Presidential Reviews

[Samos]

Here's my review of Micheal vs. DarkLink (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82PmNydq7ZM). Yes, I know it's supposed to be bad. I was requested to review this seriously. Next is Napoleon vs. Napoleon.

Spoiler: 

Beat: All of the beats in this battle get the same basic critique from me, which is that some of them are kind of catchy, but overall, they just aren't very exciting or memorable. In fact, I had to relisten to them while writing this because I forgot what they sounded like. 5/10

Darklink: There are some references in this verse, but they're just so incredibly lame. The Bart vs. Steve line gave me a good laugh because of how awkwardly the line ended. The last line is also pretty laughably unoriginal. Speaking of which, why are these guys so obsessed with originality? 2/10

Michael: The butt and haircut lines aren't even insults or boasts, they're just a statement and question respectively that have no place in a battle. The Ihop line was a reference, I guess, but just....why Ihop? Again, the references are just pathetic broad statements. Somehow, this verse is worse than Darklink's. 1.5/10

Fictional Rap Battles: ''Make your ass pee''? This line could mean a few things. 1: He's going to beat him so bad his body functions will react in a different manner from the way they are supposed to or 2: They just wanted a rhyme for me. I'm going to assume for the sake of the battle it's the first one, in which case it's the best line of the battle so far, despite not being a reference or anything. The rest of the lines are actual references, so there's that. I guess this is the best one so far, which is really sad. 3/10

Best Rap Battles Of All Time: ''fiz''? Is that a word? *googles* Nope. I really don't get the repeated ''versus'' (or ''verus'' as the description says). They said they came in to ''diss and piss''. Now I get the diss part of that, but why exactly are they going to piss? This verse has no references at all, and is one of the worst rap battle verses I've ever seen. .5/10

Joey0047: From a comedic standpoint, this is my favorite verse in the battle. It's just hilarious how dumb some of these filler lines are. But I was told to judge this seriously, so obviously, I have to say it sucks. It has like 3 references, maybe, and they're hardly even references. 1/10

Matthew: At least this guy points out legitimate flaws that the actual people have. From a serious standpoint, this guy is the best in the entire battle. But it's still pretty laughably bad. Why does he make a joke about Michael's mom and not a joke about any of the other moms? 4/10

Zshred: Some legitimate references, but nothing that great. This one is the only verse that would get a bad review no matter how I did this review. It's not as ''so-bad-it's-good'' as some of the other verses. It's still bad, just not funny bad. 3/10

Kenneth: Too dang long. The lyrics suck too, but I guess that goes without saying. There are a lot of references here, and if they condensed this verse and just kept the references, it'd be the best verse in the battle. But no, too much filler. 3.5/10

Overall: This battle is hilarious, and really, it would get a great score if I were reviewing it for humor. It did give me quite a few laughs. But obviously as a serious battle, it's awful. The references are mostly just stating facts, the flow is incredibly slow, but I did have fun watching it. 2.5/10

Darklink's Best Line: your bart simpson vs Steve was the worse rap battle I have seen in this day
Darklink's Worst Line: Michael you suck ass and everyone knows you will lose
Michael's Best Line: I think I saw you meet your 13 year old girlfriend at ihop
Michael's Worst Line: Darklink did you get a haircut?
fictional rap battles' Best Line: (I'm the epic fictional rap battles and and if you make fun of me) I will diss you with my amazing lyrics so bad it will make your ass pee
fictional rap battles' Worst Line: I really hate you darklink
Best rap battles of all tine's Best Line: WE THE BEST RAP BATTLES OF ALL TIME here to make your brian fiz
Best rap battles of all tine's Worst Line: Michael your a little bitch who doesn't have a penis
Joey0047's Best Line: best rap battles of all time? that title is fucking mis leading
Joey0047's Worst Line: you think your rap battles are good? I have seen better out of ass
Matthew's Best Line: Jeog you're just sad, now go lick hufflepuffs cup
Matthew's Worst Line: All of you are pricks and can't make battles for shit
Zshred's Best Line: Micheal and Dekota you both talk about balls
Zshred's Worst Line: You guys are egg heads who are dumber than mr. Bean!
Kenneth's Best Line: Welcome to my spamverse I'll use you as bait!
Kenneth's Worst Line: you think that you're good cause you can rap like crap

Darklink: 2/10 (equivalent to 4/20blaze it)
Michael: 1.5/10 (equivalent to 3/20)
Epic Fictional Rap Battles: 3/10 (equivalent to 6/20)
Best Rap Battles Of All Time: .5/10 (equivalent to 1/20)
Joey0007: 1/10 (equivalent to 2/20)
Matthew: 4/10 (equivalent to 8/20)
Zsred: 3/10 (equivalent to 6/20)
Kenneth: 3.5/10 (equivalent to 7/20)

Total Score: 26/100 (equivalent to 13/50)

[Kubby]

http://www.erboh.com/forum/showthrea...861#post358861

Could you add this one to your queue?

