Presidential Reviews

[Juiz]

Then lawl vs gunnut you cuck

[Samos]

Then lawl vs gunnut you cuck

I wrote the "Plus a copy of a thesaurus and the-sore-est attitude" line

Jk I'll still review it

[Samos]

Here's my review of LAWL vs Gunnut ERBOF.

Spoiler: 

Gunnut:
Round 1:
My sukas, this so called genius still has a lesson to learn,
Not really a direct reference to either of these two. It fits the theme of the battle and is kinda clever.
Doc’s about to get a Crash Course on third degree rap burns!
Nice puns.
I'm a hyper intelligent fluent comprehensible prodigy of the prestigious facts, sir,
Not much of a reference aside from the long words.
So do me and the forum a prodigious favor and forget your fucking password!
Could be used against pretty much anyone.
I'll take you to the gun range, you should be used to being shot down by now,
Decent pun.
Cause you’re gunnin’ for trouble if you think you’ll make it out safe and sound!
Eh, this one doesn’t do much for me.
I'll take your little equines to my r**p chamber and make ‘em my sex ponies!
This is awesome. Well memed.
Then I’ll be taking control of this battle like the FUCKING BUREAUCRACY!
Pretty funny.
I'm like Hannibal Lecter, sophisticated but I'll fucking eat you alive!
Probably one of the more obvious Hannibal jokes but it still lands pretty well.
And my intelligence level is like yours, only multiplied by five!
Generic boast.
Pardon my French, but vous n'avez pas une putain de chance contre moi!
Probably could’ve done something better with the French joke.
I've been blessed with a silver tongue, you've got a Wyatt Glass jaw!
Wyatt Glass jaw is a fun pun. I wish there was some way you could’ve worked a pun into the silver tongue part of the line, but that’s minor.
I’d say I'm curious about your verse, but it’ll just be unfunny crap,
Feels a little pointless.
Your name may be Lawlz, but I know I’ll have the last laugh..
I’m surprised I’ve never heard this used before. I like it.

Verse Overview: A few really strong ones, but also a lot of lines that could’ve used more polish. Probably a 8.25.

Round 2:
..as I go in for the stealth kill and slit your throat with my Karambit!
Not really referency enough, but I think it works pretty well here, considering Lawl isn’t expecting the line and it is thus “stealthy”.
I outclass you in every aspect, yet you don’t seem to understand it.
Pun is decent, not really enough to make this a “good line” though.
I’m a far better rapper, and you can’t match wits with me.
Barely a reference.
Someone reading anything you post, now that's more likely!
Not the best joke you could’ve made about this but decent.

Verse Overview: There are references, but the lines in total aren’t quite well structured enough I think. Like a 7.75.

Round 2:
And speaking of your failures, let’s talk about your time as a Super Mod:
Three whole years on the Staff, but only three posts in the mod log?!
Fact statey.
I’m the Deadliest Forumer with tons of swag, that’s a fact son.
References without many jokes.
I’m cocked and ready to pump, while this brony gets no action.
Decent.
I don't mean to r**p-stick it right where it hurts, but seriously,
Nice pun.
What more did you expect, I ain't got a face of mercy!
The set up was was a better use of a reference than the punchline.
You may not remember my name or face, but you’ll NEVER forget this,
Funny.
‘Cause Lawl will fall faster than his history series did!
OK.

Verse Overview: The usage of references varies in quality. 7.75.

Round 3:
On the subject of history, it’s time I made some of my own,
So prepare yourself for my vast intellect as my verse truly gets goin’:
I unfeignedly got to ascertain myself with your forge of malapropism verses
But I'll have to curtail your misfired insults with perilous and ingenious curses
I interdict you from vituperating dissolution, but your mother is an importune and a waste
My lines are verisimilitude and I'll volubility continue with my tractable incessant consummate
You’re infuriating my vigilant and intrepid self with your deplorable rudeness
I’ll disinter your feckless extricable lines with my hospitable eloquence
I am feeling cantankerous and won’t show mendacity, I’m about to make this idiosyncrasy
I’m apt to seeing you are grievous and show lament that you are both inscrutable and probity
I have apprehensive poignant inimical lines that shall not be desultory, I abjure it
And your levity and defiance is so gossamer, it percepts you and makes you discomfit
I don't mean to be a crass raconteur or a curmudgeon, nor turgid
But I advise you not to plod nor embezzle your haughty quell, you hypocrite
Cause if you do not cease to-
If this were an audio, I’d probably be harder on this and say it’s too long (and if you ever do an audio of this, I’d recommend making it much shorter). However, since it’s a written battle, its length doesn’t really take away from the quality of the battle. You can just skim it over if it’s boring (whereas with audio you HAVE to listen). I’m not going to score any of this, just acknowledge its existence and say it’s funny

