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Thread: Presidential Reviews

  1. #1771
    Moonjik's Avatar Fine Red Wine
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    Please review FDR's presidency.

    But before you do, can you review my poems?

    Spoiler: 
    Ghost of Eden

    I gather in the moonbleached shrubs
    In search of our love, our loss that fell
    Against the will of us all.

    Top of Form
    I sense I still sense you in the ghost of Eden
    The garden pathways meander
    Away out of sight into the mist
    As pale as forgotten memories
    Longing to be real once again.
    My mind walks down these paths
    Along rows of planted echoes
    With thorns so soft they cut deeper
    Than the sharpest knives staining the soil
    Until the sown seeds are drowned in red
    And the trees with bloodied hands
    Hide their eyes
    From all worldly visitors.

    Yet your home is now these wilting beds
    A poor imitation of perfection
    A discarded shadow serving to remind
    What we, all of we, cast to the underbelly;
    And sought in a world that was never ours.

    Orpheus descending into Hades
    But there is no music here
    No sound, no silence
    The lyre begot bravery
    Still I come to you.

    All roads lead to Rome
    All veins to the heart
    All thoughts to you.

    Eden is the garden where
    Nothing but sorrow grows
    Where the lifeless trees
    Bear bitter fruit that ripen
    Forbidden with the burden of departure.

    And deep within the orchard’s core
    Your spectre waits with baited breath
    A shallow shade that shares your face
    A whisper through the leaves so faint;
    ‘Come rendezvous with me’
    In the ghost of Eden, beneath the willow trees.

    The Green Man

    Stiller than a whisper;
    The faint sylvan sounds of a pan flute
    Echo across the breeze.
    Going, going is the fleetest spring
    Every footfall a fountain of fertility
    As he darts through the undergrowth
    To a realm greener than our envy
    When we look upon its brilliant bounty.

    The wealth of the earth leaches upwards
    To feed our belligerent grain,
    A thankless weed with each passing season
    Grows in hatred and ego as
    The ugliest reflection of
    Narcissus.
    As he gazes upon this world we left
    Where men can sprout as tall as trees
    With no fear of returning to the ground.

    Tall men and trees are cut
    This is known.

    Hanged men in the hanging gardens
    Sway from the trees in the sickly-sweet breeze
    That smells of azaleas in bloom
    And rotting meat.
    The birds peck out their eyes
    Lick the sap that covers their bodies
    While singing the song of
    Forgotten forget-me-nots

    Before they fly back to him.

    He is rooted to the trunk
    Of a great giving oak;
    A mane of leaves and tangled histories
    His eyes
    His eyes are so old, so wise
    And they are weeping.
    Only then do I see
    The axe, like a thorn in his side
    A wound which waters the earth
    I watch, green blood on my hands
    As the wilderness moans.

    Astrophobia

    The starry ceiling of the heavens bore relentless
    Upon her bowed and bent back.
    A stygian cage where dreams, shattered constellations
    Broken so no sculptor’s hand could reconstruct them
    Or no poet’s pen could put her pain,
    Her slow singularity of feeling
    To words.

    The streaking comet of love,
    How she laughed at the notion of making a wish,
    Burned up in the atmosphere of a thousand suns;
    It’s residual gravity still more potent
    Than the strength of creation
    Of destruction
    Of preservation.

    She sleeps with him close at hand
    Her partner in navigating this abyss where
    Love once flourished.
    Now he cares more for the blackness that surrounds them
    Than the blackness smudged around her eye –
    The eye of the galactic storm –
    Where the tears he caused used to flow.

    Rogue chips of polish orbit his conscious
    Polish from her nails as she clawed the fabric of eternity
    Yearning to escape from this purgatory
    This self-imposed torture where
    Loneliness arose from company
    And begot misery.

    How foolish they were, she thought, to believe
    They could traverse the primordial void that had rendered
    Coupled souls afore them to nothing more than dust.
    The typical vanity that so accompanied love –
    The same vanity that inspired man to walk on the moon
    And reach for the stars when they shine so far away.

    Weeping, every iota becomes dense
    Straining to feel at his touch;
    Her nose, throat, eyes, lungs
    Fill with the debris from countless planets
    That make up her damaged being
    Searching desperately for space.

    Olympus

    He stood atop the mountain’s crest
    Storms adrift around his feet
    The stars etched wars fought eras ago
    An astral crown ringing his head
    The peak, scraping the heavens, his throne.

    From his summit he saw the whole earth;
    Vast and vibrant stretching to the horizon
    He conquered it –
    Without a sword, or a pen or nary a word
    He mounted the world with his own two hands.

