelled
Soos: Bringing a Red Scare to us? We’ll bring you down in a heap.
During the times of the Cold War, the US was VERY paranoid of the Russians, or, a “Red Scare”, and there were lots of anti-Sovet Union propaganda in the states
We won’t be taught jackshit from the Crappy Comrade Commie Party!
Another name for the Communists is the CCCP, so it’s a bit of wordplay
We’ll collect all your rhymes,
Grunkle Stan: Like you did with the peasants in barns.
The Soviet Army collected the crops of the farmers.
Grunke Stan & Soos: You’re not meant to be rulers! You two belong on an Animal Farm!
George Orwell’s “Animal Farm” is a political satire on the Soviet Revolution, and it shows the dangers of communism

Joseph Stalin: GAH! You’re a Rip-Off, like your little band-aids!
SPOILER: After being kicked out of his house for breaking his brothers science experiment, Stan began to sell cheap knock-off products, like Rip-Off bandaids (which gave you terrible rashes)
Between you and your bro, Cave Johnson, you’re all just the same!
SPOILER: Stan and his twin brother Ford (played by JK Simmons) look very alike, and it comes in handy during the series finale “Take Back the Falls”, where they do a twin swap
Leon Trotsky: They don’t pay attention to warnings?
SPOILER: When Stan tried to save his twin brother through the portal, his journal SPECIFICALLY said to not overuse it. But he did, and basically put the whole world in danger as the portal causes "minor gravity anomalies"
Joseph Stalin: Ah, shut it, you old log! Russian agents come to kill Leon Trotsky in the background
Basically just a storytelling part, no real references
Go back to Colombia and rot, I’ll just put the spic in the Gulag!
Stan was once in a Columbian prison, and Soos is Mexican, and a derogatory term for Mexican is "spic", and the Russian term for jail is the Gulag
I’m the MC of the KGB! Better than you two will ever be!
He’s basically doing some bragging
Just like your fate, this rap battle will be nothing but a forgotten memory!
SPOILER: When Stan defeats Bill Cipher in the mindscape, it comes at the cost of his entire memory, so he doesn’t remember who anyone is, or who he is. Luckily, his memory gets boosted back through Mabel's scrapbook
Now, let’s zoom in on the man-child whose role model is a brother-fraud!
SPOILER: Grunkle Stan(LEY) took his brothers identity and started the Mystery Shack, and is Soos' role model, which is ironic because Stan is a criminal, and wouldn't come close to being considered a hero to someone, and Soos is a manchild, and he loves video games, and is very immature
Your chances of victory are like your dad, they’re both long gone!
Soos’ father left him at a very young age, and it still haunts Soos to this day.