Overall: 16.75/20

LAWLzoR:
Round 1?:
Shut up Gonad, I’m sick and tired of being gentle,
A little obvious for an opener but it’s OK.
I came for Intellectual Discussion, but instead I got Spam Central!
I like this a lot.
You may use big words, but that doesn’t make you smart by default,
Kinda filler.
And speaking of words, when I get mine in, you’ll want to sue me for verbal assault!
Oooh very good
You're talking about being unfeigned? Then let me tell the truth:
I bet your age is higher than your actual IQ!
Eh, comes off as a fairly generic insult.
I give the forum knowledge, you give everyone huge migraines!
Kinda clever but not a super specific reference
This fucknut will know real pain when I drop him faster than Unity drops frames!
Nice. One of the better “drop puns” I’ve heard for FMERBs.
Heck, this “assassin” doesn’t have the Creed-entials to even rap against me!
Pretty good little puns.
You’re nothing but a one-trick pony, just look at all your OCs!
Not brilliant but I get what it’s trying to do and I like it.
Let me teach you something, ‘cause I wanna watch the world learn, Gonad!
Reference without joke.
Call this “Fire Raps 101”, ‘cause you’re about to feel the burn, nomad!
Pretty basic.
Here’s a formula for you, suka, class is now in session.
Not the best set up but not the worst either.
A lonely kid, plus guns, makes for an alarming obsession.
OK.
Now, take that kid, and subtract a few billion brain cells,
And I’m not talking about splinters, like the one below your belt.
The dick joke is OK, not the best I’ve heard. I like the Splinter Cell pun.
Plus a copy of a thesaurus and the-sore-est attitude.
I wrote this line. I think I wrote a pretty good line here.
Multiply that by your four years wasted here as a way to conclude.
Reference without joke.
What comes together when you combine it all?
A wannabe voice actor who needs a wake up call!
Too basic an insult.
You see, it’s simple math, but I doubt you can comprehend,
So let me dumb it down for you: You suck, HA, the end.
Nice, well-fitting reference to finish it all.

Verse Overview: There’s a lot of really good stuff in here, a lot of decent stuff, a little average stuff. It’s hard to really put a label on how good it is in general, but I’d give it an 8.

Overall: 16/20

Overall Battle: Nothing stands out as bad or even average about this battle. Everything is pretty good. It doesn’t miss any references, and there’s a strong sense of comedy, which is lacking in a lot of fanmades. The format alone is hilarious. Some of the references could be used in more clever ways, and there’s also kind of a lack of real zingers. However, it’s overall very enjoyable.

Gunnut’s Best Line: I'll take your little equines to my r**p chamber and make ‘em my sex ponies!
This is how you meme. Honorable mention is last laugh.
LAWLzoR’s Best Line: And speaking of words, when I get mine in, you’ll want to sue me for verbal assault!
One of the only real “ooh” lines of the battle. Honorable mentions are Unity and Spam Central.

Winner: Gunnut (16.75/20) over LAWLzoR (16/20)

Total Score: 32.75/40, 82%, B

[Poles]

Hey loser, please review Kanye West's "Lift Yourself"

[Samos]

I guess I’ll just start where I left off. Here's the first part of my review of Ash Ketchum vs. Charles Darwin. I have no idea what’s next

Spoiler: 

Beat:
Relevance-It's a perfect beat for Ash. A lot of the instruments I here sound exactly like some of the instruments I hear in the original Pokemon theme song. It doesn't totally make me think Charles Darwin, but honestly, revisiting this series now for the first time in a while, it is pretty hard to convert someone like Charles Darwin into a hip hop setting and find a beat for him. It sounds adventurous and kind of nature-y, so it doesn't lose any points here. 2.5/2.5
Catchiness-I love the instruments, but there isn't much of a distinguishable tune aside from a couple of the guitar riffs. 1.5/2.5
Intensity-Feels like a real battle. 2.5/2.5
Variety-Could maybe use a little something else but this isn't a huge glaring flaw. There's enough differentiation. 2/2.5
Overall: It fits, it sounds pretty good, not an incredible beat but definitely gets the job done. 8.5/10