    His mountain was his triumph
    A sculpted claw reaching ever upwards
    Striking the sky into two
    Casting the globe below
    Into the light of his shadow.

    Near and far they brought him stones
    Scores to build his seat higher
    Until he broke through the clouds.
    They could not see his face
    They could not hear his words.

    In folly he bellowed
    “I am a god”
    And went down to see them.

    His name was forgotten
    Before he finished his descent.

    The Artist

    He took a long-lazy drag of His thin cigarette
    Seeing in that sensual smoke the purest form of the
    Human soul—His soul
    And He set about sketching it with a blunt-tipped pencil.
    The canvas, worn and course, was His to make beautiful yet
    His drawing was an ugly echo of the perfect, Platonic original;
    A poor novice copy—rough and raw at the edges.
    He looked again and He cursed
    As the smoke had gone.

    All around Him lay forgotten projects
    Gathering the dust of oblivion,
    Works from which he expected no, nor wished for,
    Any songs of praise or exaltation.
    Scattered paintings, drawings and ideas He abandoned
    To become the architect of a watercolour universe.

    He started with the void—
    The black portrait of his apathy.
    He filled the darkness haphazardly with slapdash shapes,
    Heavenly bodies
    To reflect His unheavenly sins, His idle pastimes.
    He feathered the brush to create the soft stars,
    Virtues blinking in and out of existence.

    The paradise found was rich in steadfast trees,
    In rivers that ran like veins to the world's end,
    In mountains that held up the vast sky.
    He populated the trees, the rivers, the skies,
    The earth with creatures great and small
    As best as he could remember from the smoke.
    Then he painted himself
    Ignorant and naked and flat—
    Perfect in imperfection.
    He perfumed the canvas with the precious scent of sunlight
    So he could see Himself in His work.

    Finished, at last He said
    'Let there be light!'
    And left the piece to rot in a dusty corner of night.

    Trainthoughting

    A wormlike metal behemoth barrels down
    The omnipresent, unceasing tracks he knows day after day;
    A godless ritual admired only for punctuality—
    These makers give no thought to much else,
    Lest he desire to flee their determined route and soar
    To which they curse and holler at him for his dream of liberty.

    He should be grateful to these creatures in his gut,
    Who stitched him from the metals deep within the ground
    Who light fires in his head and feed him black rocks
    Who confine him to the rails and ride him for their own ends.
    He should be grateful to these creatures in his gut,
    Who made him a monster.

    His static journey along these skeletal roads nourish him with
    Views of freedom that shall never be tasted.
    Green hills once home to the ores of his brothers—
    Until they came to tear the mineral souls from the rocks
    Drilling their holes into the mountainside,
    Extracting the earth's bounty to nourish their pride
    Until the land is an empty shell;
    And with the railroads a new cage for the countryside
    The bastards took the shell as well.

    With a groan he comes to a laboured stop
    In a land of cracked grey cement.
    He shudders open, watching the contents of his body spew out
    And more spew in.
    He should consider himself lucky however
    Unlike the parasites that crawl in and out his ribcage
    For who, unlike he, have an illusion of free will
    An illusion they paint into reality.
    Do they not travel these lines as he does?
    See the same views as he does?
    Long for the same freedom he does?

    With a sharp twisting in his bowels
    They tear these thoughts from him
    With a volcanic belch.
    He is surrounded, once again, by darkness
    Empty at last save for
    His final and perpetual thoughts of solitude.

    In some ways
    Flesh, blood and bone
    Are colder and harder than steel.
    But,░in░truth,░I░have░wept░too░much!░Dawns░are░hea rtbreaking.
    Ξvery░moon░is░atrocious░and░every░sun░bitter. (ュ だ  どいロリラ威萎虞う ャイ意営縁ぇヵ)

    Quote Originally Posted by Juiz
    moon you're hurting me in ways you'll never even know. lets do that suicide, buddy.

  2. #1772
    BKTurner47's Avatar Bon Vivant of Violet
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    Can you review "Chocolate with Nuts"? It's my favorite Spongebob episode!

  3. #1773
    Samos's Avatar Super Moderator
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    My review of Suit of Space Finale 3/5.
    Spoiler: 
    -OH FUCK THAT DARK LORD REVEAL. THAT IS A BADASS VILLAIN REVEAL HIS ONE-LINER ABOUT NEEDING MORE TIME OH FUCK AWESOME
    -The fight scenes are exciting and Liam's villain monologuing is pretty well done.
    -Well, some of the villain monologuing is a little cliche, as well as some of the Grand Elder monologue, but only a little.
    -There's not too much I'm finding myself able to say about this chapter because it's just all so exciting and dramatic and flows together.
    -The ending really intrigues me. Where can the story go from here? What does it mean that Amy can speak about her death?