[Samos]

Here's my re-review of Napoleon vs. Napoleon (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AeNYDwbm9qw). Next is 1$hotkill vs. The Flying Bullet.

Spoiler: 

Beat: This beat is one of my favorites in all of season one. My only complaint would be that it's a bit repetitive, but aside from that, it's got everything you want in a beat. It's really intense, really catchy, and it's probably the most memorable beat of the season. It's weird, you wouldn't expect a battle like this to have such an awesome beat. 9/10

Impressions and Costumes: They really nailed this. It doesn't take too much to play a good Bonaparte, just give him a French accent and you're good, but Dynamite has his own unique mannerisms that Peter just nailed. He said he got really frustrated trying to get this character down, but I think the hard work really payed off. Nothing to complain about here. 10/10

Napoleon Dynamite-Round 1: Somehow, they managed to only use one height joke in this entire verse. It's probably the weakest height joke in the battle, but I have to credit them for not focusing on the obvious, unlike his next verse, but we'll get to that. The Bones apart line and Waterloo line were both pretty obvious, but I like the Horatio Nelson line a lot. Also, did anyone else notice that Rhett and Link also rhymed Nelson and Yeltsin in one of their own rap battles? Just a weird thing I noticed. I don't really get the French Fries line (why do you need to brag about tater tots?), but the last line is nice. So the verse all in all is pretty dang good. See, this is why I re-review these things, I have no idea why this got a 7 last time. 8.5/10

Napoleon Bonaparte-Round 1: The first few lines are pretty basic and generic, but the Tina line is OK, and the Lafawnduh line is pretty great. I love the doodle line, and the mountain line is decent. The last line is a bit obvious, but still pretty great. Honestly, I can't decide whether I like it more or less than Dynamite's first, so I guess that's one thing that isn't changing from the first review. 8.5/10

Napoleon Dynamite-Round 2: This verse does nothing but focus on Bonaparte's height. One height joke was fine, there's a lot more to make fun of with the character. It actually reminds me a lot of Miley Cyrus' second verse, in that it has good lines, but they just focus on one detail in particular. The lines are funny, don't get me wrong, but too repetitive for me. 7/10

Napoleon Bonaparte-Round 2: As most of you know, I gave this verse a 10 last time, and I stand by that. Every line is just fantastic. The worst line in the verse is the moon boots line, and even that is still a great line. I cracked up when Napoleon just started ranting rapidly in French, the virgin meringue line is really clever, and I don't think I need to say anything about the last line. 10/10

Overall: This battle is way better than I remember it being. I always remembered it as good, but now I think it might be my favorite season 1 battle, even above Einstein vs. Hawking. Maybe there's a lesson to be learned from this, that battles with weak connections turn out better. I don't know, I just know that re-reviewing this battle was a pleasant surprise, because it's beat, presentation and lines are all awesome. 8.5/10

Napoleon Dynamite's Best Line: When it comes to world leaders, you like literally lowered the bar.
Napoleon Dynamite's Worst Line: You can keep your French fries, I got tater tots, you gnome!
Napoleon Bonaparte's Best Line: Sacrebleu, t'as un tête a faire sauter les plaques d'egouts!
Napoleon Bonaparte's Worst Line: This bastard's about to see how bad a battle can be.

Final Results:
Napoleon Dynamite: 15.5/20
Napoleon Bonaparte: 18.5/20

Total Score: 61.5/70

[Facilier]

Stay classy with these reviews, my man

[FoolMeNever]

Mind reviewing my Yugi Muto vs. Bobby Fischer?

http://pastebin.com/dBKpXASz

Here's a reference guide, if you think you need it.