Costumes:
Ash Ketchum-I'm pleasantly surprised they went with the more modern look. It at least gives the impression that they didn't just watch the first season and wing it with trying to portray the character. Full Points
Charles Darwin-Very impressive. Looks like the real person. Full Points
Extras-Jesse and James are cute and a nice touch. I'm going to lump the Pokemon animations in here because I think they fit here; I wish they had gone with an animation style that looks more like the anime. The Pokemon look good, don't get me wrong, but if they're going the animation route, they could've probably hired someone better to recreate the animation. Still, I'm very glad they didn't do costumed Pikachu like a bunch of people suggested at the time. -0.5 Points

Impressions:
Ash Ketchum-For me, Ash is one of those characters that's been through so many different voices that it makes some sense for ERB to just do their own take on it. He sure as hell doesn't sound 10, but in a way that actually makes sense for this battle. Full Points
Charles Darwin-I'm glad he sounds kinda British and okay with the fact that he doesn't sound totally British. The voice they gave him fits what he looks like really well for me. Full Points

Ash Ketchum's First Verse:
Darwin wants to battle? Doesn't seem like a fight,
Good way to begin the battle.
But this should be fun! I've yet to catch the Ghost type!
Nice reference. Not an amazingly hilarious line but pretty good.
Got the highest speed stat, drop raps lightning fast,
Not the most clever puns, but better than a filler line.
Open my pockets and go (Charizard!) on your ass!
Same as above.
'Cause I'm Ash! And that's A to the "shush"!
Basic pun.
I don't care how many beetles and butterflies you squoosh!
Makes a reference without really doing much with it.
Your earthworms can't beat these magical beasties!
Nothing noteworthy.
Your shit-talking mouth is the origin of feces!
This is the first really solid line of the battle for me. I just really like the pun.
You got candy raps: Reese's Pieces!
This line mystified me when the battle first came out and I still don't totally get it. Even if it is a pun of Rhesus, and I don't think it is or they would have written it that way, it's still not really much of an insult.
In this ecosystem, I'm the dominant species!
Kind of an obvious joke, but a decent one.
When it's time to train, I turn to Pikachu, (Pika!)
But when I need a weak verse, I choose you!
Eh. Probably could've done something more clever with an "I Choose You" pun.

Verse Overview: It's fine. Not super strong, needs more of an "ooh" factor. Lower end of 7.5.

Charles Darwin's First Verse:
Hello there. Welcome to a world called Earth,
OH SHIT DAWG I fucking love this opener. Kudos to whoever wrote it. Solid reference and insult.
Where actual minds do groundbreaking work!
OK yeah we get it
If you're looking for the fittest, I'm the natural selection!
Obvious but it works
You're so ineffective you couldn't even turn 11!
C'monnnnn that's what you're gonna do with the "always 10" thing? You can do better.
What you spit's just not hard-hitting enough!
...?
It's kids stuff! You're soft like a Jigglypuff!
The rhyming here is okay but there's not much to the line.
You got no Game, Boy, so you'll get the broom quick!
I like the Game Boy pun.
The real Ash packs a much bigger BOOMSTICK!
It's got a cool factor and not much else going for it.
I'm a masterful naturalist!
What I've glimpsed will outclass all the crap on your laughable list!
Rhyming is really cool.
My research reversed the first words of the Church!
Fact statey. Rhymes in this line are the best of the verse though.
You measure your worth by the sales of your merch!
Not bad, not great either.

Verse Overview: As far as great lines, the first one is the only real winner, but I like the way the verse flows and the rhyming is well written for most of it. Lower end of 8.5.

Ash Ketchum's Second Verse:
Yo, ummm, real quick?
This dude spent eight years studying barnacle dick! Kick it!
It's clear they discovered this fact in research and thought it was so funny that this was the best way to deliver it. I get what they were thinking. Might've been interested in seeing how an actual clever line would have worked but it's funny.
You think I'm impressed by your boat trip? Please!
You're the most annoying thing on a Beagle since fleas!
Funny, not brilliant or anything.
You're a glitchy old man best left out at sea!
Very impressive. Good on you ERB, I forgot about the Old Man glitch.
Set sail and Galápago-suck on these!
The “Galapagos”-”go” pun is not solid enough to sustain a whole line.