    If you want me to review something of yours, click me.
    Spoiler: 


    We're all humans, we all make mistakes, but try to always keep the site rules in mind..

    Things on here I found funny:
    Spoiler: 
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Sambama
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion
    wumbo write anotherfanfic now
    have nice peter come in
    "it's nice peter bitches"
    ""and i'm going to give you all my NICE PETER"
    and then peter visits the forum
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    Quote Originally Posted by zyroda View Post
    there was a girl though once she told me she loved me she used to tell me that all the time
    she had this really adorable dog
    it was a boxer and it used to bark really loudly and throw howls in the night and never shut up and it kept her up and night before the big final exam

    and i just wanted her to do well on her exam so i shot the dog
    and all of a sudden im a bad guy

    and you don't love me anymore

    i'm so sorry i guess i never ever do a damn thing right

    everybody thinks i'm gonna cause problems

    nobody wants me with them cause they think i'm gonna do all this weird stuff that's gonna cause problems
    Quote Originally Posted by TDFE Confessional
    Quote Originally Posted by GonadtheNomad
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    SENT
    lies
    i never lie
    Honest Wumbabe
    Quote Originally Posted by SuperRapz
    Quote Originally Posted by Rocket
    Gogos are not 4 year old toys, they're a choking hazard.
    You Know What Else Is A Choking Hazard? My Penis. So you Better Stop Sucking On it So hard, Four Year Old. Make A New Thread For your Spam, You Stupid Bitch. We Try To have Fun Here. And Don't Jump On me About MLP, You Stupid little Fuck. Like YN Said, Go Get Tested Or Some Shit. I'm Tired Of Putting Up With You. Pie Licking Bitch, Go Shove A Pickle up Your Ass. Better Yet, A Banana.
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Sambaba
    http://aattp.org/conservative-christian-rewrote-harry-potter-so-her-kids-wont-turn-into-witches/
    I'm not reading past the title

    Quote Originally Posted by Martin Luther King, Jr.
    Let no man pull you low enough to hate him.

  4. #1774
    Samos's Avatar Super Moderator
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    Here's my review of Tacohero's King Arthur vs. Link.
    Spoiler: 
    King Arthur:
    Round 1:
    Huzzah! An overrated video game character
    Pretty basic reference, not much of a joke.
    steps forth to fight, and become my next rhyming perisher.
    Basic threat, missing a reference as far as I know.
    You may be a Hyruler, but I'm the high ruler.
    This is a good pun, I like this line a lot.
    Both you and your raps are weak, you're the fire fueler.
    Not too much of a reference.
    I rap at you imperiously, feel my lyrical tyranny
    Pretty good, although pretty much any kinglike person could use these lines.
    You fool around and go smashing pots, while I take my job seriously.
    Could’ve been a better joke about this reference. It feels like you just threw in the reference and didn’t make full use of the reference.
    It takes hours upon hours, for you to complete a single task.
    True, but a little fact statey.
    Don't get me started on your face and ears, you should put on Majora's Mask.
    Nice.
    An evil wizard takes your girl, every time you turn your back, fool
    I mean there should really be better security at that castle.
    Not really insulting Link.
    My name is on a pedestal right next to the Great from Pella.
    Not really a specific reference to Arthur.
    I forget your name. It's um... Um... I remember now, it's Zelda!
    Funny, but kind of an obvious joke and I’ve kinda heard it before. Could’ve been more creative with this joke.

    Verse Overview: 7-7.5. There are one or two lines I think are really good but a lot of them aren’t as creative as they could be.

    Round 2:
    Hey! Excuuuuuuuuse me, princess! You're a prissy little midget who can't defend when I finish you in a spar of fencing
    Excuse me princess reference is funny, rest of the line is pretty basic insulting.
    Yes, you have the Master Sword, but I'm the sword master.
    Nice.
    The rock was better enemy, from which I pulled Excalibur.
    Pretty decent reference.
    I was given the quest from God to find an item that was magic
    Fact statey.
    How would you put your puny little fairy against my wizard and match it?
    Fun little comparison, not really a joke but clever.
    Let's go toe to toe, then you'll know you'll not be stopping me, now
    Seems like a filler line.
    Then, I'll see your princess, she'll wanna play songs on my Ocarina
    Pretty good sex joke.
    I'm a mighty legend across all the lands, known for my fighting
    Generic boast.
    You're a character that flops, Nintendo has to keep retrying
    Generic insults.

    Verse Overview: Even more lines I really like in this verse. 8.5.

