Presidential Reviews

[Poles]

Also you forgot enjoy the saddle which was my favorite storytelling line probably :C

[Samos]

Also you forgot enjoy the saddle which was my favorite storytelling line probably :C

Oh yeah that was a great one

[Samos]

Here's Suit of Space Chapter 6.

Spoiler: 

-The exposition at the beginning is pretty chill and interesting.
-It kind of moves really quickly from exposition and calmly meeting new characters to a kinda scary and dramatic scene with the suit overheating. A little too quick for me.
-I'd like to hear a little more inner monologue from Amy in this chapter, just because I want to hear more about what she's thinking and her reasons for reacting the way she does to certain things. I'm starting to lose her personality a bit.
-Creepiest nightmare sequence in a while. I like it.

[Samos]

Here's my review of FoolMeNever's Junji Ito vs. HP Lovecraft.

Spoiler: 

H.P Lovecraft:
Round 1:
Have you heard the call? Welcome to my Hunger Mountain of Madness!
References without jokes.
Tell me, am I the Rhode Island Horror when I'm whipping your ass?
Not super clever.
You're a fish out of water, Ito, but even uglier than a Deep One.
Pretty good use of this references.
How can you be considered a master, when I'm being worshipped like Dagon?
OK.
My rhymes flow deep like an ocean, and they unnerve even further.
Not a very deep reference.
You're an elder thing; minus the substantial power.
Funny, I like it.
I'm a gentleman! You're just a dog who cannot be Silent.
Pretty cool reference, maybe could’ve done something a little better with the reference but still a good line.
Of course, that's not entirely true, considering Konami's treatment.
Sick.

Verse Overview: Not many great lines but a lot of decent ones. 8.75ish.

Round 2:
Call yourself Tomie all you like, you won't be coming back after getting burned this bad.
This is awesome.
I don't hate you, Ito, but you're so far below me it must make you mad.
Kind of an oddly specific and kinda confusing reference.
You're Uzumaki-ing out of control, perhaps Mr. Del Toro would be better off with me?
Love this “pun”.
Of course I inspired you, hah, your insanity is clear as can be.
I’ve heard a lot of “I inspired you” or “I was inspired by you” lines, but this one’s pretty good. So even though it’s not really a reference to anything specific, it’s still a decent line for me.

Verse Overview: Kinda hit and miss, but that’s good for a verse of this size. 8.75 or 9.

Overall: 17.75/20

Junji Ito:
Let me illustrate the ways your Whispers in the Dark don't harm me.
Decent.
And even after that, I'll keep coming. Just call me Tomie!
Kind of an obvious joke to make about this reference.
You're an Enigma to a Fault; a small mama's boy who looks like a corpse!
First half of the line is good, second half is generic.
And one would hope the smell you're emitting isn't a virus.
Funny.
The true night terror you're experiencing must be how your work's been butchered.
Nice, good insult.
Pen and paper, video games, all adapted for nerds!
Kinda generic insult.
You've inspired insanity, but most would agree you're not reich in the mind.
I’ve heard this joke done before, but it works better when Hitler isn’t one of the main characters in the battle. Less obvious that way.
Maybe become even more similar to the man you like, and pop some cyanide!
The wording on this is too awkward to pack a comedic punch. Feels forced.

Verse Overview: A little weaker than Lovecraft’s first due to more subpar lines, but there are still several good ones. 8.75 for.

Round 2:
You're twisting yourself so much to diss me you might as well be rapping DRR-DRR-DRR!
I like this reference.
Flow sweet like honey, and with one listen you'll be splattered.
Could’ve maybe been a better Splatter Film joke but this one works fine.
Nobody loves your craft, hell, I would say defeat was made for you.
I like these jokes.
It's black and white, Howard, you can't comprehend my raps like my name was Cthulhu!
Ending with a Cthulu reference is cool.

Verse Overview: Every line is decent, they aren’t really standout or memorable for the most part but it’s still a solid 9.5.

Overall: 18/20

Overall Battle: It’s a very good battle with lots of good references. My only real issue is that while there are a lot of references, and most of them are used in a joking manner, I feel like some of the jokes about the references could be deeper and funnier. The battle’s a little lacking in the WOW or the OOH SNAP factor, if that makes sense, most of the jokes are probably some of the easier jokes you could make about these references. Still, you’ve clearly got the formula for a good battle nailed down. 8.75/10

HP Lovecraft’s Worst Line: Have you heard the call? Welcome to my Hunger Mountain of Madness!
It’s really not a bad opener, but it’s the only line that doesn’t seem like it’s really trying to do anything that clever.
HP Lovecraft’s Best Line: Call yourself Tomie all you like, you won't be coming back after getting burned this bad.
One of the best “burn” puns I’ve heard in a long time. Honorable mentions are elder thing and Konami’s treatment.
Junji Ito’s Worst Line: Pen and paper, video games, all adapted for nerds!
Maybe I’m missing something in this line, but it just feels very blunt and lacking in real thought.
Junji Ito’s Best Line: The true night terror you're experiencing must be how your work's been butchered.
The best use of references from Ito. Honorable mentions are Loves Craft and smell emitting.