Spoiler: 

Yugi Muto:

Let's duel! To find the true king of games!
Let's duel is a fairly iconic phrase for Yugioh, signifying the start of the match. "King of Games" is the slogan that was used in advertisements for yugioh, though, I'm not sure it ever came up in the actual show.
I've saved the world, you really think you can slander this Pharoh's name?
He has saved the world several times, and is indeed a pharoh, thus, he's asking Bobby is he thinks anyone will believe his lines.
These hard raps are egyptian royalty; you'll always be in defense mode.
Reference to the fact that he's pharoh, and defense mode is a mode for Monster cards.
To have a chance against me, you need to be a Synchro!
Synchro is a card type that requires two or more cards to create. He's basically saying there needs to more than one person rapping against him for Fischer to stand a chance.
Your brain shuts down when you're with a girl? How pathetic.
Bobby once had sex and then proceeded to play a match shortly after, and he played horribly.
Did I strike a nerve? It doesn't seem hard to make you PaniK.
Joke on the PaniK, who was a character in Yugioh.
Even with your absurd requirements, I can still beat you 10-0 easily.
Bobby once challenged someone to a game, but will absolutely ludicrous requirements for the match.
Why don't you move out of Iceland, and head to Germany?
Fischer was a huge sympathizer to Nazi Germany, and was deported from America because of it, and moved to Iceland afterwords.

Bobby Fischer:

You're simply a pawn in the grand scheme of things, "Yug".
Yug was Yugi's nickname from Joey, and pawn is an obvious joke on the chess piece.
You won't even draw against me, your destiny is to always lose.
Bobby's saying that Yugi isn't even good enough to draw against him. Destiny is also a big plot point in Yugioh.
I may not always play at my best, but at least I actually get laid.
See up top for the explanation for this.
The only girl you've got is the Dark Magician Girl, but even she gets paid.
Reference to the "sacrifice" mechanic in the card game. Dark Magician Girl is a higher starred monster, and requires a sacrifice to summon.
Duel Monsters is for children, you need to play a real sport.
"Children's card game" is a well-known joke from the abridged series.
The force of my raps will knock you off the edge, and shake you to the core!
Reference to his second duel with Kaiba, where Yugi was afraid of winning, because "the force of the blast might knock Kaiba off the edge of the castle.
I'm a Grandmaster and the US champion, you don't even come close, kid.
Fischer was once a Grandmaster and the US champion.
If you want me to fight me seriously, why don't you get in line with Soviets?
Their used to be a huge rivalry between Soviet chess players and US chess players.

Yugi Muto:

You're running quite the gambit with such an average verse.
Gambit is a term used for a risky play in chess speak.
I've dueled many people, and I used to think Weavil was the worst.
Out of all the important people Yugi dueled, Weavil is probably the worst.
Until I met you of course; though I'd say you're an insect as well.
Weavil ran an insect deck.
You've a worse soul than Marik; you don't even fit in the Shadow Realm!
He's saying Bobby is such a horrible person, he doesn't even fit in the shadow realm.
I've been searching for Bobby Fischer; too bad the man doesn't match the myth.
Searching for Bobby Fischer is the name of a film.
You need to practice more, and stop sucking Osama's dick!
Bobby used to highly praise Obama for attack the US.

Bobby Fischer:

You belong in a chess club with the rest of the patzers.
Patzers is a term for low skilled and casual chess players.
This isn't even speed chess; you're getting beaten even faster!
Speed chess is a term for chess that is done in, I wanna say, like, 5 minutes? It goes very fast, okay.
You're in an absolute pin; surrender is the only smart move you can make.
Absolute pin basically means there's no where for the King to move.
If I was Pegasus, you would've already sealed your Grandpa's fate!
Pegasus was the main antagonist during Season 1, and he kidnapped yugi's grandpa.
You need to stop running the clock down with your slow as hell flow.
Running the clock down means a player is taking a long time on his turn.
But it doesn't matter, this next move is checkmate for you, Pharoh!
Should be self explanatory.

[AAAA]

Hey there, if it's not too much to ask, could I possibly have a review of my Princess Celestia VS El Cid?

http://www.erboh.com/forum/showthrea...-s-Rap-Battles

[Samos]

Here's my review of 2B'$'s 1$hotkill vs. The Flying Bullet (http://www.erboh.com/forum/showthrea...l=1#post354882). Next is Ben Franklin vs. Billy Mays.