    Overall: 15/20

    Link:
    Round 1:
    You think you're the mightiest rapper in your attempt be dissing me?
    Generic opener.
    Looking for the perfect battler, you've found the missing Link.
    Nice pun.
    Looking for worthiest challenger, I'm here to take the crown
    Pretty good, if this is a reference to what I think it is.
    Gather the knights at your table, and I'll win every round
    Nice, kinda subtle, I like it..
    My first move, Mr. Hogs the Cam a Lot
    Good.
    I shoot my raps like an arrow through Lancelot.
    Not super clever.
    'Cause he should've been the very one man you slaught,
    he went and gave Guinevere his lance a lot.
    Funny.
    Call me Mordred, I mortally wound you as I'm storming your palace
    Decent reference.
    I took a quest for a damsel in distress, while you took one for a chalice.
    A little fact statey.
    I would continue to put my sword in you with much malice,
    but I defeated the demon Ganondorf, you're not even a challenge.
    Also fact statey.

    Verse Overview: Strong, a handful of weak lines but a decent amount of strong lines. 8.75ish probably.

    Round 2:
    Galahad was the only one that found what you're looking for
    Fact statey.
    You still making feeble attempts, so, let me Tri-Force
    Good.
    I cringe at your raps, like I did at your Monty Python movie
    Maybe could’ve been a better Monty Python joke but this is pretty good.
    I'll smash your Grail, and I'll collect the rupees
    Clever, good mixing of refereences.
    The battle was over the second I pressed start
    Good video game reference.
    I throw a rap grenade at the ugly piece of Art
    Nice, took me a second.
    I'm a peacemaker(piece maker), I'm tearing down the wall of Merlin
    Good.
    I say Knight, Knight! When, you see my four swords unfurling.
    Eh, feel like references without jokes.
    You made a decent story, and they told it well,
    but this boss battle against me was a Holy Fail
    Very straightforward, but I think it works.

    Verse Overview: Great verse. Probably a 9, or at least 8.75.

    Overall: 17.75/20

    Overall Battle: For a first battle, this is really really good. Lots of really funny and clever disses. There’s still too much filler, and a lot of the references aren’t really jokes, but a lot of these jokes really pay off.

    King Arthur’s Worst Line: Steps forth to fight, and become my next rhyming perisher.
    Line just feels a little pointless.
    King Arthur’s Best Line: Don't get me started on your face and ears, you should put on Majora's Mask.
    This is clever, insulting, and a good reference. Honorable mentions are High Ruler and Ocarina.
    Link’s Worst Line: You think you're the mightiest rapper in your attempt be dissing me?
    Try to cut down on lines like this in the future. Ideally, you want every line to have something clever in it.
    Link’s Best Line: Gather the knights at your table, and I’ll win every round
    My favorite pun of the bunch. Honorable mentions are missing link, hogs the cam a lot, Triforce, and piece of Art.

    Total Score: 32.75/40

    If you want me to review something of yours, click me.
    Spoiler: 


    We're all humans, we all make mistakes, but try to always keep the site rules in mind..

    Things on here I found funny:
    Spoiler: 
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Sambama
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion
    wumbo write anotherfanfic now
    have nice peter come in
    "it's nice peter bitches"
    ""and i'm going to give you all my NICE PETER"
    and then peter visits the forum
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    Quote Originally Posted by zyroda View Post
    there was a girl though once she told me she loved me she used to tell me that all the time
    she had this really adorable dog
    it was a boxer and it used to bark really loudly and throw howls in the night and never shut up and it kept her up and night before the big final exam

    and i just wanted her to do well on her exam so i shot the dog
    and all of a sudden im a bad guy

    and you don't love me anymore

    i'm so sorry i guess i never ever do a damn thing right

    everybody thinks i'm gonna cause problems

    nobody wants me with them cause they think i'm gonna do all this weird stuff that's gonna cause problems
    Quote Originally Posted by TDFE Confessional
    Quote Originally Posted by GonadtheNomad
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    SENT
    lies
    i never lie
    Honest Wumbabe
    Quote Originally Posted by SuperRapz
    Quote Originally Posted by Rocket
    Gogos are not 4 year old toys, they're a choking hazard.
    You Know What Else Is A Choking Hazard? My Penis. So you Better Stop Sucking On it So hard, Four Year Old. Make A New Thread For your Spam, You Stupid Bitch. We Try To have Fun Here. And Don't Jump On me About MLP, You Stupid little Fuck. Like YN Said, Go Get Tested Or Some Shit. I'm Tired Of Putting Up With You. Pie Licking Bitch, Go Shove A Pickle up Your Ass. Better Yet, A Banana.
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Sambaba
    http://aattp.org/conservative-christian-rewrote-harry-potter-so-her-kids-wont-turn-into-witches/
    I'm not reading past the title

    Quote Originally Posted by Martin Luther King, Jr.
    Let no man pull you low enough to hate him.