Total Score: 44.5/50

[GonadTheNomad]

Review Qin Shi Huang or whatever vs Roanld Reagan

[Juiz]

Review this pls ty

http://www.erboh.com/forum/showthrea...l=1#post441819

[Samos]

Here's my review of the next Suit of Space chapter.

Spoiler: 

-The opening paragraph is great. Feels very dramatic and strong, especially considering it looks like you hyped this one up a bit in your thread.
-I like the added character description with Ophorum, but another part of me wants you to do more "showing" than "telling". What I mean by that is, instead of having Amy say "Ophorum was the friendliest to me", try to see if you can just illustrate that with dialogue instead.
-I like the trend of gettting more dialoguey than narratey.
-Cool little riddle thingy with the bee and the piano keys, makes the reader think before they hear the answer.
-Nightmare Sequence is very intense. Good chapter overall.

[Samos]

Dividing this review into parts like I did BKR's other long battle because it's taking a while to read through.

Spoiler: 

The Resistance Force:
Round 1
BKR3: We are united, and we’re the resistance!
Basic opener
Our memes are more magic than any corporate business!
”More magic” is kind of a weird boast.
DirgeThurman: We’ll beat you yesterday, today, and Tomorrowland!
I like it.
We’re pioneers of rap! You’re just a Universal copycat!
I don’t really get how you guys are the pioneers of rap. And there could’ve been a more clever or funny Universal reference.
TollandLee: I’ll turn a Magic Kingdom into anarchy!
Kingdom-anarchy, not bad.
You think you can win? That’s a load of Fantasy!
Nice!
Chao: You’re no Sleeping Beauty! You’re anything but!
Generic insult.
The only transformation you’ve made is turning little girls to sluts!
Good.
Bugeyes: It’s Farkle Time for you to stop with your shitty sitcoms!
Decent.
You care more about teenage fans than well-spoken dialogue!
A little too generic.
Smith: Let’s Shake it Up a little! I’ll shoot you like you’re in Cleveland!
Not bad, kind of the most obvious joke you could make about Shake It Up.
The only experience of fighting you’ll have is from Davis Cleveland!
Doesn’t really make sense.
Max: You can’t Liv with the denial of your awful conditions!
Pretty good.
You must be Maddie insane to think we’ll drop everything and give in!
Decent pun.
BKR3: What’s the worst that you’ll do? Throw a little “Hulk Smash”?
Reference without really a joke.
All: This anti-semitic will soon be reduced into piles of Ash!
Meh, not too clever.

Verse Overview: Several decent puns. I’ll go with 7.75.

Round 2
BKR3: I’ll shut you down faster than I did the Flute Master!
Could’ve been a more clever joke about this reference
DirgeThurman: The only thing you have now is those shitty sitcom rosters!
Generic insult.
TollandLee: You’re a looney Rooney! Hate to Bragg, but we’ve won!
I like these.
Chao: When it comes to pop culture references, we don’t wanna hear another one!
Could’ve been a better pop culture references joke
Bugeyes: You’re an entertainment mogul? Couldn’t you get tutored for better raps?
I don’t see how these two thoughts are related.
Smith: We’ll shoot down you and Three Caballeros at the tip of a fedora hat!
Not bad, but what exactly does “at the tip of a fedora hat” mean? Does it mean they’ll shoot them down fast? Or easily? I don’t really get the idiom.
Max: You shut down Toontown? I’ll shut down your corporation!
Easy joke to make
BKR3: Your family name ain’t gonna last for another generation!
Generic insult
Bugeyes: This Chicago freak-show’s caught into some deep-dished beef!
Ooh Chicago deep-dish. Good one.
Chao: He’s got terrible rollercoasters, and even worse food quality! (Yuck!)
Basic insults.
TollandLee: Just like your countless sequels, you’re doomed to be a fail!
Could’ve been a better sequel joke but this one isn’t bad.
Max: This stupid train fanatic is already off the rails!
Basic insult
DirgeThurman: We’re dispensing rhymes for free! You charge people by the fountain!
I don’t really get why “dispensing rhymes for free” is something to brag about.
Smith: We’re bringing an avalanche upon your little Space Mountain!
Pretty good.
BKR3: You’ve got a Laugh-O-Gram of power, and you think you’re the man?
Good, wording is a little awkward but otherwise good
All: We’ll school this dropout harder than any university can!
Nice.

Verse Overview: Pretty much the same quality as the last verse. I do like several of these lines a good amount.