Spoiler: 

The Flying Bullet: This verse really reminds me of one of Coreytran's rap battles, more so than any other verse in this battle. The lame grammar in this verse is kind of amusing, but the only line that I really found funny was the last one. 7.5/10

BBGUN: The first verse is pretty funny. I'm not sure if the Birch thing was an intentional typo or not, but I guess the ambiguity adds to the humor. None of the verses following the first one are as funny, but they're still amusing. It just seems like they gradually get worse. 8/10

1$hotkill: This verse is pretty funny. The turd man and last line are both pretty hilariously bad, and the grammar mistakes and crappy flow just make them even funnier, so it's probably the best-worst verse of the battle up to this point. 8.5/10

Coverprince and BBeard: I'm putting these two verses together, because on their own, they definitely aren't long enough to do full critiques about. Coverprince's verse focuses more on bad lines and BBeard's verse focuses more on bad grammar, so there's a nice balance. 8/10

PHPBBGUN: The name is funnier than the verse itself honestly. The verse's lines are bad, but they aren't bad enough to be considered that funny to me. This verse sort of confused me more than it did amuse me. Not as good-bad as some of the other verses. 7/10

The great Pear: Eh, this verse is averagely bad. Half of the lines aren't even that bad, and the ones that are bad are too generic and over-used to be funny. Except for the last line. I can't even tell what that line is trying to say, which just makes it funnier. 7.5/10

Overall: This was pretty good, for what it was going for. Not too many laugh-out-loud moments, but you definitely have the right style for these kinds of things. It's just the lyrics themselves that need to be funnier. It's still got a lot of personality and is definitely amusing. 8/10

The Flying Bullet's Best-Worst Line: So quit the forum and just go mining
The Flying Bullet's Least-Bad Line: Flying like a bird like Ryan
BBGUN's Best-Worst Line: 4 real I will serve u just like bat.......man did!
BBGUN's Least-Bad Line: Yeah my rhymes r so dope
1$hotkill's Best-Worst Line: You and your new boyfriend bb look like turd man
1$hotkill's Least-Bad Line: hey Birdman
Coverprince's and BBeard's Best-Worst Line: Did you just step into the cover kingdom you don't even have the balls
Coverprince's and BBeard's Least-Bad Line: Ppl say I'm the worst cover maker of them all
PHPBBGUN's Best-Worst Line: Boo your gonna die
PHPBBGUN's Least-Bad Line: Now I don't know any type of art that would suit ya
The great Pear's Best-Worst Line: I know it isn't yo name but let's a call this might Joey the bad rapper!
The great Pear's Least-Bad Line: I'm the real BBGUN of phpbb

Final Results:
The Flying Bullet: 7.5/10 (equivalent to 15/20)
BBGUN: 8/10 (equivalent to 16/20)
1$hotkill: 8.5/10 (equivalent to 17/20)
Coverprince and BBeard: 8/10 (equivalent to 16/20)
PHPBBGUN: 9/10 (equivalent to 18/20)
The great Pear: 7/10 (equivalent to 14/20)

Total Score: 54.5/70 (equivalent to 39/50)

[Samos]

Here's my re-review of Ben Franklin vs. Billy Mays (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAaE7sJahiw). Next is Regice vs. Regirock.

Spoiler: 

Beat: This is the only major problem I have with this battle. This beat is pretty boring, in fact, I can barely stand to listen to it without the battle, which is so weird considering how I'd say the exact opposite about last battle's beat. It's pretty repetitive too, and even when it does change a bit, it's still boring. It doesn't even fit the rappers well, so I can't say much good about this beat. 4.5/10

Impressions and Costumes: All costumes excluding Washington are pitch perfect, no pun intended even though I wish it was intended. Especially Billy Mays, I honestly look at Colin and the real Mays side by side and can't see the differences. The voices aren't as impressive. Billy Mays' voice has the right enthusiasm, but it's too high, and Vince's voice is too raspy. 8/10

Ben Franklin-Round 1: A bit of a predictable start, but it starts to get really good around the Rick James line. The death or taxes line is really good and the bird sh*t line is also pretty funny. Lots of people gush about the lyrical coffin line, and it's kind of clever, but you could use this line in literally any rap battle and it would make just as much sense. The Arthur Miller line let me get a question right on Jeopardy once, plus it's a good line. So while the verse doesn't have too many GREAT lines, it's got a lot of decent ones, and those add up. 9/10

Billy Mays-Round 1: The TV offer line is funny, and the table crushing gives it a great delivery. In fact, the entire first verse is awesome, but the second half is a let down. The lumpy pumpkin thing is kind of funny, but not very clever, and the only decent line in the second half is the shock line. I still have to give that first half credit though. 8.5/10

Ben Franklin-Round 2: The first line is great, but while everyone seems to love the second line, I don't really get it. What, he's going to pay to let Ben Franklin whoop his ass? The ''I'm Money'' thing is pretty good, but the last line is just a combination of two obvious jokes. Not quite as good as the first verse, but still pretty nice. 8.5/10