  5. #1775
    Samos's Avatar Super Moderator
    Join Date
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    Here's my review of continued review of song one of Midori - Shoujo Tsubaki (5:28-16:00) as requested by YN. WARNING: If you're like watching this with me as I review or something, THIS PART OF THE FILM HAS VERY GRAPHIC ANIMAL ABUSE, AND GORE. PLEASE DO NOT WATCH IF THESE IMAGES ARE AT ALL DISTURBING TO YOU (it is in fact very disturbing). And I'm still not linking anyway, because as I mentioned earlier it also contains nudity
    Spoiler: 
    -The little scene where she tries to escape the sex by going into the other room and then just finds more sex is very effectively disturbing, and juxtaposed well with the cutesy next scene.
    -and then they kind of ruin it by making that scene really disgusting and depressing
    I think this story so far is getting way too depressing and disturbing way too fast. I'd like if it were paced a little better. Maybe I'm just still grossed out by that scene though
    -There are a lot of those weird abstract images at the ends of scenes. I'd like if they were a little less frequent.
    -The nightmare scene is less effective because honestly it's less disturbing and scary than Midori's real life is at this point.

    If you want me to review something of yours, click me.
    Spoiler: 


    We're all humans, we all make mistakes, but try to always keep the site rules in mind..

    Things on here I found funny:
    Spoiler: 
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Sambama
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion
    wumbo write anotherfanfic now
    have nice peter come in
    "it's nice peter bitches"
    ""and i'm going to give you all my NICE PETER"
    and then peter visits the forum
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    Quote Originally Posted by zyroda View Post
    there was a girl though once she told me she loved me she used to tell me that all the time
    she had this really adorable dog
    it was a boxer and it used to bark really loudly and throw howls in the night and never shut up and it kept her up and night before the big final exam

    and i just wanted her to do well on her exam so i shot the dog
    and all of a sudden im a bad guy

    and you don't love me anymore

    i'm so sorry i guess i never ever do a damn thing right

    everybody thinks i'm gonna cause problems

    nobody wants me with them cause they think i'm gonna do all this weird stuff that's gonna cause problems
    Quote Originally Posted by TDFE Confessional
    Quote Originally Posted by GonadtheNomad
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    SENT
    lies
    i never lie
    Honest Wumbabe
    Quote Originally Posted by SuperRapz
    Quote Originally Posted by Rocket
    Gogos are not 4 year old toys, they're a choking hazard.
    You Know What Else Is A Choking Hazard? My Penis. So you Better Stop Sucking On it So hard, Four Year Old. Make A New Thread For your Spam, You Stupid Bitch. We Try To have Fun Here. And Don't Jump On me About MLP, You Stupid little Fuck. Like YN Said, Go Get Tested Or Some Shit. I'm Tired Of Putting Up With You. Pie Licking Bitch, Go Shove A Pickle up Your Ass. Better Yet, A Banana.
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Sambaba
    http://aattp.org/conservative-christian-rewrote-harry-potter-so-her-kids-wont-turn-into-witches/
    I'm not reading past the title

    Quote Originally Posted by Martin Luther King, Jr.
    Let no man pull you low enough to hate him.

  6. #1776
    Samos's Avatar Super Moderator
    Join Date
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    Blog Entries
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    Here's my review of Suit of Space 4/5.
    Spoiler: 
    -I like the little clip where the still alive people talk about Amy and Liam dying. Kind of a calm before the storm when we see what's going on with Amy.
    -I like how Ragnar starts off as the generic monologue-ing wise character, and then it turns out he's answering to a higher power.
    -Very genuine "oh snap" moment when Amy says he'd never date Liam.
    -The fiddle is very random.
    -Great cliffhanger. It makes you excited for the next chapter, but it's not super "FIND OUT NEXT TIME"-y either.
    -Title is a little too casual for what happens in this part of the story

    If you want me to review something of yours, click me.
    Spoiler: 


    We're all humans, we all make mistakes, but try to always keep the site rules in mind..