Walt Disney:
Round 1:
A new batch of heroes came to stop me? Adorable!
Look at them with their determination! Aren’t they just puny and feeble?
Very generic.
They act all hammy and over-the-top like they’re on broadway!
Reference to Disney shows all going to Broadway? Not bad.
I’d love to crush them and grind them into my theme park buffet!
As I watch their guts being poured out the churning machine,
I’ll just grab my popcorn and treat it as if it were a movie scene!
Barely references
Look at the facts, Sinister Seven! You have no right coming here!
Sinister Seven isn’t really an insult.
Once you step onto my property, you’re then mine to hold dear!
Not really a reference
You want to Trump ME? Tell that to my golden statue!
Could’ve been a more clever golden statue joke
You’re calling me crazy, BKR? Well, right back at you!
Basic
You treat your teammates like they’re all pieces on a chessboard!
How so? This isn’t inherently a bad thing.
Walt to BKR 8! Now watch me hang him on my dashboard!
Generic threat.
I’ve captured all your favorite sites, desktop or mobile!
I’ve grown from a small man to an entertainment mogul!
Fact statey.
Soon enough, the whole world will do whatever I say!
Now get out of my castle, I hope you enjoyed your stay!
These two lines are generic

Verse Overview: Only one line I really like. 5.75-6.

Round 2:
You asked to get me angry, and now you’re gonna get it!
Could be used by anyone against anyone.
I’ll shock Joey KK-Kowlski back to his furry dog on Reddit!
He wants to cause the drama, but not a single upvote!
References without jokes.
I wouldn’t give you karma if you shined up my steamboat!
Funny.
You’re a whiny shyster, stealing money like Pfizer!
Got Illuminati initiation, but scared to death of Bill Cipher!
Good references.
I’ll send a Faller and his army back to Sellout HQ!
I think this is a Fallout reference, in which case it’s pretty good.
A factory cut-and-paste who’s cogs are stuck on Level 2!
”Cogs are stuck” is clever.
Don’t get your Mint Supervisor to watch me! I’m on the top!
Not really a boast or insult or threat.
I shut down your hopes and dreams because they failed in the stocks!
It wasn’t a good investment, none of the players were playing,
so I pulled the plug on your loony bin so I could focus on Club Penguin!
These lines feel self-dissy and fact-statey.
It’s not a bad thing, Maxie! Here! Have a Puffle!
Again, not an insult or dis or boast.
It’s tyrants like you that are causing all the trouble!
As you exit my ride, tell all your sidekicks to leave!
You’re all a bunch of slops, while *I ROCK THE MIC PROPERLY!*
Decent ERB reference.

Verse Overview: Best verse in the battle so far. Probably an 8.

[BKTurner47]

Nice! But, let me explain some things first

Spoiler: 

- The "pieces on a chessboard" line is basically Walt stating that BKR/me is/am a little self-absorbed sometimes, and I take my teammates for granted
- What I meant by through the "entertainment mogul" line was basically saying "For someone with all that money, your raps suck"
- The "tip of the fedora hat" line is actually a bit of wordplay, as Smith in this universe is a frequent Reddit user, and the stereotypical Reddit user is perceived to be a neckbeard with a fedora. A bit of wordplay there.
- The whole "I shut down Toontown for a reason" thing was basically Walt playing 4D chess. He is pretending to defend what he did with reasons like Jefferson did against Douglass in his second verse, but in reality, he is just trying to get Max to shut up and leave.
- The "Faller" line is not a Fallout reference. Instead, it is a nickname for Gravity Falls fans (Max watches Gravity Falls a lot and puts references to it into his game). Also, it's continuing from the "scared to death of Bill Cipher" line.
- The "dispensing rhymes for free" line is actually a subtle diss towards DisneyWorld. You see, a trip to DisneyWorld (which in quote "dispenses magic") takes a LOT of money. Dirge is saying that he brings all, if not more fun times than Walt's theme parks will ever make for free.
- Oh, and the "charge people by the fountain" line is a reference to The Fountain, which is a restaurant inside the Dolphin Hotel in Disneyworld, and it's pretty damn pricy too.
- The KK-Kowlski line is basically comparing Max's hatred and tyranny from his earlier installments to the infamous Ku Klux Klan
- The whole "crush the guts and watch it" thing is actually a reference to "Chef Mickey's", which is a buffet in the Contemporary Resort in Disneyworld.

[Samos]

Review of Finale 1/5 of Suit of Space.

Spoiler: 

-Strong setting at the beginning.
-The Liam reveal is out of nowhere. I like how it's done, there's no "IT WAS LIAM!", she just hears his voice after recognizing his house and instantly knows who it is.
-Bringing Liam back into it makes it a lot more compelling and makes us care a lot more about what's going to happen.
-I like how you make the actual, physical battle between Ophorum and the Dark Lord a tie, but give Ophorum the little mental victory by having him smile in death.
-Placement of the Horror Segment right after Ophorum's death is effective, helps let it all soak in. And the ending sentence is very effective too.