Vince Offer, the Shamwow Guy-Round 2: This is a verse that was way better than I expected. Vince was sort of just thrown into the battle for the fun of it, Ben Franklin had just had two awesome verses, and there was almost nothing to use about Vince besides his two famous commercials and stripper thing. But surprisingly, they managed to make an excellent verse out of what they had. The first line is too predictable, but then the next 5 lines are all just incredibly awesome and really funny. The losing a dad thing at the end isn't that clever, but this verse is pretty dang close to perfect, about as perfect as you can get with an 8-line verse. Vince might be my favorite rapper in all of season 1. 9.5/10

Overall: The beat is boring, I've been over that already, but the lyrics are some of the most clever ERB has ever done. I love the editing effects in this battle too. There's a lot of detail in the background and just tons of personality everywhere. One thing I never got and never will is why Billy Mays died in the battle even though Ben Franklin died in real life before Mays was born? That's one big historical error there. But I do have to say I'm impressed with this battle. It definitely has quite a few flaws, but it's got great lyrics, great costumes, great editing, and it actually taught me more than lots of the other battles did. 8/10

Ben Franklin's Best Line: You couldn't sell Rick James a bag of crack, you're out of practice.
Ben Franklin's Worst Line: I'm Big Ben Franklin and this shan't be pretty.
Billy Mays' Best Line: I'LL TAKE MY AWESOME AUGER, AND SEW YOUR QUAKER OATS!
Billy Mays' Worst Line: I'M LORD OF THE PITCH, AND LEADER IN HOME SALES!
Vince Offer, the Shamwow Guy's Best Line: Slap chop yo face, make a double chin salsa!
Vince Offer, the Shamwow Guy's Worst Line: You followin' me camera guy? 'Cause it's about to get furious!

Final Results:
Ben Franklin: 17.5/20
Billy Mays and Vince Offer, the Shamwow Guy: 18/20
Billy Mays: 8.5/10 (equivalent to 17/20)
Vince Offer, the Shamwow Guy: 9.5/10 (equivalent to 19/20)

Total Score: 56/70

[Samos]

Here's my review of Colossal Titan's Regice vs. Regirock (http://www.erboh.com/forum/showthrea...l=1#post355801). Next is Gandalf vs. Dumbledore.

Spoiler: 

Regice: The cold lines joke had to be done, and you handled it decently. The last line is also pretty good. But the rest of these lines are all just filler lines. You could make most of these jokes in any battle between any two people and they would work just as well. 7/10

Regirock: The first verse is pretty average. The ice cubes line is alright, but the rest of the lines in the verse are too obvious. The second verse is a big step up, though. The first two lines in the second verse are some of the best lines in the entire battle. 8/10

Registeel: I feel like a lot of battles with 3rd parties really have to force the ''Did somebody say'' things, but the one in this verse feels pretty natural and not forced, so I give you credit there. Unfortunately, the rest of the lines are just filler and don't make any references, except for the rust line, and even that isn't really a dis, in fact it's more of an insult to himself, so he's the weakest here to me. 6/10

Regigigas: This is the second weakest verse of the battle in my opinion. The last line is decent, but the rest of the lines aren't very clever and are just obvious threats. It just feels rushed to me. There's nothing especially bad in this verse, but nothing especially good either. 6.5/10

Overall: I actually think your other Pokemon Rap Battles are better than this one, but this one isn't bad at all. It just has a few pet peeves of mine. There are a few too many filler lines and not enough references. Still, it does have a fee good lines scattered out through the battle. 7/10

Regice's Best Line: No Nurse Joy, hyper potions, or a Max Revival, so say good night Mr. Rival.
Regice's Worst Line: Well it doesn't work that way, Regice will always win.
Regirock's Best Line: I saw more menacing ice come out of a vending machine!
Regirock's Worst Line: I went to a convention where everybody used you, it was called 'DAY OF NOOBS'
Registeel's Best Line: Did somebody stay steel? I just had to join this
Registeel's Worst Line: (I'll go down in history, you'll go down forgotten) Because I'm truly amazing, you two are truly rotten!
Regigigas' Best Line: (Incase you didn't know, Gen three is before Gen four!) One more number means I just killed it, MORE!
Regigigas' Worst Line: You could awaken my true power, but you'd never survive

Final Results:
Regice: 7/10 (equivalent to 14/20)
Regirock: 8/10 (equivalent to 16/20
Registeel: 6/10 (equivalent to 12/20)
Regigigas: 6.5/10 (equivalent to 13/20)

Total Score: 34.5/50

[Katz]

Thanks!

Can you maybe review my other battles on the same thread?