    Things on here I found funny:
    Spoiler: 
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Sambama
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion
    wumbo write anotherfanfic now
    have nice peter come in
    "it's nice peter bitches"
    ""and i'm going to give you all my NICE PETER"
    and then peter visits the forum
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    Quote Originally Posted by zyroda View Post
    there was a girl though once she told me she loved me she used to tell me that all the time
    she had this really adorable dog
    it was a boxer and it used to bark really loudly and throw howls in the night and never shut up and it kept her up and night before the big final exam

    and i just wanted her to do well on her exam so i shot the dog
    and all of a sudden im a bad guy

    and you don't love me anymore

    i'm so sorry i guess i never ever do a damn thing right

    everybody thinks i'm gonna cause problems

    nobody wants me with them cause they think i'm gonna do all this weird stuff that's gonna cause problems
    Quote Originally Posted by TDFE Confessional
    Quote Originally Posted by GonadtheNomad
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    SENT
    lies
    i never lie
    Honest Wumbabe
    Quote Originally Posted by SuperRapz
    Quote Originally Posted by Rocket
    Gogos are not 4 year old toys, they're a choking hazard.
    You Know What Else Is A Choking Hazard? My Penis. So you Better Stop Sucking On it So hard, Four Year Old. Make A New Thread For your Spam, You Stupid Bitch. We Try To have Fun Here. And Don't Jump On me About MLP, You Stupid little Fuck. Like YN Said, Go Get Tested Or Some Shit. I'm Tired Of Putting Up With You. Pie Licking Bitch, Go Shove A Pickle up Your Ass. Better Yet, A Banana.
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Sambaba
    http://aattp.org/conservative-christian-rewrote-harry-potter-so-her-kids-wont-turn-into-witches/
    I'm not reading past the title

    Quote Originally Posted by Martin Luther King, Jr.
    Let no man pull you low enough to hate him.

  7. #1777
    BKTurner47's Avatar Bon Vivant of Violet
    Join Date
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    Can you review "Youtube Fucked Up" by Adolf Kyenza (you can find it on Soundcloud)?

  8. #1778
    Mike Hat's Avatar Ladybug Pajamas
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    Who won?

    Spoiler: 
    Bill O'Reilly
    Hitler
    Abraham Lincoln
    Sarah Palin
    Kim Jong-il
    Beethoven
    Einstein
    Genghis Khan
    Bonaparte
    Benjamin Franklin
    Dumbledore
    Dr. Seuss
    Mr. T
    Columbus
    EpicLloyd
    Hitler
    Master Chief
    Wright Bros
    Elvis Presley
    Marilyn Monroe
    Steve Jobs
    Freddie Mercury
    Barack Obama
    Doc Brown
    Clint Eastwood
    Sherlock Holmes
    Moses
    Eve
    Gandhi
    Edison
    Babe Ruth
    Mozart
    Gorbachev
    Darth Vader
    Al Capone
    Joan of Arc
    Bob Ross
    Michael Jordan
    JP Morgan
    Rick Grimes
    Superman
    Stephen King
    Sir Isaac Newton
    William Wallace
    Artists
    Stay Puft
    Bonnie and Clyde
    Zeus
    Hannibal Lecter
    Oprah Winfrey
    Quentin Tarantino
    Lewis and Clark
    David Copperfield
    RoboCop
    Eastern Philosophers (Confucius)
    Julius Caesar
    Stan Lee
    Boba Fett
    JRR Tolkien
    Gordon Ramsay
    Frederick Douglass
    Sean Connery
    Bruce Banner
    Frederick the Great
    Donald Trump
    Charles Darwin
    Wonder Woman
    Tony Hawk
    Theodore Roosevelt
    EpicLLOYD

  9. #1779
    Samos's Avatar Super Moderator
    Join Date
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    Location
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    Posts
    7,162
    Blog Entries
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    sigh here's my review of qin shi huang vs ronald reagan
    i started doing it as a serious review (so this is not spam) but i got really really bored doing that
    Spoiler: 
    Qin Shi Huang:
    Yo Reagan you don’t care about poor people
    It’s not fact statey, but it’s like opinion-statey
    By the way I care even less about poor people
    Self dis
    Yo Reagan you didn’t handle the AIDs crisis well
    Also opinion-statey
    Yo Reagan I’d probably just happily let the gays die man
    Self dis
    Yo Reagan you stereotyped black people
    Opinion statey
    Yo Reagan I don’t even know what a black person is
    Self dis
    Yo Reagan your policies caused a massive deficit in government spending
    Fact statey
    I’m not even sure deficits were a thing that existed at my time
    Not-sure-if-fact statey
    Yo Reagan you don’t care about the environment at all
    Opinion statey
    I mean I don’t either but fuck you because you’re Reagan and you suck
    Generic insult that’s irrelevant to the original point of the line
    Yo Reagan you said fascism was the basis of the New Deal
    Fact statey
    Yo Reagan I’m basically an actual fascist before that was cool
    Self dis
    Yo Reagan you hate “government handouts”
    Fact statey
    Well I don’t give my people anything because fuck them I don’t work for them
    Self dis
    “Yo r
    Just “Yo r
    Typo
    Yo Reagan you gave more power to the elites
    Under me the power was literally all to one elite, being me bitch
    Self dis
    Yo Reagan, you’re a pirate, if my name had an RR in it you would’ve stolen my RR
    It doesn’t have an RR in it
    I’ll crash into you with my car car
    Not a reference to either
    Yo Reagan you won literally every state but Minnesota in 1984
    Fact statey
    I wouldn’t have had a democratic election in the first place so fuck you
    Self dis
    Cock block more Scots than Hadrian’s wall
    I guess it’s kinda connected to Qin Shi Huang but it has nothing to do with Reagan
    Because my wall was great and that one wasn’t
    Doesn’t rhyme