Verse Overview: Jokes are kinda iffy here, could be a much better verse. I’d go with a 7-7.25.

That's all it's letting me post for some reason? The rest will be posted later.

[GonadTheNomad]

I'm like 90% sure I haven't asked you to review what exists so far in my Injustice 2 Forum Edition fic. Could you review that some time?

[Samos]

I will restart my list with new requests.

Here's the rest of my Ash vs. Darwin review

Spoiler: 

Charles Darwin’s Second Verse:
Look, Mighty Morphin’ Michael Vick
Stupid and funny.
Your animated slave fights make me sick!
Reference to Darwin’s abolitionism perhaps? Mostly just a piggyback off the last line though, doesn’t really add much.
When I battle a foe from so simple a beginning,
Good set up.
I’m not Charles Sheen, but I am Dar-winning!
Fun little reference. Nothing brilliant.

Verse Overview: Definitely better than Ash’s second verse, though there isn’t too much to write home about here. It’s funny without much wit. 8.25-8.5.

Ash Ketchum’s Third Verse:
Man if that’s true, then nature is cruel
Decent set up line.
‘Cause the only thing you’re winning is your cousin’s gene pool!
Would be a little underwhelming if this was the only “Darwin fucked his cus” joke, but it actually sets up for a greater punchline…
You lost three children while they were still small!
TB and scarlet fever; gotta catch ‘em all!
And boom goes the dynamite. Really strong finisher.

Verse Overview: I mean it’s all pretty much set up for one punchline, but the set-ups aren’t just filler and the punchline is great. 8.5.

Charles Darwin’s Third Verse:
It took millions of years for mankind to evolve!
Now they’re hunched over cell phones playing with your balls!
Works well with the visual gag. I’m also very partial to the “playing with balls” joke, I made it in my Oak vs Darwin rap battle way back when
And it was hard losing my daughters and their brother,
As hard as the wood that Oak gave your mother!
This was the main moment where I realized “ERB really did their research for this one”. They nailed the community inside joke.

Verse Overview: Two jokes attempted, both successes. 9.

Ungraded Stuff:
Idea-I remember I had a LONG history of hating this idea before I finally came around to it. It’s pretty great. Gets the history and the pop culture, connection isn’t airtight (I maintain that “has to do with evolution” is still a bad connection on it’s own) but the “animals” and the “be the very best” themes lead to some pretty solid disses on both sides.
Presentation: Pretty good. The Pokemon could look better, but they’re not distractingly bad or anything, the artist is clearly talented. The Team Rocket blasting off visual is awesome. Both backgrounds look really nice.

Overall Battle: It’s a good battle. Not one of my favorites in the series, and there’s little that makes it stand out amongst the crowd. It’s just fun, some good disses and respectful representations of two characters that people had been demanding for a very long time. Strongly disagree with the vocal few who think that Pokemon was not well represented in this battle. We’re lucky we got a Pokemon character at all, and they clearly put forth a great effort in making sure they got it right.

Ash Ketchum’s Best Line: TB and scarlet fever; gotta catch ‘em all!
Easily the most “ooh shit” line Ash has in this battle. Honorable mentions are Origin of Feces and old man glitch.
Charles Darwin’s Best Line: As hard as the wood that Oak gave your mother!
Interesting that I thought the best line for both of them was the last line. Again, most “ooh shit” factor. Honorable mention is “welcome to a world called earth”.

Ash Ketchum Overall Score: 15.75/20
Charles Darwin Overall Score: 17.5/20

Winner: Charles Darwin

Total Score: 51.25/60, 85%, B

[Brad]

I literally cannot agree more with the fact that Darwin and Ketchum just seems like the definition of an exactly "B" rap battle

[Samos]

I literally cannot agree more with the fact that Darwin and Ketchum just seems like the definition of an exactly "B" rap battle

Yeah, I think I've tweaked my points system enough now that the ending score actually really reflects how I feel about the battle. I look back at some of my old reviews and some of the formatting decisions I made (grading all verses equally, giving an "overall score" at the end) were in hindsight really arbitrary.

[YellowNerd]

Do you do in-depth song reviews? If so please try and review: Winter Aid - The Wisp Sings

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TOsJasWO_Jc