    Verse Overview: Like a 1

    Yo Reagan you massively increased the US’ debt
    Fact statey
    Yo Reagan I’m not even sure what that means
    Pointless
    Yo Reagan you accidentally used an anti-patriotic Springsteen song as a patriotic anthem
    Fact statey
    Yo Reagan Bruce Springsteen was not even a thing that existed when I was alive
    Fact statey and not insulting
    I’m also not sure what rock music is, or what patriotism is
    I also don’t know what the fuck America is
    I’m not even sure what rapping is
    Not disses or boasts
    But yo reagan with your raps it’s clear you don’t either
    OK this is a funny insult
    Here’s my last line dickhead
    Probably the most useless set up line I’ve heard
    I got 4 words for ya: I’m glad Reagan dead
    Could’ve gotten more clever with this reference

    Verse Overview: 1.5

    Qin Shi Huang:
    Yo Hadrian
    Get it like yo adrian
    Potential for something clever here but it’s not
    From Rocky. You’re so cocky
    Generic insult
    I’ll elbow you like the Rock, see
    The Rock really has nothing to do with either of these people
    I got the best wall that’s why it’s called great
    Very easy joke about this reference
    I’ll go home with your hot babe
    Oh crap he was a guy I’m not gay I swear
    Not an insult
    Uhhhhhh yo hadrian what’s up with your hair
    Set up with no joke
    I don’t know if you noticed but I’m rhyming more
    Not a boast or insult
    I did a bit of research on rapping you whore
    I guess this is a reference to how rapping didn’t exist back then, but that kinda ruins the point of ERB
    Yo Hadrian you got some walls
    But you ain’t got no balls
    Very easy rhyme
    Yo Hadrian get rekt kid
    Pointless
    I lived before you so that makes you a kid
    No
    You got some weird ass hair
    No
    And Lucius Aelius died as your heir
    fdact stratey
    That’s sad he was probably young let me look it up
    sdgwish
    Yeah he was only 37 fuck
    But yeah I’m gonna win
    You can call me Qin
    Because that’s at the beginning of my name mayn
    Yo Hadriaynnnn
    According to all known laws
    of aviation,


    there is no way a bee
    should be able to fly.


    Its wings are too small to get
    its fat little body off the ground.


    The bee, of course, flies anyway


    because bees don't care
    what humans think is impossible.


    Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
    Yellow, black. Yellow, black.


    Ooh, black and yellow!
    Let's shake it up a little.


    Barry! Breakfast is ready!


    Ooming!


    Hang on a second.


    Hello?


    - Barry?
    - Adam?


    - Oan you believe this is happening?
    - I can't. I'll pick you up.


    Looking sharp.


    Use the stairs. Your father
    paid good money for those.


    Sorry. I'm excited.


    Here's the graduate.
    We're very proud of you, son.


    A perfect report card, all B's.


    Very proud.


    Ma! I got a thing going here.


    - You got lint on your fuzz.
    - Ow! That's me!


    - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000.
    - Bye!


    Barry, I told you,
    stop flying in the house!


    - Hey, Adam.
    - Hey, Barry.


    - Is that fuzz gel?
    - A little. Special day, graduation.


    Never thought I'd make it.


    Three days grade school,
    three days high school.


    Those were awkward.


    Three days college. I'm glad I took
    a day and hitchhiked around the hive.


    You did come back different.


    - Hi, Barry.
    - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good.


    - Hear about Frankie?
    - Yeah.


    - You going to the funeral?
    - No, I'm not going.


    Everybody knows,
    sting someone, you die.


    Don't waste it on a squirrel.
    Such a hothead.


    I guess he could have
    just gotten out of the way.


    I love this incorporating
    an amusement park into our day.


    That's why we don't need vacations.


    Boy, quite a bit of pomp...
    under the circumstances.


    - Well, Adam, today we are men.
    - We are!


    - Bee-men.
    - Amen!


    Hallelujah!


    Students, faculty, distinguished bees,


    please welcome Dean Buzzwell.


    Welcome, New Hive Oity
    graduating class of...


    ...9:15.


    That concludes our ceremonies.


    And begins your career
    at Honex Industries!


    Will we pick ourjob today?


    I heard it's just orientation.


    Heads up! Here we go.


    Keep your hands and antennas
    inside the tram at all times.


    - Wonder what it'll be like?
    - A little scary.


    Welcome to Honex,
    a division of Honesco


    and a part of the Hexagon Group.


    This is it!


    Wow.


    Wow.


    We know that you, as a bee,
    have worked your whole life


    to get to the point where you
    can work for your whole life.


    Honey begins when our valiant Pollen
    Jocks bring the nectar to the hive.


    Our top-secret formula


    is automatically color-corrected,
    scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured


    into this soothing sweet syrup


    with its distinctive
    golden glow you know as...


    Honey!


    - That girl was hot.
    - She's my cousin!


    - She is?
    - Yes, we're all cousins.


    - Right. You're right.
    - At Honex, we constantly strive


    to improve every aspect
    of bee existence.


    These bees are stress-testing
    a new helmet technology.


    - What do you think he makes?
    - Not enough.


    Here we have our latest advancement,
    the Krelman.


    - What does that do?
    - Oatches that little strand of honey


    that hangs after you pour it.
    Saves us millions.


    Oan anyone work on the Krelman?


    Of course. Most bee jobs are
    small ones. But bees know


    that every small job,
    if it's done well, means a lot.


    But choose carefully


    because you'll stay in the job
    you pick for the rest of your life.


    The same job the rest of your life?
    I didn't know that.


    What's the difference?


    You'll be happy to know that bees,
    as a species, haven't had one day off


    in 27 million years.


    So you'll just work us to death?


    We'll sure try.


    Wow! That blew my mind!


    "What's the difference?"
    How can you say that?


    One job forever?
    That's an insane choice to have to make.


    I'm relieved. Now we only have
    to make one decision in life.


    But, Adam, how could they
    never have told us that?


    Why would you question anything?
    We're bees.


    We're the most perfectly
    functioning society on Earth.


    You ever think maybe things
    work a little too well here?


    Like what? Give me one example.


    I don't know. But you know
    what I'm talking about.


    Please clear the gate.
    Royal Nectar Force on approach.


    Wait a second. Oheck it out.


    - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks!
    - Wow.




    If you want me to review something of yours, click me.
    Spoiler: 


    We're all humans, we all make mistakes, but try to always keep the site rules in mind..

    Things on here I found funny:
    Spoiler: 
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Sambama
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion
    wumbo write anotherfanfic now
    have nice peter come in
    "it's nice peter bitches"
    ""and i'm going to give you all my NICE PETER"
    and then peter visits the forum
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    Quote Originally Posted by zyroda View Post
    there was a girl though once she told me she loved me she used to tell me that all the time
    she had this really adorable dog
    it was a boxer and it used to bark really loudly and throw howls in the night and never shut up and it kept her up and night before the big final exam

    and i just wanted her to do well on her exam so i shot the dog
    and all of a sudden im a bad guy

    and you don't love me anymore

    i'm so sorry i guess i never ever do a damn thing right

    everybody thinks i'm gonna cause problems

    nobody wants me with them cause they think i'm gonna do all this weird stuff that's gonna cause problems
    Quote Originally Posted by TDFE Confessional
    Quote Originally Posted by GonadtheNomad
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    SENT
    lies
    i never lie
    Honest Wumbabe
    Quote Originally Posted by SuperRapz
    Quote Originally Posted by Rocket
    Gogos are not 4 year old toys, they're a choking hazard.
    You Know What Else Is A Choking Hazard? My Penis. So you Better Stop Sucking On it So hard, Four Year Old. Make A New Thread For your Spam, You Stupid Bitch. We Try To have Fun Here. And Don't Jump On me About MLP, You Stupid little Fuck. Like YN Said, Go Get Tested Or Some Shit. I'm Tired Of Putting Up With You. Pie Licking Bitch, Go Shove A Pickle up Your Ass. Better Yet, A Banana.
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Sambaba
    http://aattp.org/conservative-christian-rewrote-harry-potter-so-her-kids-wont-turn-into-witches/
    I'm not reading past the title

    Quote Originally Posted by Martin Luther King, Jr.
    Let no man pull you low enough to hate him.

  10. #1780
    Poles's Avatar Senior Member
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    aw rip that

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